Server Not Servant

Tales From the Road- “Bite the bullet, peasant.”

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 01/13/2010

Since launching this blog at the end of October, I’ve received several emails, calls, questionnaire responses, and facebook messages that have strongly reinforced my resolve to see this project through. I really appreciate the effort made by everyone who has contacted me and by everyone who has been following and reading the blog. Thank you.

I wanted to share a few stories and some correspondence I’ve received:

– Mike Piehl, Berklee Grad, musician and carpenter, wrote a letter to the editor supporting the 12/6/09 piece in the Boston Globe Magazine featuring the blog. After reading Mike’s letter, I found him on facebook, and after swapping a few messages, I stopped into Atwood’s Tavern in Cambridge, MA where Mike was playing the drums to say hello. If you haven’t been to Atwood’s, it’s a great, old-school bar and restaurant with really good bands. The owners, Ben, Patrick and Ryan, are good guys who have worked hard to build a steady clientele. Liam, the quick-witted, engaging bartender, will keep you on your toes.

The night I visited, I swapped construction contracting stories with Mike (I had a painting contracting business), and he shared a story that I asked him to email to me later:

We’re working in this house in Cambridgeport doing finish-carpentry on this family’s kitchen. My friend Jorge and I were outside and just happened to come in quietly. The family doesn’t know we’re there. Their 11-yr old son comes home from school and his mother says, “Do you have any homework?” The son says, “Yeah, but I’ll do it later.” The mother snaps back, “You’ll do it now! Do you want to end up being a carpenter?”

–  SC in Boston via email for the Customer Hall of Shame book chapter;

I was working at Copy Cop in the early 80’s, just out of college. A known eccentric, a self-styled artiste, wanted some complicated copying done. I must have looked exasperated (having dealt with her before) so she offered the following words of comfort; “Bite the bullet, peasant.” That about says it all.

– My oldest brother Paul has made the long journey from Alaska to Boston several times in an RV with his loyal Newfoundlands on board. He constantly shares his ‘tales from the road’ by email, and he has shared the message and mission of this blog with several servers along the way. One of Paul’s regular stops is in LaCrosse, Wisconsin, his old stomping grounds. After Paul met John Kelly, a bartender in LaCrosse, I received the following email the next day;

I’m the manager of the Bodega Brew Pub in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. We carry over 350 different bottled beers at all times, domestic, imported and craft-brewed, as well as an ever-changing selection of draft beers. I was working the bar last evening and met your brother Paul, as he was passing through LaCrosse on his way to a teaching job in New York state. I enjoyed the conversation with him and suggesting several beers for him to try. He told me about your book and website, so I thought I’d contact you.

My life has taken an odd and circuitous path to lead me here. If someone had told me at the age of 18, when graduating high school, that at 44 I’d have a Ph.D. in mechanical engineering and managing a bar with one of the largest beer selections in the upper Midwest, I’d have told them they were crazy…The job intrinsically is the best there is, although the particulars can be more than frustrating. The Bodega is so unique, somehow an amalgam of a reality show, an esoteric comedy troupe, and a soap opera. Of course that could be said of most places. Regardless, I’ve enjoyed both the website and talking with your brother. Cheers-John

I hope everyone who has ever asked a server, What’s your real job? reads John’s comments. I also had a part-time doorman write in that a customer asked him, Did you even graduate high school to work this job? The doorman graduated from Boston University majoring in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology with a minor in Philosophy.

John Kelly- Thank you for your support. I look forward to raising several glasses with you when the book is published.

– Email from Warren Martinez :

Yes, your article did bring memories of days gone by, but not forgotten. I am still aware of service in any restaurant I visit. I guess it’s the by-product of years being in the business. Indeed there are some interesting stories to tell relative to the art of servicing people. My training started in 1937 setting tables for my parents’ Mexican Restaurant about an hour north of LA. I had to use a chair to stand on to set each table, forks on the left, knives and spoons on the right, making certain the blades were turned inward.

– Email from ST in Salem, MA:

“…Unfortunately, fueled by the mantra “The customer is always right,” the pendulum has swung so far to the extreme that servers have a new found fear because some trouble makers have learned that simply by making enough noise they can get a free lunch or get off on a power trip by bullying someone who is trying to do a good job. My wife and I love to eat out and have made it our practice to include the server in our experience and often will engage them in conversation… We’re almost always rewarded by not only having superior service, but also have enrichment in our lives…And all it takes is following the ancient golden rule.

