Server Not Servant

Personal Pet Peeves

Umbrella Rules

Book Chapter: Personal Pet Peeves

Posted: 08/24/2010

I’m sorry for the delay between posts. I’m spending most of my time finalizing a proposal for a prospective publisher. Today’s post is just a spontaneous, rainy day rant.

We’ve had tremendous weather this summer in the Northeast, so we really can’t complain about a couple of days of rain. As always, on my way to and from the gym this afternoon, I engaged in one of my favorite pastimes, watching humans. Today’s observation, and personal pet peeve, people walking on Boston’s narrow city sidewalks with HUGE umbrellas. One woman had a two-tiered monstrosity that could easily keep a family of 5 dry during a monsoon. It was so big and out of place that it was funny. It looked like she stole it off of a table from a restaurant patio.

Another woman had an over-sized, promotional umbrella with Bacardi emblazoned on the top. She was charging down the sidewalk with the umbrella leading the way. I have to admit, unlike many days, people were pretty good today about being aware of each other, tilting and lifting or lowering their umbrellas when passing a fellow pedestrian.

I thought it would be fun to open up the discussion to umbrella war stories, and your suggestions for Umbrella Rules for the general public.

I’ll start:

#1- If you’re on a crowded city sidewalk with an umbrella intended for a golf course, picnic table or the beach, be aware of other humans and make room for them. Invite your unprotected brothers and sisters to join you for shelter. There’s plenty of room.

Posted in Personal Pet Peeves | 11 Comments »

No Manners, No Service

Book Chapter: Personal Pet Peeves

Posted: 06/4/2010

Santarpio’s Pizza — East Boston, MA   The pizza and BBQ are great.

Family business established more than 100 years ago and still going strong.

I love businesses like this. No manners, no service. Here’s to you, Santarpio’s!! 

Posted in Personal Pet Peeves | 23 Comments »

You Missed a Spot

Book Chapter: Personal Pet Peeves

Posted: 03/11/2010

On the facebook group I created to support my blog and book project, I’ve asked readers to submit photos of workers in action and their tools of the trade. I’ve also posted several of my own photos on the group page and here on the right-hand side of the blog. Some “expert” bloggers discourage the use of photos on blog pages because they think the photos are a distraction. I like showing real working people because I think it makes the blog posts more personal. 

Earlier today, after thinking about a new profile picture for the facebook group, I decided to use one of my trusty, old, Purdy Paint Brushes for the photo. I used to operate a painting business and still own some of the brushes I used a very long time ago. As I was uploading the photo, I started thinking about all of the inane, nonsensical comments that people made while we were working. Most of the comments weren’t original or funny, and we heard them over and over again. They drove us crazy. So I sent a text to some of the guys who used to paint with me and asked them to remind me about the comments people made while we worked.

Here are a few of the responses, including some of my own pet peeves:                                             

- When you’re done with that, can you come over to my house?                       
   (Yes, as long as you’re prepared to pay us, preferably in cash.)                                    

- What kind of paint do you use?  (I would often say, Fred’s just to bust ‘em.)

- Is it hot enough for you? (Someone would always make this comment on a hundred-degree day when we were scraping old paint directly over our heads with chips, dirt, and dust falling into our sweaty, open pores.) No, we actually wish it was 50 degrees hotter and more humid…

- You missed a spot. (No I didn’t. Get away from me.)

And then there were the people who would see us at breakfast, in a store, or at a gas station, with our work clothes covered with paint and caulking who would say, Looks like you have more paint on you than on the house, or, Did you get any on the wall? (Absolute idiots.)

Is it that hard to just shut up and walk on by when people are working? Too many people feel compelled to make stupid, clichéd small talk.  Most workers loathe the gratuitous, asinine comments, and they’re not funny. (And the next time you see someone carrying flowers, please try to bite your tongue in lieu of, Are they for me?)

I know I’m sounding grouchy, but people in every industry have a certain amount of bullshit that they have to put up with. Some of it just goes with the territory and you have to suck it up and deal with it. However, some of it can be avoided, like the ridiculous comments from the peanut gallery.

I’d love to hear your stories about the stupid, redundant comments you’ve had to endure while on the job.

Posted in Personal Pet Peeves | 32 Comments »

I Have a Plane to Catch

Book Chapter: Confronting without Confrontation

Posted: 01/30/2010

Thank you to everyone who has emailed me with your stories. You are providing invaluable content for the  book, and a true Voice for Service Industry Workers Everywhere. I am grateful for your time, effort, and thoughtful comments. My resolve to complete and publish the book is strengthened with every email I receive. Please keep ‘em coming.

Here are a few examples;

AC- I was standing in the security line at the airport with a family of 5 in front of me, and another single passenger in front of them. A woman walked around all of us up to the conveyor belt, and grabbed a plastic tub and started filling it with her stuff. The solo guy, who she immediately cut right in front of, asked her, “What are you doing?” She tersely replied, “I have a plane to catch,” unapologetically discounting the existence of anyone else around her.  (I wondered if she thought the rest of us were there just practicing how to get through security, or just for the fun of hanging around the airport.) The gentleman asserted, “You just cut in front of a whole group of people.” After a tense exchange, including the woman stating that she was “already there’” and in a big rush, the guy reluctantly let her go. Some days you’re just not up for the fight.

As it turns out, everyone waiting in line was on the same flight, and the cutter was sitting right behind me on the plane. As we were getting settled, she was blathering loudly into her cellphone and complaining about how some guy tried to prevent her from going through security. At that point, I had to speak up. I turned to her and said, “No, you were wrong and you cut everyone.” She immediately cowered in shame and lowered her voice. Maybe she’ll think twice next time.

