To Shame or Not to Shame?

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 03/8/2015

On the heels of one of the biggest stories in the news last week, publicly shaming abusive guests and fellow humans, I made 2 lists for current and future consulting clients to consider before pulling the trigger. Now that we’ve all had time to reflect on the incidents and the aftermath, I decided to make my lists public here for discussion.

Reasons why initiating public shaming of customers by a business on social media is a bad idea:

  1. Defending the decision or apologizing for it can be a huge time drain.
  2. The distraction from running your business.
  3. It could backfire badly.
  4. The other side of the story.
  5. The truth.
  6. If you or your staff are culpable, you’ve created an (unnecessary) opportunity for the spotlight to shine brightly on your mishandling of the situation, lack of training, professionalism and experience.
  7. The potential perception that your shaming of guests may be perceived as passive aggressive and cowardly, the same thing many of us accuse amateur ‘reviewers’ of.
  8. Screenshots and residual articles and comments are forever, along with the negative connotations.
  9. The satisfaction is usually temporary, and often not worth it.
  10. The questions about your true motives. (Is it to compensate for something you’re not doing or to create a distraction?)
  11. The risk. It’s rarely 100% beneficial.
  12. The sycophantic, ‘hero’ worshiping, cheerleaders who may enjoy the entertainment aren’t your true friends.
  13. The high road.
  14. Revenge/retaliation.
  15. Inciting ex-employees with a legitimate ax to grind to unearth ugly truths. (Wrongful termination, etc.)
  16. Inciting ex-’everythings’  to expose your skeletons. (Stiffed/jaded vendors, consultants, etc.)
  17. The longer-term implications for the shamed could ultimately be more severe than their improprieties warrant.
  18. Potentially being accused of staging the incident for PR purposes.
  19. The questions raised about your professionalism and hospitality philosophy.
  20. Huge distraction for FOH staff when future customers repeatedly ask about the incident.
  21. The story will be repeated over and over inaccurately, with negative connotations for you and your business.
  22. You’re better off letting someone else do it, bloggers, media, customers, Chowhounds, etc.
  23. Your PR firm may fire you.
  24. Potential lawsuit.
  25. Google.

Reasons why initiating public shaming of customers by a business on social media is a great idea:

  1. You’ve slept on it and considered all 25 reasons above and are convinced that you, your employees, future guests, your brand and your business will benefit in the long run.

There are exceptions when we’re backed into a corner and need to defend ourselves, our families, staff,  brands, businesses, the ‘truth’, and fight fire with fire. Absolutely. And there’s no doubt with the way that technology has evolved, and the way people sometimes use it as a threat, that we’ve all been tempted to strike back, and have in some cases. I’ve done it probably more often than I should have via blog posts. We all wish we could have moments back and could have handled things differently. As business owners, employees and customers, we can all learn from this recent spate of public shamings, and reflect on how we might respond the next time we’re tempted.

I strive for the mission of this blog and my book project to present balanced views of the issues. That doesn’t always happen because we’re all biased and my bias has a (strong) tendency to sympathize with workers/owners vs. customers in most instances. I understand that, and I’ll continue to work on being more objective while researching and posting here.

I welcome your comments and perspective.

Permalink | Posted in Customer Hall of Shame | 9 Comments »

Attorney Benjamin Edelman “Internet Sheriff” on ill-advised crusade

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 12/10/2014

The level of stupidity that service industry workers and owners encounter interacting with the public is astonishing. Last week a Boston restaurant owner and food truck operator shared the story about a woman who called and was irate because her nephew didn’t get the exact hamburger he wanted. Her nephew and his friend only paid $7.50 for two burgers (one was comped because of a communication error), but the woman demanded a $30 refund. I know, “fuzzy math.” He ended up sending her a $10 gift card to keep the peace. It never ends.

This one from Hilary Sargent at  is tough to beat. Attorney Ben Edelman took  Sichuan Garden to task over a $4 “overcharge” on his takeout order, and in an email exchange, things got out of control. The email exchange was shared with and suddenly it became a huge story.

I’ve reached out to Benjamin and the dean of the Harvard Business School (where he purportedly teaches negotiations) for comment.

From Ben’s website: “Ben holds a Ph.D. from the Department of Economics at Harvard University, a J.D. from the Harvard Law School, an A.M. in Statistics from the Harvard Graduate School of Arts and Sciences, and an A.B. in Economics from Harvard College (summa cum laude). He is a member of the Massachusetts Bar.”

Not a whole lot of common sense or street smarts from a guy with so many degrees

Ben Edelman (left) and Ran Duan (right)

By Hilary Sargent, Staff | 12.09.14 | 3:28 PM

Ben Edelman is an associate professor at Harvard Business School, where he teaches in the Negotiation, Organizations & Markets unit.

