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Boston Chowhounds Police Their Own
By: Patrick Maguire
Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service
Posted: 06/12/2014
Some people are of the opinion they are beyond reproach, and that, regardless of the circumstances, they are the victim and the world owes them something. Fortunately, the backlash against entitlement and the disdain for pretension have exposed some of these individuals.
Enter semi-anonymous, “opinionatedchef” Chowhound extraordinaire, Mindy. The first obvious hint of Mindy’s persnickety nature is gleaned from her choice of Chow handle. The second is her body of work–while often very informative, there’s also a snotty tone in her posts that I’ve been reading for several years. Last week she outdid herself.
In her post about the very-popular Sycamore restaurant in Newton, MA, Mindy referenced two “uncomfortable service confrontations” in her opening paragraph. A lot of people only scan Chowhound, so if they read the title of her post, “Sycamore: Stellar Food but People Problems…,” along with the first paragraph, they’d be left with a negative impression of the hospitality at the restaurant. However, when we dig deeper into Mindy’s post, we find the root of the “confrontation”:
Now, last Wednesday we were 30 minutes late for our 5PM Sycamore reservation. And Sycamore is very small and usually booked solid, so 30 min. tardiness causes them big problems. I get that. And I own the responsibility. But still, the last thing you want to hear FIRST when you arrive late from a miserable over-extended crazy-Boston-drivers tempest – is how much of a problem you’ve caused and how the ONLY solution is for you to depart by such and such a time. And ONLY after you agree to that condition will you be seated.
Mindy prefaced her comments by distinctly identifying the General Manager who spoke with her, and summarily upbraided him in her post. And in a bizarre attempt to bolster her argument, she also interjected the name of a popular Boston restaurateur and concluded what he would have done in that circumstance to make her feel welcome. How clairvoyant.
She concluded her post with, “Next time? Well, hopefully, we will find a more relaxed and welcoming tone [from the staff], but if traffic blockades us…, I think we might just cancel and try for seating (elsewhere).”
What Mindy omitted in her post, but revealed later in the thread, is the fact that she failed to call the “usually booked solid” restaurant to let them know her party was running late. If she “owned the responsibility” she never would have publicly singled out the GM and bitched about the hospitality, period. In fact, when called out on the fact that they didn’t call ahead, she stated, “…we have no cell phone. we left home with ample time to arrive promptly, but the traffic gods had other plans…”
Yup, 2014 and they don’t own a cell phone. And yup, judgement.
Chowhounds can be a very cliquey, insular bunch. Regardless of extreme opinions, there is usually someone who will side with the OP (Original Poster), Mindy in this case. This is the first time I can remember unanimous disagreement with an OP. At least 25 different ‘Hounds’ weighed in supporting the restaurant GM and/or denouncing Mindy’s handling of the situation. Several posts were removed by the moderators (for being too ‘personal’ and attacking the OP), and the thread was locked the same day it started. Here’s a sampling of the comments(I copied and saved some of these before they were deleted):
Gordough: And I am sorry, but you lose me with the no cell phone thing. Totally fine and commendable if you want to attempt to live a completely cell free life but this situation could have been made all the better with a heads up call to the restaurant. I always call if I am going to be more than 5 min late and I can’t tell you how gracious the hosts and hostesses are when I call. To me it seems like common courtesy but so many people don’t do it. And I am also surprised that just based on Sycamore’s tiny size (do they have more than 12-15 tables?) you weren’t more understanding how 30 minutes can mess them up.
Bugsey34: After 30 minutes, I believe you become what is called a “no show, no call.” I think you’re lucky they would have been able to seat you at all, really. I would have expected no soup for you. It’s not about being rude, it’s actually just mathematics of the small number of tables and how long it takes guests to eat there.
MC Slim JB: Might be time to look into a cheap mobile phone and pay-as-you-go plan for emergency use. It’s really not acceptable to make a reservation, miss it by more than 15 minutes, and not give the restaurant a heads-up as soon as you know you’ll be late. It’s worse at a place that is really small and has an early rush like Sycamore.
TimTamGirl: I have to agree with the other commenters that it was pretty awesome that they were able to seat you at all the first time. I understand that you would have preferred a gentler tone, but honestly, under the circumstances, I’m not sure one was warranted – especially since it sounds like you were expecting to be given a comforting hug after your crappy drive. I understand that you had had an unpleasant experience, but that’s… not on the restaurant. At all.
midnightboom: I have several years of experience as a hostess and I have dealt with many people like you. Let me tell you just how your behavior ruins everything for everyone.
