Server Not Servant

Customer Hall of Shame

Legendary Regulars

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Fame

Posted: 11/28/2011

Today’s post comes courtesy of Darren Tully, a loyal reader and commentor on this blog. Darren works at a take-away food counter in Dublin, Ireland. He sent me the following email over the weekend that I am sharing with his permission. This is priceless.

I love customers who you can have a laugh with. One of my regulars, I’ll call her “Mel”, is like that. Mel is 80 years old, and despite needing a zimmer frame, she insists on waiting like everyone else to place her order. She is unbelievably funny and always has a kind word to say, even if she has a complaint to make. I admit that I’m very fond of her. She always asks to speak to me whenever she’s in, and I consider her to be like one of my great aunties.

I was on closing shift tonight so there were only two of us, myself on counter and my friend on tables and dish room. Out of nowhere we got a mini rush in the last 15 minutes. As lines go, it was no big deal. There was no huge wait for the customers, but I had one incredibly impatient woman in the line, a nominee for your Customer Hall of Shame.

When I finally got to serve her I greeted her with a big smile, but before I could say anything she snarled, “Tea to go, NOW!” And that was it–she didn’t speak to me again, she only glared for the rest of transaction. I don’t really understand why she acted that way, I was serving everyone ahead of her in a speedy and friendly manner, but I guess there is no pleasing some people.

Mel was in the line behind her and watched the whole thing. As the woman was walking away, Mel shuffled up and said, “Not enough dick, that’s what her problem is.”, loud enough for everyone, including the woman, to overhear. It was so funny. The other customers were either giggling or standing slack-jawed, and the woman was shaking with indignant rage as she left.

I thought I was going to explode from holding the laughter in, I honestly don’t know how I wasn’t rolling around on the floor behind the counter. 

I absolutley love customers like “Mel”. Here’s to Darren Tulley and all of the Mel’s of the world who speak up and say what every worker would love to, but can’t. Mel is a shoo-in for my Customer Hall of Fame.

Please share your stories about customers who have come to your defense and called out other asshole customers. Thank you.

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All Hostesses are Good-Looking, Incompetent and Can’t Do Anything Else in Life. Really?

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 02/18/2011

So wrong, on so many levels.

I started paying attention to the Phantom Gourmet after they asked me to appear on their TV show representing restaurant servers during a ‘food fight’ segment pitting servers against chefs. The morning after I agreed to appear, I sent an email to the senior producer (who booked me) asking if Phantom Gourmet had made a decision about their affiliation with The Upper Crust Pizzeria, a major sponsor embroiled in a controversy involving their exploitation of undocumented workers. Pending allegations against the owner of Upper Crust include a threat to kill a former veteran manager.

If Phantom Gourmet had plans to sever their relationship with Upper Crust, I was going to honor with my commitment. There was no response to my email so I left a voicemail and a second email the next day. No response. In all fairness, it was Christmas week, but I did not receive an auto-response email stating that the producer was on vacation, and his outgoing voicemail message didn’t state that he was out of the office.

The next day I watched the Phantom Gourmet TV program and confirmed that they were still running Upper Crust ads. A day later they unabashedly promoted Upper Crust on facebook. That endorsement solidified their position, and was enough for me to withdraw from the TV show via email. I never received a response from the producer.

For those of you unfamiliar with Phantom Gourmet, they are a Boston-based company that features weekly radio and TV shows devoted to food, restaurants and dining out. The company is owned by the Andelman brothers, Dan, Dave and Mike. Their mystique (shtick is more accurate) is centered around an anonymous restaurant critic (the Phantom) whose reviews appear on their program.

Their shows are largely infomercials for their sponsors laced with more inane banter than I can stomach. Though it is widely known that their singular ‘phantom’ critic is a myth (several people gather research), they have a widespread following of fawning ‘Phans’ (cringe) chugging their purple Kool-Aid. Ironically, they often mock and insult their own audience as well as the people who attend and work at their events.

Their motto: Food and Fun is all we serve.

