Server Not Servant

Boston’s Inferno 11/28/1942

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 11/29/2009

Lauren Clark, a fellow Boston blogger, published a post last week, Remembering Cocoanut Grove, commemorating the 67th anniversary of the horrible tragedy in which 492 people were killed and hundreds more were wounded. I encourage you to read Lauren’s post and all of the links and comments associated with it.  Lauren’s blog is also an excellent resource for “Bars, Bartenders and Imbibing in Beantown.”

After reading Lauren’s post, I realized I didn’t know enough about such an important chapter of Boston’s history. On Saturday I walked over to Piedmont Street in Boston’s Bay Village neighborhood to find a brass plaque memorializing the fire. The plaque is lodged into the brick sidewalk diagonally across the street from 24 Piedmont Street behind  erbaluce restaurant. As I turned the corner onto Piedmont Street, a group of tourists coming towards me crossed right over the plaque without pause, unaware of the sacred grounds upon which they were walking. Strangely enough, the enscription on the bottom of the plaque reads, “Phoenix out of the Ashes.”

There is also a mention on the lower-left  side about the plaque’s craftsman;

Anthony Marra is mentioned in Stephanie Schorow’s book, The Cocoanut Grove Fire, and also in John C. Esposito’s book, Fire in the Grove.

From page 25 of The Cocoanut Grove Fire: “Busboy Tony Marra found clean air by opening a freezer and sticking his head into an empty ice-cream bucket. Then he heard a clang, and he raced into the walk-in refrigerator, where about 15 people had crammed themselves in. He pounded on the door screaming: Please let me in, I’m only fifteen years old. He heard only, Get out of here, kid, there’s no room left. Marra dashed back into the kitchen, where he spotted a window between steam pipes and, smashed the glass, wiggled to safety, maple walnut ice cream dripping from his hair.”

From page 79 of Fire in the Grove: “Little Anthony Marra, a fifteen-year-old bar boy, stuck his face into a large container of ice cream–reported to be maple walnut–to cool his burning face and give himself time to plan his escape.”

I tried all conventional methods of researching Anthony Marra’s life after he crafted the plaque, but have had no luck so far. (11/30/09 Update: I received an email back from Stephanie Schorow indicating that Anthony Marra had passed away before she had an opportunity to interview him.)

The stories and interviews about the fire are fascinating to read. Here are a few, in addition to the links in the DrinkBoston post, that I recommend;

The full text of Report concerning the Cocoanut Grove fire, November 28, 1942 by William Arthur Reilly, Boston Fire Commissioner: http://www.archive.org/stream/reportconcerning00bost/reportconcerning00bost_djvu.txt

The Melrose Mirror Features 2002 by Russ Priestley: http://melrosemirror.media.mit.edu/servlet/pluto?state=3030347061676530303757656250616765303032696430303436363035

The Watertown Press & Tab 2007: Fireman remembers the Cocoanut Grove by Jillian Fennimore: http://www.wickedlocal.com/watertown/news/x281678494

Here’s to remembering all of the workers and customers who died or were injured on that horrific weekend 67 years ago. Also, here’s to all of the Firefighters, Police Officers, EMT’s, Hospital Workers, Military Personnel and civilians who rescued and treated as many lives as they could on that fateful night.

I welcome your stories and tributes.

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Thanks For Looking Out

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 11/22/2009

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks since the blog was launched. After several media outlets linked to my list of 64 Suggestions for Restaurant Customers, we had 10,260 visits to the site over a 5-day period. We’ve had visitors from every US state and from 80 other countries. Thanks to all of you for visiting the blog, and to everyone who steered traffic to my site by attaching a link in your stories.

I also appreciate all the comments and discussion following the 64 suggestions. Here are some of the greatest hits that caught my eye:

#4-Meals: “Just because a diner shells out a waiter’s tip…does not mean they ‘own’ that person and get to abuse him/her.”

 #11-tpdx: “…just be a decent person to me and I’ll be a decent person to you.” (Seriously, it’s not that hard.)  

 #16-Xiao Gou: “The customers who truly win are the ones who come in intending to have a pleasant meal and succeed in doing just that.”

 #24-Jude: “One customer at a time.”  (I love this quote and it’s going in the book.)