We hold tables for 15 minutes max, after that, if you haven’t called to tell us you’re running late, you’re out of luck. Once you decide to show up on your schedule, you’ll be on the wait list and that’s the best we can do.
Once you no call/no show, we plan on you not arriving, and plan out the rest of the seating accordingly. The times we quote to those on the wait list depend on you now not coming/us having that table available when we say it’s going to be available. We see which tables are getting up soon and move the waiting list along.
When YOU show up and demand your table, you are now throwing off our wait times, sometimes by a large chunk of time, pissing off everybody else on the wait list because now that you’ve taken their table and extended their wait time. So if we end up seating you as you feel is your right, you might end up having a happy dinner, but you’ve now upset a long list of other diners who have been waiting patiently and are marring their experiences with your entitlement.
Behavior like this is simply rude. This post is all about yourself and not thinking about how your actions actually affect anyone else, and the domino effect it has from the staff onto the rest of the guests. Feign innocence if you must but most of the time, if you are met with a pissy reaction from staff it’s because of the way you’re treating them. You may think the customer is always right but that doesn’t mean people will stand for disrespect.
Also, important things like having a temporarily disabled person with who requires a certain seating arrangement should be communicated when you make the reservation, NOT when you arrive. The right table is not always magically available. And get a damn cell phone, that’s not the restaurant’s problem.
Jerezhound: …Yes, we are in the hospitality business, but in the end we’re in BUSINESS, and we would like to stay that way. If we continue to alienate the majority of our guests by cowtowing to the neediness of entitled, disrespectful guests such as yourself, then we will no longer attract the good guests who play by the rules and give ample notice of potential problems, and we are no longer able to provide for ourselves or our countless employees because no one wants to do business with us anymore because they can’t get a table on time. So, think twice next time you decide to complain about someone doing you a FAVOR.
DrewStarr: You don’t seem to realize that by not calling, you were as disrespectful of the host as you could possibly be – the most important job they have is managing the seating of that dining room. You no longer live in a society where “I couldn’t get to a phone” is an excuse for being late without warning.
You showed additional disrespect when you gave a physical description that identified the individual to those familiar with the restaurant. Had another Chowhound poster done the same of you, the post would have been removed.
The only reason people are telling you to get a cell phone is because you felt it is your place to not adhere to the social contract; given this is a discussion forum, that implicitly gives them the right to respond to this particular aspect of your life.
As someone who has been reading Chowhound from the beginning, Drew’s comment resonates deeply. The biggest problem I’ve had with Chowhound over the years is that they find it perfectly acceptable for an OP or poster to single out a restaurant worker by physical characteristics, but it’s not ok for a poster to point out another poster’s flawed ‘characteristics’ or arguments. I’ve seen hundreds of posts removed over the years that included important facts relevant to the discussion.
ChocolateMilkshake: And they [Chowhound Moderators] just axed another 10 comments. It’s a wonder why anyone continues to post on Chowhound at all.
hyde: Nah, it’s great! It makes for a dumbed down totally acceptable pablum where nobodies feelings are ever hurt and no real outrage ever takes place. Vanilla Ice Cream for Everybody!
senatorjohn: Entitlement isn’t news. What I find incredible about this story is you haven’t bothered to get a mobile phone in the last fifteen years, but you still take the time and effort to complain on the internet.
If you ever return to Sycamore and they are gracious enough to let you in the front door, make an uncomfortable service confrontation of your own: apologize for your behavior, this post included.
Mindy responded to the admonishment from fellow hounds with obstinate narcissism:
opinionatedchef(Mindy): Man, the assumptions are flying today!! All i can see is CHs not willing to READ my post w/o scalpel in hand.
Except for not calling, I never did or would be disrespectful of the host. Wherever we are dining, we always make reservations and if we are running late from our house, we always call to check with the host, before leaving. No one’s place to tell me to get a cell phone. No one’s place to make assumptions about how i live my life.
We did NOT screw up the night’s floor plan/seating schedule. We departed when we were told to depart/bill paid/ no unfinished business. We ate faster; they made their $ on our table; the following guests were able to sit at their reserved time.