Yeah, with a side of extra cheese…

I tuned in to a few of the Phantom Gourmet programs, only to see if they responded to the widespread media coverage surrounding the Upper Crust imbroglio. As far as I know, they have not publicly responded to any of the stories questioning their support of Upper Crust, including those published in the Boston Phoenix, Adam’s Hospitality & Tourism Blog, Universal HUB, Grub Street Boston, Yelp, Dave Copeland’s blog and this blog.

One exception was a facebook post by Dave Andelman quoted on Dave Copeland’s blog:

Dave Andelman: Some blogs and real media companies tried taking some unfair, untrue, and obviously coordinated shots at Phantom Gourmet last week. We immediately added 500 Facebook Phans and dominated the TV ratings. They never learn….

Dominated the TV ratings? Opposite what competition?

Copeland’s blog also quotes several comments from rabid Phantom ‘Phans’ followed by another flame-fanning (or is it ‘phanning’?), lame, cheerleading comment from Dave:

Dave Andelman: Purple power, people. Thanks ya’ll.

Purple power? Really? Lemming power is more like it.

Fast-forward to the Phantom Gourmet radio program on Saturday, 2/12. The infamous Phantom Gourmet radio program is one of the most painful media programs I have ever endured. The inane, vapid banter between the 3 brothers is punctuated by Dan Andelman’s incessant, maniacle, hyena-like laughter that is torture to tolerate.

Saturday’s program started with a story about Mike and Eddie Andelman going to dinner before the Celtics-Lakers game. Eddie, the sportscaster patriarch of the family, was filling in for Dave who was on vacation. Michael  mentioned that they chose Grill 23 for dinner and arrived at 5:05.

When you ask Bostonians about the best steak houses in town, Grill 23 is often their number one choice. The food and service are consistently excellent.

The Grill 23 website states the following:

Hours:

Monday-Thursday 5:30pm to 10:30pm

Bar opens daily at 4:30pm

For the record: There are 2 bars for customers to wait in before dinner service starts at 5:30. The first floor bar area has nineteen stools and the second floor bar has ten stools.

Mike and Eddie wanted to be seated in the dining room as soon as they arrived in order to get to the Celtics game on time at 8 o’clock. The hostess informed them that the bar was open, but the dining room didn’t open until 5:30. Apparently, there were no barstools open so Mike and Eddie suggested that they get a drink from the bar and sit at a table in the dining room and wait until 5:30 for dinner service. The hostess informed them that she couldn’t seat them until 5:30. That wasn’t good enough.

Here are some quotes from the radio program:

Mike Andelman: We walk in and the hostess who’s the typical hot woman, rude, cold- as-ice, never would talk to me in high school-type girl…So she goes, “Two?”, and I said yes, and she looks at us and says, “I’m sorry, we’re not open until 5:30, so there’s nothing I can do.”

Dan Andelman: And what time was this at?

Mike: 5:05.

Eddie Andelman: It was about 5:10.

Mike: She said the bar over there, you can stand at the bar and have a drink.

Eddie: There’s no seats.

Dan: At the bar?

Eddie: At the bar. It’s crowded.

Mike: There’s like 20 people standing at the bar. There’s no room at the bar.

Dan: Great bar there, potato chips and everything.

Mike: Great bar, but Eddie and I aren’t exactly going to saddle up to the bar and get hammered. We’re there for dinner. So she looks at us and says, “I can’t do anything for you,” and I said, Well can you just, and she turned her back on us and basically wouldn’t talk to us any more.

Dan: How did she look from the back?

Mike: And so Eddie and I said this is the most ridiculous, rude treatment we’ve ever gotten in a restaurant.

Eddie: Well I said to her, Is it all right if we sit down? There’s not one person. The tables are all set. Can we sit down there and have some drinks ‘till 5:30? And she said, “NO!”

Mike: Yeah, she says no, and so we basically, you know, under our breath say F-you, and we leave, and we walk across the street.

Dan: I don’t get it…, the restaurant was open, she just wouldn’t seat you?

Mike: No…, the dining room did not open until 5:30.