 #40-John: “And I get that servers get a bad rap. But at the same time, a job is about just that – providing excellent service.” (I agree 100%. Please see the introduction to my book in the red box in the right-hand side of this page.)

 #47-Gwen: “I am no longer a server, but I hold the position dear to my heart… I had years of martial arts training and had no problem instinctively taking someone down if they grabbed me by surprise…No one wants anyone to get hurt.” (Love that.)

 #48-JP: “Just please be respectful and acknowledge people in the service industry as human beings. It’s really not that difficult.” (Amen.)

 #51-Michelle: “Come on now, am I a dog and will get a doggie treat if I perform well?”

 #59-Boston Restaurant Guy: “The average restaurant profit and loss statement has 30 line items to manage. Add to that typical business challenge an organic, perishable, maddeningly inconstant product that must be consistently manufactured by hand hundreds of times a day. There is a varying human element in production, distribution, and of course consumption. Oh yes, toss in the weather and you begin to more fully understand the challenge your corner bistro undertakes in their daily battle to do what they love and keep the doors open.”

 #61-Micaela: “I guess a forum like this is just a place where we can let off some steam and say, hey, think about it, we are all just people here!”

 #62-Jon C.: “In almost all cases, rudeness and arrogance have a ripple effect, sometimes throughout the entire establishment…”

 #68–Jenny: “I’m sensing (and welcoming) an overall movement formed of restaurant staff and patrons alike who are no longer willing to smile politely in the face of jerks. I hope it catches on.”

 I’m with you Jenny. I’ve actually tweaked the mission of my project a bit after reading all of your comments. The mission of the blog and book is to engage people in a dialogue that will result in more respect for all service industry workers and greater civility among human beings.

 I also received several emails from readers, including a jovial exchange with Bruce Buschel, the author of the list of 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do. For the record, Bruce seems like a good-natured guy, and we agreed to raise a glass or two in the future. Bruce, if you’re reading this, I’d like to volunteer to work in your new restaurant on opening night. After all of the publicity, it’s bound to be an eventful evening…

 As I was reading through the comments to my last post, I remembered an excerpt from  the Human-to-Human Service chapter of my book:  

 In May of 2008 I was walking home from the gym and came upon a street person sitting on one of the lower stairs of a stoop. His eyes were closed, his head was slumped with his chin resting on his chest, and his elbows were resting on his knees. He looked very peaceful with his face in the warm sun. He had a nip of booze, and a beer in a twisted brown bag, on the step next to him.

 What caught my eye and made me stop was the lit cigarette delicately balancing between his fingers. There was a long trail of ash about to fall into his lap as he dozed off. Hey Guy, I said, startling him, as he awoke and caught my eyes. I didn’t want the butt to fall in your lap, I said, as he looked up at me. His spontaneous reaction struck me and made me think of the bigger picture as I walked away, Thanks for looking out, he said succinctly, while flicking the ashes on the sidewalk.

 After smiling at him I thought– Imagine how much easier all of our lives would be if we all looked out for each other a little more? My neighbor reinforced a valuable lesson that day. We can all learn so much by observing and participating in what’s happening around us, by paying attention to each other, getting involved, and looking out for each other more often.

                                              –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –

On November 11th, 2001, Sam Allis wrote a piece in the Boston Globe called, The Hard Season. “… November is crowned by the great American holiday, Thanksgiving. We invented it here. It is a perennial winner because it carries none of the emotional baggage of Christmas and the religious spin is light. As Garrison Keillor wrote, it’s a peasant holiday where all you have to do is sit down and eat.”

Enjoy your Thanksgiving.

11/25 update: Please read this piece called,  Redemption and Gratitude by Yvonne Abraham in today’s Boston Globe. If anyone is wondering, the song that Bobcat was singing is I’m Stone in Love With You by The Stylistics in 1972. Great article, great song.

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64 Suggestions for Restaurant Customers

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Personal Pet Peeves

Posted: 11/5/2009

Bruce Buschel created an on-line buzz last week when he submitted his list of 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 1) on a NYT blog called, You’re the Boss, which is a blog devoted to running small businesses. As it turns out, the list is actually comprised of 50 dos and don’ts for the prospective servers and staff who will work for Mr. Buschel at his new seafood restaurant. One of the interesting, and arguably controversial aspects of this list is that Mr. Buschel has no prior restaurant industry experience. Perhaps the list is not the best recruiting tool, but it certainly has generated a great deal of publicity.