Hey, we all fuck up. How we respond after being enlightened makes all the difference.
I reached out to Sycamore via their website and received a nice note from their GM graciously declining to comment.
5 Responses to “Boston Chowhounds Police Their Own”
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Permalink | Posted in Human-to-Human Service | 5 Comments »
Nailed it, Patrick. “How we respond after being enlightened makes all the difference.”
I’m perfectly fine with the idea of not having a cell phone. And, you know what? No cell, stuck in traffic, “We couldn’t call.” Fine. It happens, it sucks. BUT… She arrived 30 minutes late, and despite that was still seated and taken care of by the restaurant, and yet she still felt it was okay to be upset and call the restaurant out in a public forum? That’s where the real problem is.
There was way too much focus regarding the lack of cellphone, and that’s what the entitled Mindy chose to address. She still doesn’t see what the real issue was, and as is the case with entitled individuals, she never will. She’ll continue to assume that the world should kowtow to her needs and desires.
If nothing else… it leaves us with fun stories to talk smack about over drinks.
This entitled DB Mindy says “Except for not calling, I never did or would be disrespectful of the host…” except, of course, when she leaves the restaurant and hides behind her keyboard to trash hard-working folks SHE put under the gun with her rudeness. It would have served her right to be put right back on the waiting list, but the restaurant might have feared a bad review if they recognized her as a critic. They accommodated her entitled smugness, and they STILL got bashed.
I’m tempted to ape Jon Favreau’s dining room meltdown to snotty critic Oliver Platt in “Chef”, but this Mindy idiot is just a blogger who has obviously never worked a day in a restaurant.
And dining critics wonder why they’re so hated, by restaurant industry folks as well as diners.
I agree whole heartedly with Reuben. She entirely misses the point, especially when she said “I wasn’t being rude or disrespectful.” YES, yes you were Mindy. Her post has it written all over it.
And Reuben is spot on about too much focus on the cellphone. True again. But, and I hate to say this because I am not believed, but I DON’T own a cellphone. And I can’t tell you how many times I have been derided or called a liar for that fact. My children’s school insisted I buy one, going as far as to yell at me. [no exaggeration]. Sorry, but I am a SAHM, with a land line and I am never far enough away if something were to happen that a cellphone would make an iota of difference to my arrival time [at the school.] What I do find hard to believe is no one in her party had a cellphone. Not that I rely on other’s phones, but just because I don’t own one, like Mindy, doesn’t mean others don’t. She threw the “don’t own a cellphone” statement in there when she knew she was wrong for not calling to notify the restaurant and it snowballed.
Thanks for the fun article and recapping the astute comments by the CHders.
Those of us who operate independent restaurants must compete with the corporate places who’d have bent over backwards to offer “opinionatedchef” all sorts of comp and pander to his/her every whim. These chains can also afford to comp the dessert, at least, of all the other diners who were forced to wait for their reservations because of the likes of this Chowhound complainer.
When dealing with Yelp and Chowhound complainers, it’s very important to view them in the context of their entire body of correspondence (‘posts’) with a website. Some of the posts made by “opinionatedchef” on other subjects speak volumes about that writer’s selfish, entitled and vaguely ignorant personality.
We had a Yelp poster write some horrible stuff about our restaurant and we took it to heart until we read that poster’s body of work. Among other things was a one-star review of a funeral home (yes, they Yelped a funeral home) because the home’s personnel couldn’t get the line of mourners to move quickly enough. That says it all.
So many restaurant industry folks embrace and believe in karma; this is because they see it in action all the time. I’d hazard a guess that when they least expect it, “opinionatedchef” will be embarking upon a very special night out and one after another things will go wrong — nothing which would ruin the evening for you or I, who’d take it in stride. But I guarantee it’ll ruin their evening thoroughly. And it is my sincere hope that either before, during or after their temper tantrum they realize that perhaps they figure it’s about time they embrace and agree to the Social Contract.
This poster has almost single-handedly altered the dialogue on CH. She posts lists that read like a second-rate Fodor’s, criticizes restaurants she hasn’t eaten at, provides inaccurate information, references other people’s posts as if she is the site’s editor, name drops constantly, and finally has lowered the discussion on CH to a AAA-travel guide level. Sorry, but the response to her Sycamore post reflected more than quite righteous annoyance to her oblivious sense of entitlement: it was a backlash against her many annoying posting habits.