Eddie: They don’t serve until 5:30. We were willing to sit at a table and have some drinks until 5:30, even if we had to get some drinks from the bar and walk over to a table.

Dan: Yeah, but they weren’t open yet.

Michael: The restaurant was open. The bar was open. Every server was there. You think it was going to make a big deal if Eddie and I sat down…?

Dan: Michael, I’m being completely serious…They are not open until 5:30. What the hell…Why do you think you’re so special that you had to be seated?

Eddie: If there were seats at the bar we might have done it, but there’s tables 8 feet away from the bar that we could sit at.[The dining room tables are behind a half wall separating the bar from the dining room.]

Dan: Maybe the servers are all in their pre-meal meeting; maybe they’re eating; maybe they’re doing side work; maybe they’re cleaning, maybe they’re getting dressed…

Mike: Danny, the fact that you consistently take the side of the restaurateur or just a really stupid maître d’ or a hostess over your family time and time again, you just continually…(cut off).

Mike: The era is over of being able to treat customers like crap. It’s just over. I don’t understand.

Eddie: There’s 25 steakhouses in Boston.

Mike: And it’s not like this was 8pm on a Saturday night. It’s 5 o’clock, and guess what, if the owner of Grill 23 was standing next to this dumb hostess, this moronic hostess who was just getting her, uh, jollies off by sticking to the rules of her little brochure in a little binder, this little monkey, her only job is to look at this binder and say don’t let people in ‘till 5:30….

Dan: Although in her defense she was good-looking apparently. I’d like to see a picture. Was she wearing yoga pants? These are things I want to know. I have a thing for hostesses (laughing).

Mike: There’s not a hostess who’s not good-looking, because they’re incompetent and can’t do anything else in life. If you can’t model, when you’re good-looking enough and not tall enough to model, you stand behind a little box and say, How many?

Wow.

(A few  irrelevant comments have been omitted between quotes, including Eddie’s comment about not wearing underwear. Ouch.)

Saturday, 2/19 update: Please disregard everything from here down to “A few questions.” The audio has been removed from the 96.9 website. The fact that it was ever available after the show is mind-boggling. I have retained a recorded copy if anyone would like to hear it.

For context, the entire conversation from the broadcast (that I recorded for translation) can be heard here:

http://www.969bostontalks.com/podcast/Episodes.aspx?PID=1486

(The relevant content is the first 8 and a half minutes.)

Be patient, the site loads slowly.

Click on play to the right of: 2/12/11 Eddie and Mike go to a Celtics game.

I encourage everyone who will be commenting on this post to listen to the segment before commenting.

A few questions:

Mike Andelman:

#1- How does a guy who makes his living around dining out and researching and discussing restaurants not understand why Grill 23 wouldn’t allow you to sit at a table before dinner service started?

Dan hit the nail on the head with his explanation. The dining room doesn’t open until 5:30. What if they let everyone who arrived early wander into the dining room and sit down? Once you make an exception or try to be flexible, people always want more. Before you know it, diners would start with, “Can we just look at a menu while we wait?”, “Is there any chance we could just get some bread?”, “Can we just get some water?” In other words, they’ll ask you to serve them before service starts.

And what happens when someone breaks a glass or spills their drink all over the table? More service is required when the service staff is busy learning the daily specials or working on a multitude of other tasks required to prepare the dining room for service.

Grill 23 has been in business since 1983. I’m sure they have experimented with their hours and policies over the years. On my list of 64 Suggestions for Restaurant Customers, number 23 reads, Respect the fact that restaurants have policies for specific reasons, despite the fact that they might not make sense to you.

Instead of thinking about that, you proceeded to leave the restaurant and then insult the hostess (and all hostesses), and trash the restaurant on your public radio program including the statement, “I will never spend another cent at Grill 23.” Your loss.

#2- How can the co-owner of Phantom Gourmet and VP of business development (you), rationalize the adjectives you used to describe the hostess at Grill 23? You referred to her as stupid, dumb, moronic and a monkey because you didn’t get your way.

