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Umbrella Rules
By: Patrick Maguire
Book Chapter: Personal Pet Peeves
Posted: 08/24/2010
I’m sorry for the delay between posts. I’m spending most of my time finalizing a proposal for a prospective publisher. Today’s post is just a spontaneous, rainy day rant.
We’ve had tremendous weather this summer in the Northeast, so we really can’t complain about a couple of days of rain. As always, on my way to and from the gym this afternoon, I engaged in one of my favorite pastimes, watching humans. Today’s observation, and personal pet peeve, people walking on Boston’s narrow city sidewalks with HUGE umbrellas. One woman had a two-tiered monstrosity that could easily keep a family of 5 dry during a monsoon. It was so big and out of place that it was funny. It looked like she stole it off of a table from a restaurant patio.
Another woman had an over-sized, promotional umbrella with Bacardi emblazoned on the top. She was charging down the sidewalk with the umbrella leading the way. I have to admit, unlike many days, people were pretty good today about being aware of each other, tilting and lifting or lowering their umbrellas when passing a fellow pedestrian.
I thought it would be fun to open up the discussion to umbrella war stories, and your suggestions for Umbrella Rules for the general public.
I’ll start:
#1- If you’re on a crowded city sidewalk with an umbrella intended for a golf course, picnic table or the beach, be aware of other humans and make room for them. Invite your unprotected brothers and sisters to join you for shelter. There’s plenty of room.
11 Responses to “Umbrella Rules”
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Permalink | Posted in Personal Pet Peeves | 11 Comments »
I got off the subway at 34th & 7th, NYC, and had to walk 6 blocks down to 28th where I lived at the time. It was around 6 p.m., winter, darkish, and throngs of people were swarming across 7th on their way to Penn Station. Every one of theem had an umbrella. Walking those 6 blocks was a daunting task, but my head said, “You can do this easy, gaz, cos you’re a fuckin’ New Yorker.” I weaved and ducked and got through that mob with no incident or problem. Came out with a big smile on my face. It’s what being a fuckin’ New Yorker is all about.
I’m a bartender in a neighborhood restaurant. You have to walk through the bar to get to the dining room. Sometimes on rainy days as you walk through the front door, there is quite literally an umbrella minefield dotting the floor of the bar. Some guests have no clue. This also usually leads to a slippery barfloor which makes matters worse. This is not the foyer in your home, it’s the only way to get to the dining room! As a side note, I have acquired quite a few snazzy umbrellas by guests who left theirs behind. You should see my hall closet!
When you see an oncoming umbrella, raise yours higher, or shift it to the side. If you are an oncoming umbrella, note what the umbrella across from you is doing, and do the opposite. Then you’ll both be polite and dry!
Great post. Umbrellas are one of my pet peeves. I work at a college and when students are around watch out! I have had to pull some matrix-like moves to dodge and duck away from oncoming umbrellas. OK…maybe that is a bit of hyberbole, but it is quite annoying. When an umbrella is pulled down over the person’s face, how can you even see what is coming at you, and when you have umbrella on umbrella contact, look out. My suggestion would be to ditch the umbrella and wear a jacket.
Great Post! I happened to like using an umbrella but I think peolpe need to be aware of others more when using one at sporting events. When the umbrella fills with water it is polite to move away from others to shake off the excess rain. This doesn’t always happen causing the surrounding peolpe to get wet!
(Defeating the whole purpose of using an umbrella:)
Unless you’re protecting a child, elderly or sick person, no umbrella needed. There are many fashionable rainhats for men and women. Eric Wheeling – Once at the Busy Bee (restaurant, Brookline), a woman was letting her umbrella drip on the tile floor as she waited for a table. There was an umbrella stand, and a large rubber mat on which she was standing (which could absorb the water). People can be just clueless.
Really? Now you’re just nitpicking. Many of your fellow Americans live in the middle of nowhere, where trying to get down a city street without umbrella conflict is a non- issue. I lived in Portland, Or. for 12 years where it can pour down rain for days at a time without stopping. The only umbrella issues there were, “where did I leave that effing thing?”
Please try not to drown in minutia, there are serious problems in the world. Landslides and hurricanes and such.
Like father like son. I hate umbrellas! They are unnecessary and obnoxious. Does anyone know a story about serious umbrella rage?
If you’re using an umbrella, be aware of other people around you and keep your distance. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve been jabbed by someone elses umbrella…. It annoys the hell out of me.
Here in Ogunquit, where there is never a drop of rain during beach hours, only at night , like in Camelot..I was for years the host at a very popular restaurant called JACKIES TOO, I went to the local ‘dollar store’ and for a dollar you can get a perfectly ,good utilitarian umbrella, then when some one needs one , you can give it to them, , you feel good, they feel dry and hopefully recall where they got the damned thing , next time they’re in town and feel hungry.
Martin Crosby
I do like my umbrella, as I live in the fickle climes of New England, and hate being rained/sleeted/snowed upon.
1: My umbrella is not “picnic-table” sized. It’s reasonable for me to have an umbrella that can accomodate myself, or another person, if we walk closely. I have no problem sharing my shelter with another if they also need it. 😉
2: In close sheltered quarters (say, you hop on the T) please, don’t shake the water off of your umbrella, spraying those nearby with unwanted droplets of water or risk gouging others’ eyes out with the ribs of your umbrella. Kindly fold it up and place it at your feet. OMG, a puddle? Really, there’s much more to worry about on the T than a little puddle of rainwater draining from the umbrella at your feet. Like, that guy leering at you from across the way. Or..a puddle of much more dubious origin than rainwater, especially after a night that the Sox played at Fenway. Horrifying. 😉
3: Just be considerate. That’s all I’m getting at, I suppose. I know, it’s tough to do, but just try. Please.