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We Are Each Other’s Customer
By: Patrick Maguire
Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service
Posted: 03/23/2010
I’ve met and corresponded with some really wonderful people as a result of writing this blog. There is a growing army of people who truly get the core message and mission of this project. I frequently get calls and emails from family, friends and readers who can’t wait to share their stories about their interactions with service industry workers and fellow human beings.
When I started writing this blog in October, I didn’t know what to expect. There’s always a risk when you put yourself and your opinions “out there” that no one will give a damn. From the initial feedback I’ve received, the topic of Human-to-Human Service and Civility resonates with a lot of you. Your stories and opinions are invaluable and critical to this project. I am grateful for your participation and feedback.
In early March, I received an email from Jean Marie Johnson that included a story that cuts to the core of what my blog and book are all about. Jean Marie is an independent business consultant who focuses on the human experience at work (see LinkedIn profile). She is also co-owner of The Mountain View Inn in beautiful Norfolk, CT.
A few weeks after reading Jean Marie’s email, I got out of bed in the middle of the night and emailed her, requesting permission to share the story she told me. Jean Marie promptly responded the next morning, and included a critical message in her response; The point I make in my work is that the most powerful influencer of others’ behavior is our own. Preemptive empathy can go a long way to shifting the energy.
Email from Jean Marie Johnson Fri, March 19, 2010 at 9:13am:
Subject: We Are Each Other’s Customer
…As a person who has traipsed across this country “training” service people for the last 15 years, I get it, I get it. One of the most important things I do in my workshops is acknowledge and empathize with the raw deal they get on the “server” side. And, the small help that I can be to them is to suggest that they work their influence on those mis-behaving customers by the choices they make. Here’s a little story, a case in point:
I was in New Jersey some years ago waiting for one of those “limo services” (a van, really) to drive me back to Connecticut. I was eighth or so in line and I knew that by the time the woman behind the counter got to me, she would be about ready to chop my head off. The vans were all late or broken down, and the weary travelers were taking it out on the counter lady. I prepared my strategy…
When it was finally my turn to be told that I’d just have to wait my turn, take a number, take a seat, I stepped up to her counter. I looked her in the eyes and told her that I could see she was having a really tough day. I went on to say that it must be really hard when the drivers don’t do their part, or the vans break down. She melted in a flash at the human moment I had created. She thanked me for understanding, and our partnership was sealed.
Oh, I had to wait, just like everyone else, but when I had to use the restroom, she gladly watched my bag. She even complimented me on my straw hat. We were in this dilemma together. When I saw someone raising his voice at her, I’d look her way and wag my head from side to side, as if to say “Ain’t it a shame the way some people act.” She would shoot me a glance and a little smile would appear on her face. You get the picture. I’d like to think that I helped her get through that day. I know I did, in fact…
…I am also an innkeeper, so I know a thing or two about customers, the server and the served.
Thank you, Jean Marie.
11 Responses to “We Are Each Other’s Customer”
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Permalink | Posted in Human-to-Human Service | 11 Comments »
What a nice story, Jean-Marie. It sounds like you have the human touch and really care about people. More people should be as understanding as you are in stressful situations and let the server know you really ‘get-it’!
I think Jean Marie’s story is about building community. Putting yourself in-another’s-shoes is being our brother’s/sister’s keeper, too. We are interdependent…we need each other and need to project “caring and competence” by being conscious of each others’ needs and interests. Paying forward by self-initiating kindness with authenticity and genuineness, if you will, builds trust – a key element of healthy relationships.
Dr. Hank
Jean Marie has it right…The most powerful influencer of others’ behavior is our own…including condoning bad behavior in others. Calling people out on their bad behavior also sets the example that it is not acceptable. Even if it’s just making a loud-enough-to-hear comment to someone you are with or wagging your head as Jean Marie did.
I’m sure her guests at The Mountain View Inn are grateful and repeat customers as she obviously cares about people.
Great story…A great example for all of us to emulate. Sometimes it is hard to do the right thing and easy to just go along with the crowd. Like Jean-Marie, we all should take a “we are all in this together” attitude rather than “I need/want this from you and I need it now!”
The other aspect of the very same concept is that you always have a choice when it comes to your own behavior – no matter what the situation is. So much wasted time and energy because of people that just don’t get that… I wish there was a tally board above the heads of these people reminding them of the collateral damage they cause every time they choose to yell at a person who can’t do anything about the situation anyway! I understand it’s frustrating – believe me, I’ve been stuck in airports more times than I care to remember – but there’s always a choice. And while the DB is yelling at the counter person for the umpteenth time, I’ll be busy calling that friend I’ve been meaning to call but never have a minute, or indulge in the latest issue of US Weekly, or simply shut my eyes for a few and catch my breath. Is it really that hard??
Thank you for sharing that story. It seems that today’s society encourages (if not rewards) the concept of “free agency”. It happens in service, it happens in sports, it happens in business, it happens in family, it happens in relationships;and, it happens every day. A true test of an individual’s moral compass is how he/she reacts when making those “split second” decisions. We should all look to surround ourselves with people who make those judgements instinctively considering “how my actions affect other people.”
This story reminds me of a situation I was in just a short time ago, on one of those horrendously rainy days we’ve been having. Every customer seemed to be in a bad mood – though you couldn’t really blame anyone, weather seems to dictate moods these days. The lines were relentless, and I was standing at the register, trying hard to smile and be kind, but every single person just behaved unfriendly or contradictory and it was really getting to me. Then a woman, who had been waiting for awhile, stepped up to the counter, smiled, greeted me by name, and said, “Take a deep breath, you deserve a moment.” We had a lovely conversation and that simple, kind gesture stopped me from losing it.
Like this blog a great deal – wonderful stories about a great industry with many pros who understand that it is about being a kind, decent human being and connecting on a real level with people that makes everything work well!
Wonderful that you get an array of correspondence from this site, and like Jean Marie I also agree that we are each others customer because we are here to provide for others, like others provide for us.
Thinking about others in any service situation shows more about who we are, than we care to believe. I think that by understanding the connection we all have with one another can help a person to see what service is really all about. As afterall we are TRULY on the earth altogether, and that includes any kind of service interaction along the way.
Lovely to be on your blog-found you on bloggeries.
Hello, I’ve been in the service business for a lifetime…restaurants , hotels and , now Real Estate…all tough disciplines…but taking that little bit of extra time to , just look into someones eyes , make a human contact , be genuine, caring and helpful counts for so much.
And for the Innkeeper, years ago, I was the Asst. GM of a resort hotel in Franconia, NH, and there had been a huge old wooden firetrap , aka Hotel in the ‘Notch’ , the owner wrote a book, saying that a hotel is the easiest biz to operate, ’cause …’every SOB , that comes thru the door tells you , just how to do it !’
Martin
Jean Marie has it right…The most powerful influencer of others’ behavior is our own…including condoning bad behavior in others. Calling people out on their bad behavior also sets the example that it is not acceptable. Even if it’s just making a loud-enough-to-hear comment to someone you are with or wagging your head as Jean Marie did.
I’m sure her guests at The Mountain View Inn are grateful and repeat customers as she obviously cares about people.