Ran Duan manages The Baldwin Bar, located inside the Woburn location of Sichuan Garden, a Chinese restaurant founded by his parents.

Last week, Edelman ordered what he thought was $53.35 worth of Chinese food from Sichuan Garden’s Brookline Village location.

Edelman soon came to the horrifying realization that he had been overcharged. By a total of $4.

If you’ve ever wondered what happens when a Harvard Business School professor thinks a family-run Chinese restaurant screwed him out of $4, you’re about to find out. (Hint: It involves invocation of the Massachusetts Consumer Protection Statute and multiple threats of legal action.)

Surprised yet? We were, too.

In addition to teaching at HBS, Edelman also operates a consulting practice where he advises clients like Microsoft, the NFL, the New York Times, and Universal Music on “preventing and detecting online fraud (especially advertising fraud).” (That’s from Edelman’s own website, which it seems safe to presume is always kept up to date.)

He graduated summa cum laude from Harvard College. He has a Ph.D. in economics from Harvard University, and a law degree from Harvard Law School.

Ran Duan moved to the U.S. from China when he was 3-years-old. His father had hoped to support the family with a career as an opera singer, but when that didn’t pan out, Duan says “like all Chinese families we decided to open up a restaurant.”

Sichuan Garden opened its doors in Brookline in the early 1990s. A second location followed in Woburn.

Despite the restaurant’s successful expansion, Duan admittted that Sichuan does not have the budget for teams devoted to public relations or a website that is updated as regularly as it should be.

Screenshot of Sichuan Garden’s website as of December 9.

“I personally respond to every complaint and try to handle every situation personally,” said Duan, who was profiled by Boston Magazine in June and featured in GQ Magazine last month as “America’s Most Imaginative Bartender.”

The exchange with Edelman stood out to Duan. “I have worked so hard to make my family proud and to elevate our business. It just broke my heart.”

Edelman told that investigating pricing discrepancies by neighborhood restaurants isn’t something he does every day.

“I mostly look for malfeasance by larger companies,” he said. “It certainly seems like a situation that could call for legal redress. But this is a small business in the town where I reside.”

As for the troves of angry customers likely looking for recourse? Edelman pointed to Massachusetts General Law, Section XV, Chapter 93A, Section 9. (Translation: If you didn’t pass the Massachusetts bar, but still feel as though you must do SOMETHING, then just gather all the receipts you’ve saved, along with all screenshots you took and saved of the website menu in case that dinner order ever ended up in court, find a lawyer whose fees aren’t likely to exceed the few dollars you’re seeking, and … voila?)

As for Edelman, he alerted town officials in Brookline about the matter, but told he doesn’t expect them to take action. He plans to “take a few days” before deciding whether to pursue any further legal action against the restaurant.

Oh and the food? Edelman admitted: “It was delicious.”

Permalink | Posted in Customer Hall of Shame | 3 Comments »

Tribute to a True Gentleman-Bartender, Josh Childs

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 09/30/2014

Much to the dismay of Boston’s restaurant community and Tuesday night tipplers, tonight marks the last ‘official’ shift for Josh Childs behind the bar at Silvertone in Boston’s Downtown Crossing. We will miss his affable, warm, welcoming, inclusive and good-natured presence and humor behind the bar. Long ago dubbed, the “Godfather of Boston Hospitality,” Josh is a guy whose laudatory reputation accurately precedes him.

It’s time to celebrate one of Boston’s most beloved bartenders.

One of the first “Josh moments” I had was at Silvertone. After talking with someone outside for several minutes, I came back to my stool at the bar and my High Life was in a mini “beer cooler,” a Boston Shaker tin filled with ice to keep my beer cold. Absolutely brilliant. After several similar interactions with Josh, I quickly realized that the legend was not myth.

A few years back, Misty Kalkofen asked me to help coordinate the initiative to bring “Hey Bartender,” a bartending documentary to Boston. Part of the initiative included assembling a panel of Boston bartenders for an on-stage discussion after the film. I was anxious about getting a great group to commit to the event. Not only did Josh participate, he showed up to dinner with the director before the film, then added his down-to-earth candor, wisdom and insight to the panel discussion. It was a huge relief to have Josh and his voice included in the conversation. Two days after the event, I received a hand-written envelope in the mail. It was an old-school, ‘Thank You’ note from Josh stating that he was “honored to participate.” I was nervous as hell about assembling a panel, and the living legend himself not only comes through, but takes time to humbly send his gratitude. Those are the defining moments that reinforce what the term, “good people” is all about. I’ll never forget that.