Despite the fact that some of the items on Mr. Buschel’s list seem a bit rigid, I agree with almost all of them. Most fine-dining establishments would be well served if their staff adhered to these common sense guidelines. The items listed are consistent with the basic tenets of professional, upscale restaurant service. In fact, many of them are included  in CARDINAL SINS, a list of 129 details given to employees at Le Bernardin in NYC by Maître d’ Ben Chekroun. This list is from Eric Ripert’s Life on the Line and reprinted in the NY Magazine. (I personally spoke with Ben today. He was extremely gracious and confirmed that he still uses this list.)

My list of 64 suggestions for restaurant customers has been compiled from my experience as a bartender and restaurant manager, my dining experience over the last 30 years, as well as questionnaire responses from 150 servers, and thousands of conversations with restaurant industry professionals.

I submit my list with a few caveats:

 

• I tried to stay consistent with Bruce Buschel’s theme of service in an upscale restaurant.  (Many of them could apply anywhere.)
• I purposely focused my suggestions on what customers should not do in response to Mr. Buschel’s intent of primarily focusing on what restaurant staff should not do. Obviously there are a lot of positive things that a customer can do to improve their dining experience. Future posts will focus on positive suggestions and “Hall of Fame” customers. There’s an entire chapter of my book devoted to great customers and people in general.
• There are a few comments that relate to bar etiquette, but that’s a post for another day.
• I tried to shy away from suggestions that have been beaten into submission on every customer list ever created, but there are some that needed to be included for emphasis. (Pardon the overlap of recurring themes.)
• There are exceptions to every rule, and two sides to every story. Every situation and interaction is unique.
• My list of suggestions for restaurant operators new to the industry is in the works. (Feel free to email me your suggestions.)

 