SW- I was standing on line at Flour Bakery on Washington Street in the South End of Boston one Saturday afternoon. If you’ve ever been to the best bakery in town on a Saturday afternoon, you know the scenario, looooong line, but for the most part, people are patient and easy going about it. Most people recognize that this is the very small price you pay for the best pastry and coffee!

Typically, I click into the vibe and just hang on line observing the fortunate people who got there before me enjoying their treats. This particular Saturday though I happened to be late for a meeting and a little more fidgety than usual, repeating my order in my head a hundred times while shifting from left foot to right and barely inching forward. I kept hoping that the 2 adorable girlfriends ahead of me would have fun stories to tell each other so that I would be distracted eavesdropping. I noticed the watch of a patron ahead of me and realized that from the time I glanced at the clock as I jumped out of the car until this moment, twenty minutes of my life had slipped away, and it was right about at that moment that a woman came barging into the bakery and loudly proclaimed to the 2 adorable girls ahead of me, “I’m just grabbing pastry to go, so I’m NOT waiting in this line.”

 {We all have witnessed these people hastily walk into a room sighing, as if they are annoyed that they have to contend with anyone else in the human race. You can feel them thinking, “What are all of these people doing in MY way?”} 

One of the girls politely, but firmly replied, “I’m sorry, we’re all waiting on line for the same reason.” The woman repeated, “No, I’M not waiting in this line. It’s ridiculous. I’m just grabbing pastry to go.” The girls refused to cave in and very calmly and coolly replied, “You’re going to have to go to the end of the line and wait like everyone else.”  

Now instead of repeating my order over and over in my head, I started rehearsing all of the nasty, vile things I would have said to this brash woman had she so rudely tried to verbally push me around. Then I started to be thankful that she had in fact attacked “the wrong people.” Instead of dealing with my wrath and getting the verbal beating she so deserved, this woman’s misfortune struck when she came across the 2 super sweet, polite, kind and well-raised young women who didn’t get flustered for even a second, and put her in her place without missing a beat in their own conversation. Thank goodness there are still good people in the world, and thank goodness they were placed in front of me that day. The woman stormed out without her pastry.

Another reader sent this quote from Tennessee Williams: A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with which appalling experiences are survived with grace.

Cutting in line: It’s not all good. More people need to speak up. We can increase awareness, one person at a time.

Posted in Confronting without Confrontation, Personal Pet Peeves | 6 Comments »

Why Don’t People Care?

Book Chapter: Manners / Gratitude

Posted: 01/27/2010

Do you ever wonder why some people just don’t care unless it involves them? The question will be discussed at length in my book, but I want to put it out there for discussion.

Last night when I got to the gym at 8 o’clock, the locker room was packed as the after-work crowd was getting ready to head home or out on the town. I searched for some space to change, farthest away from all other humans. I finally found a corner with a little breathing room and a bench. As is often the case, a wet, used towel was on top of the bench, along with 2 wooden hangers that are usually inside of the lockers. It always amazes me that people who work out at a gym are too lazy to clean up after themselves. (Huge personal pet peeve.) I envision, Someone else will get it, going through the minds of the offenders, if anything at all. So much for leaving an area the way you’d like to find it.

After working out, I went to the very small steam room inside of the men’s locker room. There was one guy inside the steam, sitting on the left side of  the L-shaped bench that can accommodate 4 guys, max. I sat on the right side of the bench, on the opposite side, and as far away from the other guy as possible. Despite the fact that the gym is only a few years old, the temperature in the steam room is usually one extreme or the other, and very erratic. So there we were, 2 guys wrapped in towels in a cold steam room, waiting for the heat, careful not to make eye contact. The awkward silence in a steam or sauna is much worse than riding in an elevator, because it usually lasts longer. It’s even worse after you say hello and get no response, regardless of how innocuous or terse the greeting is. 

This reminds me of comedian Stephen Wright’s quip; When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for 5 minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice. It could have also been steam room practice.

Finally, the tension broke as the steam came roaring on and the temperature started to climb. As the heat and humidity started to kick in, someone opened the door, didn’t even look in, and let the door close very slowly, allowing the precious heat to escape. Guy #1 and I both made noises in disgust implying, What was that? Eventually another guy (#3) walks in and Guy #1 doesn’t slide over to make room for him. I’m already sitting at the end of my bench, so there’s nowhere for me to go. Guy #3 doesn’t push the issue, and decides to stand.  Another guy walks in and hurriedly brushes by standing Guy#3, and approaches the bench #1 is on as if to say, Make room, now, without even asking the guy who was there before him if he was waiting for a seat.  Guy #1 did slide over, and eventually when he left, he let the door close slowly, instead of quickly slamming it behind him…

As I sat there in my own little world, with my head down, occasionally lifting my eyes only high enough to watch what was going on, the questions, What makes people thoughtful?,  and Why don’t some people care? came to mind. Is it really that hard to think about how we would want to be treated while interacting and/or sharing space with other human beings? Apparently, for some people it is.

As I left the locker room, I counted fourteen steps from the bench the dirty towel was on, to the closest laundry bin that I had to pass on the way out.

So much for de-stressing at the gym. I guess if it weren’t for “them” I wouldn’t have a book to write…

I’m interested to hear your experiences and theories. Thank you.

Posted in Manners / Gratitude, Personal Pet Peeves | 12 Comments »