I asked some Boston restaurant industry folks and friends to share their reflections about Josh Childs:

Aaron Butler: There are too many stories to exactly say how much Josh has had an impact on me. Still, there is one. That amazing man opened Silvertone on my 30th birthday on a Sunday just for my friends and me and bartended it the whole time with Cedric. He is selfless, thoughtful, and wants nothing but the best out of and for others. 

Seth Yaffe (GM, The Gallows): Josh Childs has always been and will forever be my hero and an inspiration when it comes to how to personify true hospitality in the restaurant industry. He is one of the best people I have ever met, and I am truly grateful to be able to call him a friend. 

Nicole Fonsh: I had to think of a quick place to take my parents before a Saturday night show in the Back Bay that also took reservations. We ended up at a non-descript but reliable chain-type spot on Newbury Street [name redacted to protect the innocent]. As my family and I approached, I thought I recognized Josh and his family sitting outside. And it was him. And I think we both felt slightly guilty to be at this particular establishment. And immediately everyone was laughing about it. I introduced my parents to him and he couldn’t have been more warm and friendly and appreciative of meeting them. Once inside, I explained to my mom and dad who exactly they had just met. “That’s the guy that made me feel like I was home at Silvertone and Trina’s, even when I go in on my own.” They were so excited to have met the man, the myth, the legend. And ever since that encounter, I don’t think there was an night where Josh was working and didn’t ask about how my parents were doing. That has always meant so very much to me. Cheers.

Domingo-Martin Barreres: Josh is the consummate professional and all around great human. A bartender of the people as well as the bartender’s bartender. A rare breed of person who exists on a level that all aspire to but few reach. There is the old saying we have all heard numerous times since childhood that states – if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing. This simple, yet seemingly impossible phrase for most to practice, speaks volumes to the character of Sir Joshua Childs. I have never, not once, heard that man utter a single disparaging word about any one or any thing.

The world can be a dark place at times but, in his presence, always shines a little brighter.

Thank you Josh for being my friend. I love you. Cheers.

Trina Sturm (Trina’s Starlite Lounge): I met Josh the way most have, sitting at his bar, being in awe if his hospitality and the way he commands his bar. We got to know each other when we started working together at the Beehive. Although both of our stints there were short, we formed a great friendship that is still strong. He and my husband, Beau Sturm became fast friends as well, and quickly formed a partnership that over the last 5 years have been lucky enough to open 3 restaurants/bars. 

I owe so much to Josh. The last 5 years have been amazing because of him and we are still going strong. Everyone knows that Josh doesn’t have to be behind the bar to be the guy running the show. His professionalism and hospitality show even when he is sitting at a bar on his night off enjoying a drink.  I’m grateful our friendship and business partnership continues, but I’ll miss having him make me a cocktail. 

Yuki: Visiting Josh & Silvertone – “The best bad idea always.”  So easy to stay late because you’re having so much fun.
On my worst days because work or life is stressing me out, Josh never fails to make me feel better.  The drinks help for sure, but it’s because he really listens, cares and puts things into perspective through advice or inspiration that really lifts my spirits.  Josh & Silvertone always feel like a safe place to be yourself.

Daren Swisher (bartender-jm Curley): Josh has an inimitable presence behind the stick, unfailingly hospitable. He works a bar with such aplomb, all the while forging a genuine rapport with each and every guest. I’ve asked myself, more times than I can count, if tending a bar will ever be so seemingly effortless for me as it is for Josh. I can only hope that someday it might be.

Karen Richey:  I first met Josh Childs on a Sunday while I was working at The Butcher Shop in 2007/08ish.  He would bring in his daughters and have lunch and many other patrons and employees would invariably stop by his table to say hello.  I had no idea who he was or what he had done for the hospitality industry in his life, I only observed him as a Dad, amusing his kids and generally being an amazing guest in the dining room.  His personality always sparkled and he had his own share of “Dad-jokes” that would usually make his older daughter roll her eyes and sigh loudly… “What does blanc-de-blanc mean, sweetie?”…”Aw, Dad, (insert SERIOUS eye-roll) it means the grapes are 100 percent Chardonnay!”

I can only hope that his example is followed as a Father and a Bartender.  What a guy.

John Nugent: My favorite memory of Josh Childs is probably and selfishly the day he hired me. It was a very casual conversation between friends and I asked if he needed anybody for the fall. He replied with “How about you start in September.” I hope I kept my cool but I was doing backflips on the inside. I always wanted to work for him and was so excited to learn from him, Cedric, and Mike, The Three Musketeers of Hospitality.

I think you can relate any positive adjective toward Josh Childs and it could be correct in my opinion. My biggest dare–Find any bartender who has worked for Josh Childs and see if they have one negative thing to say about him.

