Customer Hall of Shame
Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame
Because you can’t make this shit up. This week’s Humanitarian Diner Award goes to amateur ‘reviewer,’ “TM58″ who awarded one of the Boston area’s top restaurants 1 star on Open Table after being inconvenienced because of a fire at a business NEXT DOOR!! Without inquiring about the safety of the fire victims, “TM58″ was last seen ‘fuming’ in Newton Centre seeking a safer place to dine and whine… For those who actually do care, there were no injuries.
Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame
Dear America, “I apologize.”
That was hard for me, but I finally did it, despite the irony of the ‘quotes.’
- I’m sorry for appearing like a thin-skinned, petulant child tweeting at the “very rude” Hamilton cast demanding that they apologize for exercising their First Amendment right, especially after I wantonly and rudely offended so many people across our great country during the presidential campaign.
- I apologize to everyone who voted for me but couldn’t publicly admit it to their family, friends, fellow humans in their diner or coffee shop, and co-workers, because at the core, they know what a repulsive human I am, despite promising to lower the cost of their healthcare…
- I’m sorry so many of the people who voted for me are no longer talking to many of their family members, friends, co-workers, and fellow humans in diners and coffee shops. And I’m sorry many of my supporters have been blocked by so many people on social media…
- I apologize to all of the good Hombres who were offended by my “Bad Hombres” comment. You can stay.
- I apologize to all of the painters, carpenters, glassmakers,framers, plumbers, sheetrockers, roofers, electricians, steel workers, bartenders, real estate agents, and all of the blue and white collar workers who suffered severely when I stiffed you for the work you completed for me. Despite that fact, and all of the pending lawsuits, I deceived, manipulated and suckered millions of your co-workers and peers into voting for me under the guise of advocating for them. I’m sorry.
- I’m sorry for not being able to advocate for anyone except Me, Myself, and I. (“I speak the truth,” and “Tell it like it is,” remember?)
- I apologize to everyone who voted for me because I “said what you were thinking.” I wasn’t even thinking about what I was saying…
- I apologize to all of the people who believed me when I said undocumented workers don’t pay taxes but benefit by freeloading off of government services. And I’m sorry for not paying taxes when you did.
- I’m sorry for not sharing my tax returns…
- I’m sorry that I’ve ‘calcified’ racism, bigotry, and sexism ‘into a national nightmare’ and set our (soon to be) great nation back 50 years.
- I’m so sorry so many people had to vote for me by default just to see ‘change.’
- I apologize to the Republican Party that ultimately I was ‘your guy.’ I didn’t expect to win this thing, I just wanted to elevate my brand and just be a “protest candidate.”
- I’m sorry for all of the people who didn’t vote because they believed the polls that said their vote didn’t matter and that I didn’t have a chance. (On second thought, that’s on them.)
- I apologize to all of the people who hold me in such high esteem. Extremists will defend their deity to the death because that defines/validates their existence. That devotion can be deadly.
- I’m sorry for not having an ounce of decency. If I did, in the wake of my victory, in an effort to unify our great country, I would have made a thoughtful, powerful, impassioned speech, vehemently denouncing the people who used my win as a catalyst for racist attacks, hate crimes, bigotry, and violence in my name. I apologize that I’m not smart or aware enough to know that our country needed that. I just don’t have it in me. Sorry about that.
- I’m sorry I’m so ‘bad at twitter.’ I apologize that VP-elect Pence had to ‘take one for the team’ and provide cover while my $25m fraud settlement was announced… “Sorry, Baby Donald, I’m not taking the bait.”
- I apologize for being such a ‘sorry’ human being.
Insincerely, “The Donald”
Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame
All I can think about is Napkin Lady.
- Did she really ‘drop’, or as Mr. Wells delineated, ‘hurl’ her napkin to the floor?
- Did she ‘drop’ it on purpose to elicit a response from the server, or to test the staff?
- Was the napkin ‘drop’ staged by NYT restaurant critic, Peter Wells?
- What kind of adult human throws a napkin on the floor in protest at any restaurant anywhere?
- Is Napkin Lady a monster?
- How did Napkin Lady’s dining companions respond to her?
- Will she be invited to dinner with Mr. Wells again? If yes, is he a monster?
Per Se, on the Upper West Side in NYC, is one the most highly-regarded, expensive restaurants in the world. On Wednesday, New York Times restaurant critic, Peter Wells awarded Per Se two out of four stars in a predominantly scathing review. According to the NYT, two stars is “very good,” but Wells’ narrative was far from that. Menu items were described as droopy, rubbery and flavorless, gluey, mushy, dismal, random and purposeless, limp, dispirited, lame, and bouillon, “murky and appealing as bong water.” The negative comments about service included, haphazard, unobliging, oddly unaccommodating, and oblivious sleepwalking. And the experience was seen as a no-fun house, lame, disappointingly flat-footed, out of date, mediocre, and among the worst food deals in New York.