1. Never ignore a warm greeting from the host or any employee of the restaurant, even if you are just going to the bar.
2. Reciprocate a greeting with a greeting, not I need, I want, or silence.
3. Never blurt your name, the number in your party, and the time of your reservation in response to a warm welcome. Acknowledge the existence of a fellow human being.
4. Don’t think that holding up a specific number of fingers without saying anything is an appropriate response to a host’s greeting.
5. Don’t walk into a restaurant, point to a table and say, We’re just going to sit there, as you breeze by the hostess.
6. Don’t pound on the door before the restaurant opens. If the weather is nice, wait until the restaurant officially opens. If you are invited in early (out of bad weather, for example) as a courtesy, don’t start making demands. Good restaurants will graciously accommodate you while you wait.
7. Leave the chip on your shoulder, sour attitude, and nasty disposition at home. The staff really does want you to have an enjoyable evening.
8. Don’t throw a menu at the host and walk out yelling because there’s a long wait or you don’t like the menu or prices.
9. Don’t make a reservation for 6 and show up with a total of 4 and say, We just wanted lots of room.
10. Don’t glare at the host and ask, “What are we supposed to do?”, after she gives you clear dining options. I can seat you now at the bar, or “I’ll have a table for you in about an hour” is pretty clear.
11. Make a human connection with your server and the staff to acknowledge that you value them and the difficult job that they’re doing.
12. Remember that the customer has almost as much responsibility for the success of the interaction and experience as the staff does.
13. Never attempt the old; Do you know who I am? Anyone who is ignorant enough to try any variation on that question should have a trap door open under them and they should never be seen or heard from again.
14. Don’t expect or demand perfection. The world is not perfect, and neither are you.
15. Don’t be a name dropper to curry favor. No one really cares who you know or how important you think you are, especially when they’re in the weeds.
16. Some restaurants mandate that servers introduce themselves to their tables and some servers do it at their discretion. If a server introduces herself, skip the sarcastic, My name is Fred and I’ll be your customer…
17. Don’t be an (un)amusing douche. If you’re returning to a restaurant known for sending a complimentary taste (amuse-bouche) before your meal, don’t presume that they are going to do it every time, and don’t specify what you want for that little free thing. (Yes, there are people who actually ‘order’ their amuse-bouche.)
18. Don’t drop the; I’m in the industry line and expect the seas to part for you.  (It defies logic, but some restaurant industry people can be the worst.)
19. Don’t walk into a restaurant and start telling the staff what they should or shouldn’t do. There’s an appropriate way to offer suggestions if the opportunity presents itself.
20. Don’t tell the staff that you’ve dined in the best restaurants around the world and expect them to be in awe.
21. Be aware and observe what’s going on in the restaurant and imagine what it’s like to be in your server’s shoes. No, it’s ‘not your problem’ that a party of twenty arrived at the exact same time that you did, the computer (POS) is broken, or that the health inspector walked in at 8 o’clock on Saturday night, but try to empathize.
22. Never snap your fingers, whistle like you’re calling a dog, waive your hand in the air like you’re hailing a cab, or yell Hey followed by anything, when you’re trying to get your server’s attention. (Pardon me, or Excuse me, when you have a moment please work really well.)
23. Respect the fact that restaurants have policies for specific reasons, despite the fact that they might not make sense to you.
24. Don’t show off in front of your date or dining companions by trying to upstage the sommelier or server with your worldly knowledge. (You actually might learn something from them.)
25. Don’t expect the staff to create something out of thin air. We’re out of specials means they don’t have any left, and you’re not getting one.
26. Treat the staff with dignity, respect and kindness. You don’t have to kiss ass, but common courtesy is a two-way street. Be friendly, polite and patient. Treat the staff the way that you would want customers to treat you if you were doing their job.
27. Don’t be dramatic and make a big deal out of nothing. Don’t let a small mistake or miscue derail your entire evening. Some things happen that your server has no control over. Be forgiving and help get things back on track. Work with the staff. It’s not life and death.
28. Speak up when something’s not right, and escalate the matter if necessary. Most high-end restaurants will go to great lengths to correct problems and to ensure that you enjoy everything about your meal and experience. Give them a chance to rise to the occasion.
29. Be grateful that you’re out enjoying a nice meal. Life is short and fragile. A lot of people can’t afford to dine out, especially at expensive restaurants.
30. Don’t act as if you are the only customer in the restaurant. Be cognizant of the fact that your service team has other customers who expect the same great service as you.
31. Understand that everything is not going to happen at the precise moment that you want it to.
32. Don’t interrupt a server who is attending to customers at another table.
33. If your kids have a complete meltdown, take your food to go, and get them out of the restaurant, fast.
34. While we’re on the obvious ones, keep your phone on vibrate, speak quietly if you have to take a call at the table, or take your call out of earshot of your fellow diners.
35. Don’t start a sentence with Gimmee or Get me.
36. Don’t argue with a bartender who tells you that the barstools you’re trying to claim are for someone who was waiting before you. Forget telling her that the people who just vacated the stools told you that you could have them.
37. Be reasonable and flexible. Dining out is a fluid, dynamic event involving imperfect human beings and several moving parts.
38. Don’t treat your servers or support staff with disdain as if they are members of a lower caste.
39. Never say anything mean-spirited, degrading, condescending or abusive to any of the staff.
40. Don’t brag about your income, or anything that is intended to demonstrate your superiority in front of the staff. Leave your insecurities at the door.
41. Don’t get angry at a barback, busser or food runner who can’t fulfill your request. There are often limitations on what they are authorized to do.
42. Be understanding when there’s a medical emergency, power outage, fire alarm or computer meltdown in the middle of dinner service. Be patient, flexible and supportive. Everyone else is in the same boat. Try to think beyond Me, Myself and I.
43. Respond to your servers questions, and never ignore your server. It’s humiliating to be purposely ignored.
44. Don’t say you’re ready to order, then contemplate forever while your server is anxiously waiting in a packed dining room.
45. Don’t talk loudly about personal things that make the staff and everyone around you uncomfortable.
46. Don’t talk loudly, period.
47. Don’t indignantly tell the staff what they should have on the menu, the wine list or the liquor shelf.
48. Don’t be that customer who isn’t happy until he gets something for free. Sending an entrée back after you’ve eaten half of it is one of the oldest tricks in the book.
49. Never clap or laugh when a staff member drops something that smashes on the floor. It’s embarrassing enough without you piling on.
50. Lose the I pay you, I own you mentality. Yes, the staff is there to serve you, but not as your indentured servants.
51. Don’t be unyielding and play the I’m the customer card expecting the staff to fulfill unreasonable requests.
52. Ladies- If you’re part of a bridal or baby shower brunch (or any celebration) at a large table that is part of the main diningroom, please be aware that your shrill, piercing screams are loathed by the staff and everyone else in the restaurant.
53. Gentlemen- Upscale restaurants are not frat houses. If you want to shout and high-five each other, with no regard for those around you, do it at home.
54. Police your own crowd. If your dining companions exhibit boorish or abusive behavior towards the staff, don’t tolerate it. Be assertive, speak up, and make sure they apologize.
55. Don’t even jokingly threaten your server with a bad on-line review to curry favor.
56. Don’t throw your credit card at your server like you’re playing cards.
57. Don’t leave a shitty tip because you’re from out of town and will, never see these people again. (Tipping will be covered in future posts.)
58. Don’t fold up a dollar or two and ‘slip it’ to the host in front of everyone to see, along with the patronizing; Here’s a little something for you. If you want to be a big shot, tip everyone accordingly, and send the kitchen a round of beers or a shot of Patrón.
59. Don’t anonymously bash a restaurant on-line or anywhere without giving them an opportunity to address a problem or make restitution.
60. Don’t lie, embellish, or omit critical details when you anonymously trash a restaurant on the Internet.
61. Actively seek out servers and staff members who do a great job. Tell them and their bosses how pleased you are before you leave the restaurant.
62. Be as diligent with your compliments as you are with your criticisms. Take a moment to post a positive review, make a phone call, send an e-mail or drop a note to the owner. Exemplary service should be acknowledged and rewarded.
63. According to more than 150 servers who responded to my questionnaire, 19% of customers are impolite, disrespectful or downright rude. Please don’t be one of them. Thank you.
64. For the sake of everyone who works in the restaurant industry, please forward this list to everyone you know. Enjoy your dinner.