#3- Did you ask to speak to a manager to explain their policy or to voice your concern about the rude service? No, but you didn’t hesitate to blast the restaurant on your radio show.

#4- How can you justify the sweeping generalization that you made about all hostesses when your business is all about promoting restaurants?

Referring to hostesses: “…they’re incompetent and can’t do anything else in life.” Really?

I’ll bet there are a few current and former hostesses who would take exception to that statement.

In a very entertaining and informative piece, one of Boston’s most knowledgeable food and drink writers, MC Slim JB, dubbed you (Mike) the “dumbest of the Dumb Brothers”. After listening to the first 10 minutes of Saturday’s program, you did nothing to prove MC wrong or to dispel that notion.

Current and Former Hostesses:

Please respond to Michael Andelman’s comments, and please forward this post to every current and former hostess you know.

Grill 23:

Please feel free to clarify your policies and weigh in on all of the issues presented.

Restaurateurs and Restaurant Employees:

If you own or work at a fine-dining restaurant similar to Grill 23, please comment on the issue and policies of opening times of the bar and dining room.

Dave Andelman:

What ’shots’ were taken at Phantom Gourmet by blogs or ‘real media’ companies that were unfair or untrue?

Brothers Andelman:

Don’t feel obligated to respond. After all, this isn’t ‘real media’, it’s just a blog…

Readers:

Please join the conversation. Despite the temptation, please keep the comments respectful and civil. As always, all comments will be moderated before they are posted.

Please click on the blue box below to share with your facebook network. Thank you.

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The Perfect Restaurant Storm

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 12/20/2010

I’ve often described working in a restaurant as Improv Theatre. Every shift presents unique circumstances and challenges, and even the most experienced professionals can be taken aback by the audacity of the human condition.

A seasoned general manager of a popular Boston restaurant sent me a text last week requesting to meet. Based on his extensive hospitality industry experience, I knew his story would not be an every-day tale of woe. When we met for breakfast the next day, he did not disappoint.

The Wednesday lunch started out like every other day for the GM and his front of the house staff of one hostess, two servers, a bartender and a busser. About 11:15, a handful of guests walked to the podium and said, “We’re going to be at least 30 for lunch.” After welcoming the guests and confirming that the group did not have a reservation, the hostess told them she would seat them momentarily after the staff moved a few tables together.

Within seconds the GM, staff and kitchen were alerted, and the restaurant went into ‘all hands on deck’ mode, with everyone pitching in wherever needed. The GM became waiter/busser/food runner/kitchen expediter; the executive chef stepped in as line cook; the hostess hustled to help the servers while the bartender pitched in everywhere.

And here’s what happened:

The party of 30 grew into a party of 47 students from a local college celebrating the completion of finals and the beginning of semester break.

Forty-five minutes elapsed between the arrival of the first guests and the 47^th member of their party. Food and drink requests were a little frantic, with some guests shouting out their first drink order as others were already eating their entrées.

The group appeared to have a great time; the staff heard no complaints about the food or service. The total of the tab was a little less than $800 before tax and tip.

In the meantime, 4 small parties were seated along with another walk-in party of 23 high school students and their 2 teachers. The high schoolers enjoyed everything, paid with one credit card and thanked the staff for their efforts and teamwork.

Back to the party of 47 when the fun began with the dreaded request:

Could we have 47 separate checks? Followed by, Most of us have Groupons we want to use with each check.

The Groupon deal with the restaurant states that the purchaser receives $35 worth of food and drink for $15, one coupon redeemable per table, and one coupon per visit.

Since they were all seated at one long table on one tab, the GM told them they could use one Groupon towards their bill and then invited them to open separate checks at the bar to redeem their individual Groupons. Many were planning to extend their celebration in the bar after lunch, and they did.

The students countered with:

We thought separate checks would qualify as separate tables. If we knew we couldn’t use all of the Groupons we would have sat at separate tables.

Oh, brother…

The GM offered the group 3 options:

1. He would take the total, add the 18% automatic gratuity and tax, subtract out $35 for one Groupon, divide by 47 and present them with 47 equal checks. He advised them he would need time to process the separate checks.