The two-star review was a significant departure from the four stars awarded by legendary NYT critic, Frank Bruni in September of 2004, and the four-star review by the NYT’s Sam Sifton in October of 2011. Mr. Sifton called Per Se, “… the best restaurant in New York City…”, and lauded, “It’s synthesis of culinary art and exquisite service is now complete.” “It represents the ideal of an American high-culture luxury restaurant.”
Who cares, right? The restaurant geek world does. Most of us can’t afford to eat at places like Per Se, but following the news in and around restaurants has become a sport that consumes us. And the news about the two-star ‘demotion’ caught fire with many of those who play, enjoy, watch, and broadcast ‘the game’. The 1,000+ animated comments from the NYT website are a testament to the interest in a review of elite restaurants like Per Se. A sampling of the reactions:
- Is fine dining dead?
- Are ‘celebrity’ chefs too cocky and complacent?
- Does the critic have an entitled, narcissistic, personal agenda?
- At the Per Se price point, shouldn’t one expect perfection?
- Are servers and staff being exploited at the “best of the best” restaurants?
- Who can even afford to eat at places like that?
- Why don’t people spend money on helping others instead of lavish meals?
- Finally, someone had the courage to speak the truth.
- The first staff meeting following the review is really going to suck…
And I just can’t stop thinking about Napkin Lady…
The first two paragraphs of the review from Peter Wells:
The lady had dropped her napkin.
More accurately, she had hurled it to the floor in a fit of disillusionment, her small protest against the slow creep of mediocrity and missed cues during a four-hour dinner at Per Se that would cost the four of us close to $3,000. Some time later, a passing server picked up the napkin without pausing to see whose lap it was missing from, neatly embodying the oblivious sleepwalking that had pushed my guest to this point.
Shortly after the review went live, I posted the following on my Server Not Servant Facebook group:
Perhaps Mr. Wells’ dining companion was role-playing to test the staff as fodder for the review. Or, perhaps she’s a bitch who acted like a petulant child… Hard to imagine someone thinking it’s ok to “hurl” their napkin to the floor while eating and drinking at Per Se. That’s no “small protest,” it’s a bullshit, entitled, bitchy move, especially if it wasn’t on her dime. I’m also interested to know if Wells will ever invite the woman to dine with him again. If she wasn’t acting, and he does invite her back, it speaks volumes.
My friend, Chef Mark O’Leary replied to my tweet to Peter Wells, “That was my first question, how much entitled fervor must you have to throw a napkin on the floor as an adult?”
I emailed Peter Wells on Wednesday night and asked him:
- Was throwing the napkin staged by your dining companion or you to test the server’s response, or was it a legitimate, out-of-control, hissy fit initiated without your prompting?
- Was your inclusion of the ‘napkin drop’ hyperbole to add drama/color to the prose?
- How did you and your other dining companions respond after she hurled the napkin to the floor?
- Were you or anyone you were with embarrassed?
- Did you or anyone at your table admonish her?
- Did she apologize to you and your table and/or the server or any other workers?
- Will you ever invite “Napkin Lady” to dine with you again?
- Feel free to add anything else that you’d like me to include in my post.
Mr. Wells responded that he wouldn’t answer my questions because he makes it a policy not to comment on public reviews, especially negative ones, and finished with, ”Readers can draw their own conclusions about my words, just as they can draw their own conclusions about a post in which a woman is called a bitch twice in a short paragraph.”
I read hundreds of the comments following the review on the NYT website (sport/entertainment, right?), and I’ll leave you with one beauty:
What happens now?
Can Per Se survive this? Does the entire staff get fired? Is the chef’s career ruined? Is the owner expected to publicly respond? Do they close for a month and reopen? Are they going to have to cut prices? Do they call in another ballerina? (Just joking about that last question. Sort of.)
More importantly, is Napkin Lady a monster???
Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame
This is just too good not to share.
Example #7,662 why restaurant owners and staff loathe amateur restaurant ‘”reviewers.”
A friend invited me and my wife… to try XYZ restaurant. This friend knows I’m a foodie and hard on restaurants in general, Italian restaurants in particular (I am Italian)…
The chef obviously does not how to perform the maneuver for blending pasta with an oil (or butter) based seasoning that, in Italian, is referred to as “mantecare.” The idea is that you drain the pasta early and you finish it off in a pan with the seasoning so that starch shed from the pasta blends with the fat and binds the dish together. Having a puddle of grease at the bottom of a plate of fettuccine that is anything more than a slight slick is a major fail (maybe the chef should travel to Alfredo Alla Scrofa in Rome to learn; the place has become touristy but they still complete this key step table-side so he could watch them do it.