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In the Fray

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Family-Life Experiences

Posted: 10/29/2009

Walk a Mile in My Shoes
(Joe South and The Believers-1969)

If I could be you, if you could be me for just one hour
If we could find a way to get inside each other’s mind
If you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego
I believe you’d be surprised to see that you’ve been blind
Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Yeah, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes…

If these lyrics resonate, you’ve been there. You know what slammed, swamped, in the weeds, drowning, and going down in flames mean. You’ve felt the rush, the anxiety, and the tension of having customers four-deep at a packed bar, staring at you, waving money and yelling for drinks while you run, work, and execute as fast as humanly possible.

I remember that feeling very well from my bartending days. I can still see several sets of eyes fixed on my every move, vying for my attention, as I ran up and down the bar trying to keep all the customers and servers happy. I can still feel the adrenaline, excitement and pressure to perform while my mind, eyes, hands, and legs were moving as quickly as possible.

Bartending, and all service industry jobs, can be unnerving. Working a double can include 16 hours of set-up, service and clean-up that is physically and emotionally exhausting. Some stretches can be so busy that you barely have time to use the bathroom, and if there’s time to eat, it’s on the fly, standing up, often over a barrel… I remember coming home after marathon shifts, when I was wiped out beyond delirium, fighting to keep my eyes open, and struggling to muster the strength to shower before crashing. (Forgoing a shower after a sweaty shift is done at your own peril.) I remember passing out on my couch feeling battered beyond sore, as if I had bounced around in an industrial clothes dryer, twitching, jerking, and being startled awake because I was over-tired. Unless you’ve worked as a server in any capacity, and felt the tension, pressure and exhilaration that goes along with being in the fray, you will never have a full appreciation for the intensity of the experience.

Yes, you can empathize, but you will never know what it really feels like. You never know what you’re going to experience from one customer to the next. Some people are refreshingly wonderful, but far too often they are unnecessarily cruel, condescending, and selfish. I remember thinking to myself on several occasions that people would never speak to me the way that they did if they spent one full shift working with me, my co-workers, or any worker who deals with customers.

Working in the service industries is an extremely humbling, sometimes humiliating, and always an eye-opening experience. You develop a lot of empathy and appreciation for everyone who serves you the rest of your life after you’ve ‘been there,’ and it changes your entire approach to ‘customer service’ forever. In fact, I’ve had several conversations with servers contemplating a world full of people who worked a mandatory six-month stint in customer service. If everyone spent a little bit of time on the receiving end of the general public’s wrath, the world would be a lot more gracious, patient, and humble place.

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