– Questionnaire response from CS in LA, California: Why is it that some customers are rude and treat people in the service industries poorly?

I think there are those who believe that they are entitled by some right of birth to be superior, and therefore feel the common laws of humanity and civility don’t apply to them. They were typically raised in an environment that honed and encouraged this belief, and they have lacked proper life experience to teach them otherwise. They believe themselves to be so utterly distinguished and important and want everyone else in the world to understand the magnitude of their worth. Thus, they attempt to demonstrate their power by an extreme lack of compassion, courtesy and respect for others.

 Alternately, I feel there are those who consider themselves to be of a lower class and feel put-upon by society. Rather than understanding the plight of their server and relating as an equal, and more importantly, as a human, they act out some sort of antiquated caste revenge. They use their time in a restaurant to feel better about their own self-perceived low place in society by being rude to their servers, thus giving them a feeling of power and superiority.

– Email from Dick OBrien in Old Orchard Beach, Maine:

In 1973 I worked at a restaurant called Lechner’s in Boston. Werner Lechner was a fantastic cook and we achieved a four-star rating from Anthony  Spinazzola. That is when four stars meant something. Werner used to tell his customers to treat his help well because good help was very hard to find. He had a saying, “Customer is king, but not always right.”  (Dick’s email signature is, Work and Live With Passion.)

–  Email from EP in Ottawa, Ontario:

I’ve been working at call centers doing customer care work for the past four years. If you want a good perspective of how incredibly rude the human population can be, call center support workers probably have the best horror stories imaginable. Nobody can actually see who they’re talking to, therefore we can be screamed at, all while we’re trying to do our job efficiently and according to policy that we can’t change if we want to keep our jobs.

– Email from DZ (15-years restaurant industry experience) in Louisville, KY:

You are paying for a person’s time when you tip. If you only paid your contractor for the materials and not for the work they performed, it would be theft. A server is no different.

If there is some dirt on the lettuce (which grows in the dirt) in your salad, you should not get your entire meal for free. If there is something wrong with your food, your whole table is not entitled to free food as well.

– Questionnaire response from AS in Pewaukee, Wisconsin:

Most of the time people who are in the service industries get dehumanized. There are so few people who are outwardly kind. Maybe some people are shy, but also our society discourages strangers from being social in public. It is not so much that people are always rude, it is just that we are invisible to them, we cease to exist. The only reason I stay in the service industry is because of the good people, they make work tolerable.

– Questionnaire response from MS, a female server in Boston:

I asked a male customer with his baby if he’d like anything else with his coffee. He replied, “My baby would like some breast milk.”

– Questionnaire response from NC in Massachusetts:

Some countries have a requirement of every citizen to serve in the military. I think it would be wonderful if we had the requirement that everyone had to spend at least one year in a service position. Wishful thinking, I know!

– Email from MN, Boston:

Once a week my daughter and I go out to dinner together after hockey practice. After reading your list of 64 Suggestions for Restaurant Customers, we have changed our way of looking at dining out. A few weeks ago at dinner, Carlos, our server, came over and introduced himself. Instead of mumbling a token response, I stuck out my hand and introduced myself and my daughter. What a great time we had! Carlos gave my daughter a couple of different iced tea samples to try, and he noticed she liked the crackers and cheese, so he packed some extra for her to go. He was great. When we went in again last week, I made a point of requesting Carlos. He remembered us, and remembered what kind of iced tea my daughter liked. At one point my daughter turned to me and said, “Dad it’s like we’re regulars!” Your approach as a customer can make all the difference in the world.

 These sample responses are just the tip of the iceberg. Thanks again to everyone for writing. The questionnaire is now available under the “Submit Your Stories” tab at the top of the home page. Please keep the comments coming. Thank you-PM

1/14 Supplement: Updates on the devastation in Haiti and how you can help, can be found by clicking on Red Cross.

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One Response to “Tales From the Road- “Bite the bullet, peasant.””

1. Al Gundy says:

   January 16, 2010 at 11:21 PM

   I think that EVERYONE who acts with superiority is, whether they know it or not, compensating for a feeling of inadequacy, and in pain.

   Al

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