2. He would furnish pens and paper for the whole group and they could determine what each one of them owed, and the GM would split up all of the charges and tabs accordingly.

3. He informed them that there was an ATM just outside and suggested that they determine what they ordered and owed, and to pay in cash if possible.

After a lengthy debate, the group agreed to combine options 2 and 3 by sorting out the bill on their own and writing their names and amount owed on pieces of paper. After the staff processed 31 credit cards and collected all of the cash, they were still $60 short. At that critical point, you always hope that one or two poor slobs will quietly step forward and kick in the rest of the money.

Sure enough, one guy came forward, apologized profusely, and paid the remaining $60. (The appreciative GM reciprocated by picking up his bar tab after lunch.)

I knew I would eventually need to address the issue of separate checks, but I never dreamed that it would involve a request for 47!!

Can you imagine walking into a restaurant with 46 of your closest friends with no phone call or reservation, enjoying a great lunch, then asking after the meal for separate checks? I can’t either!

What are your thoughts?

What is the largest walk-in party you have ever served or been part of?

Is 32 the largest number of separate checks ever processed for one party? If not, what is? I should have included this on my list of 64 Suggestions for Restaurant Customers. If you will be paying separately, inform your server before you order.

Permalink | Posted in Customer Hall of Shame | 97 Comments »

The Audacity of Hopeless Humans

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 11/9/2010

Of Moxie and Men

I’m not the only one who thinks that the epidemic of ‘entitlemania’ is raging out of control. The last post about the customer requesting a gift certificate for the doggie bag left behind generated 3,479 hits to the website on Friday alone. Thanks to the folks behind The Consumerist, Universal Hub, MC Slim JB and everyone who shared the link and commented on the post.

Denouncing entitlement and arrogance is one of the primary objectives of the blog and book project. The overwhelming, passionate responses from readers indicate that people are sick and tired of witnessing boorish behavior from fellow human beings.

Well, it gets better…

On Saturday night, I joined some friends for dinner at one of Boston’s best steak houses. The food and service were tremendous, as always. After acknowledging the doggie bag post, our server shared a story of his own.

A customer who allegedly lost a gift card worth 150 dollars called the restaurant to share his misfortune. The staff tried to no avail to track down the purchaser of the gift card to cancel it and issue a replacement. After considering the options, and identifying the gentleman as a previous customer, the manager invited him in to dine on the house. The guest accepted the offer, came to the restaurant and ran up a bill of $100. When the customer received the check, the manager told him, as promised, that the meal was complimentary.

What happened next boggles the mind.

Instead of expressing gratitude, the guest requested an additional 50 dollars to make up for the difference between his meal and the original gift card amount!! The manager politely explained that the gratis meal was a good faith gesture to the customer who conceded that HE lost the card and someone could still try to redeem it.

Well, as the old expression goes, You can’t win for losing. Despite the manager’s best efforts to work with the customer and ameliorate the situation, the ‘gentleman’ left enraged and has never returned. You really can’t make this shit up.

Do you still think the customer is always right?

Please keep the stories, comments and emails coming.

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You Can’t Make This Shit Up

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 11/4/2010

This is too good not to share.

One of my favorite neighborhood restaurants in Boston’s South End posted this on their facebook wall this evening:

Customer forgot doggie bag w leftovers. Too far away to come back and get them. Now wants gift certificate to replace them. Thoughts?

I love the fact that they post these real-life snippets. It’s genius marketing, and it lets people know what reality is on the firing line.

Before anyone states that someone from the restaurant should have delivered the leftovers to the customer’s home, this happened on a Thursday night at the height of the dinner rush.

People ask me all of the time; “Do people really do the things you mention on your blog?” Yes, every day and night of the week.

So, what are your thoughts?

Do you have any similar stories?

If you were at the restaurant where this happened, feel free to chime in. What did you do?

Update: From restaurant’s facebook status @ 10:15am on 11/5:

Update on Doggie Bag cust: next time they’re in we’ll be sure they have enough food to bring home. Thx 4loving food so much!

Sweet solution.

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