Kudos to the restaurant for serving a truly prime cut of beef. It was delicious. BUT…. in this day of accurate thermometers it’s unacceptable to flub the temperature. A medium rare steak should be RED and WARM throughout. Mine came PINK in the middle, with extended sections of BROWN. Call it medium (areas medium-well). I sent it back. It came back RED (good) and COLD (not medium rare). I ate it because at that point I did not want to send it back again and I’d rather eat meat too raw than too cooked. But this is unacceptable, all it takes is a thermometer to get it right and if you can’t even do that right, a $200 immersion circulator will allow you to cook meat to the perfect temperature every time; a propane torch will add that perfect sear. Disappointing. But, again, the cut of meat was outstanding, so some credit for not skimping on ingredients.
The sides were abundant but did not impress. The rolled up eggplant bits were average. The eggplant was tasty but I don’t know what they’d done to the ricotta to make it so tough. The corn tasted like it was out of a can.
The gelato…did not have the smoothness of gelato and I suspect the chef did not follow the proper gelato process (which is not easy — I grant, but if you can’t do it, give it up).
Wine list was extensive and reasonably priced — a plus. I would have liked some more Southern Italian wines, but that’s me and I don’t hold it against them.
Portions are absurd but this is a neutral…The fettuccine half portion looked to be about 100g-120g of pasta; a portion of dry pasta should be about 100g and a portion of egg past should be about 80g by Italian standards. If what I got was truly a half portion, the implication is that a full portion is 200g-240g — that’s insane (I am a 1.82m tall and weigh 80 Kg and it was too much for me). The tenderloin looked to be 500g of meat or so. I could not finish any of the dishes. Again, I don’t hold it against the restaurant, but beware when you order.
Service good. Ambiance a little dark for my taste but good. Location excellent.
I go to restaurants for food and this was a fail.
[As I've stated before, imagine living or working with people like this every day??? At least we can get rid of them at the end of the meal.]
Join #ServerNotServant on Facebook here, and on Twitter and Instagram @PatrickMBoston.
Book Chapter: Confronting without Confrontation
It’s no fun being the Fun Police. I’ve been a member of the brigade often. And no matter how hard you try, it’s rare to confront a group of “fun” people who completely “get it” when you ask them to consider the circumstances, their volume and actions, and everyone else around them. When you add alcohol to the mix, it often doesn’t end well.
Open letter to an OBNOXIOUS Self Entitled Customer: ( I have always come from the school of “The customer is always right” and many of you who know me and have been customers of KC’s for many many years know I will bend over backwards for my customers.) That being said, there are times I need to say what needs to be said. Which is what follows [after Joyce's 'review'].
Joyce — 1 star • KC’s Ribs Shack WAS one of our favorite places to eat HOWEVER we just left there very unhappy. We had a party of twenty for a birthday party. We were all seated in the bar. We were having fun singing along with the radio when the OWNER came over to the table and very RUDELY told us to keep quiet others were trying to eat. Now mind you there were about 10 others in the bar and they were all laughing and having fun with us including the bartender and wait staff. When we confronted owner about him being rude he said he didn’t care! Let it be know We will NEVER EAT THERE AGAIN!!! We had a 500 dollar bill they have now lost our business! And I now will never recommend this place to anyone!!! I will never go again!!! #KCRIBSHACK #THEYSUCK #ownersanASSHOLE #boycott
Dear Joyce, I sincerely apologize that you mistakenly thought my restaurant was a karaoke bar.
We are a family restaurant not a bar. I realize you felt as though everybody in the entire restaurant was rejoicing in the painful rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody you and your self entitled friends were performing, yet that was not the case.
Although sometimes it is tough to walk the line between being the fun police and allowing our customers to enjoy themselves to their fullest. We have to draw the line when it becomes a nuisance to other customers in the restaurant at the time. Two tables asked to be moved to other areas of the restaurant even after your group was asked to stop singing. You probably missed out on that because it is clearly all about you. I’m glad you and your inconsiderate friends have vowed to “Never Eat There Again” and to #Boycott KC’s Rib Shack. Go ahead and continue your social media crusade on Yelp and facebook. I think you may have forgot Tripadviser as well. Thanks again for your feedback. We will let you know if we decide to become a karaoke bar in the future. #IMKC #IMTHEASSHOLE #ISUCK #DONTNEEDINCONCIDERATECUSTOMERS
“Easy Come, Easy Go” -Freddy Mercury (Bohemian Rhapsody)