Greg Reeves (Vialé): Josh Childs is the ultimate role model that many industries/professions lack. Aside from just being good at what he does, he can be an inspiration to just do the right thing. Whether it’s opening an ice cold High Life, or stopping the music so everyone can greet you and know you walked in, he is what the world needs more of. Plain and simple. And tall and handsome.

Tom Mastricola (Café ArtScience): I met Josh when we opened Roadtrip on Canal Street, I believe it was 1994. I was a kitchen guy at that point, but was lucky enough to be a part of an opening restaurant team with an amazing staff. Barmen like Rob Zin, Cedric Adams, Patrick Lynch and Josh Childs came form West Street, which was a great bar, and other places around the area. Everyone in the house was trained by the likes of Steve Olsen, one of the best in the business. A few years later Josh opened Silvertone and I was part of No.9 opening as bar manager. We lived at Silvertone after work and days off. (I actually pulled many shifts on Monday afternoons into the evenings at the end seat of the bar). We would go to Silvertone not only because of the close proximity to No.9, but for the most part the welcome you would get from Josh and everyone there! As far as I’m concerned, he is the king of hospitality in this town and it trickles down to everyone he works with.

We would walk down those stairs after work into a little piece of heaven. 100% industry!! We played cribbage, smoked, talked about the night, met chefs, dishwashers, servers, barmen and everyone from the restaurant scene. Not to mention drinking great wine, drinks, and of course Fernet and beer! Silvertone was everybody’s place to go to feel you where a part of something normal, not just a “restaurant worker.”

Beau Sturm: I wanna tell you about the first time I walked into Silvertone, which is to say, the moment that I knew I wanted to be in the bar business as my career.

It was winter 2000 I’m pretty sure. I was a fairly new bartender/server at Joe’s on Newbury Street– hey, it payed the bills…

After a day shift on a Tuesday, I had dinner at Biba with Mike Ray (another mentor of mine) behind the stick. After dinner I asked him where I could go on a Tuesday that would have some people. He didn’t hesitate to insist that I go to Silvertone, in his words: “the coolest spot in town.” He told me it was in a basement down some alley by the Orpheum. After some alley weaving, I found it.

I walked down the steps to the sound of laughter, loud laughter. It was 11:30pm on a winter Tuesday in downtown crossing; it couldn’t be that crowded…

Well, it was PACKED! Packed with a who’s-who of the restaurant business and what seemed like every hot girl in Boston. Some kind of smooth electro-jazz was playing at the perfect level. The lighting was dim but warm. Every inch of wall-space was taken up with vintage European liquor ads & antique radios. People were having a blast! But why? The place looked really cool but how could it be this busy and fun on a freezing cold Tuesday? I quickly found out. I was one of the droves in the bar. I knew no one. I was just trying to position myself to get a beer when the tall, debonaire barkeep breaks his conversation with a couple of the aforementioned beauties, looked up and gave me a huge smile like he’d known me forever. “Hey brother, can I get you anything?” I ordered a High Life because that’s all I saw anyone drinking. Then Josh saw that I wanted to ask him something but hesitated. He asked what else he could get me and I inquired if he might have a smoke I could bum. He said, “I can do better than that. I’ll be right back.” This guy comes over with an antique cigar box filled with cigarettes! “Take as many as you need buddy”.

I was hooked.

From that moment until this very day if someone comes to visit me, or is staying downtown and asks where to go, I don’t hesitate to insist that they go to Silvertone & see my good friend, Josh Childs.

Peter Boyd: Whenever I would be talking to a young bartender or barback I would always preface things with: I don’t claim to be the best behind a bar, because I know the best bartenders. I just try to take what I’ve learned from watching (and working with) the people I look up to in this business. You should all go sit at Josh Childs’ bar on a Tuesday night. Don’t tell him why you’re there. Just have a couple beers and observe how he moves behind the bar, makes sure you have a water and interacts with strangers and regulars alike.

I always felt that no matter what was going on outside the Silvertone door, you could always count on a smile, kind greeting and a few good hours there.

If you left Boston for a few months/years, you knew there would be that constant. We will miss him behind the bar, but rest assured that the generation of people who learned from his example will be there, spread throughout this city and beyond, to get you a beverage.

Steve Riley: If I was a wordsmith I could go on for days with Josh stories. And if I had a Happy meal #4 or the 200ml of Chartreuse that sits on my desk, I would ramble on…

I first met Josh in the dark ages of Bartending in the early 90’s. Hotel dining was for fancy dinners. No 9 Park, Clio or Radius hadn’t been hatched yet. But the ideas of bigger, more adventurous places were brewing. Josh Childs, Cedric Adams and several of their friends from around the city created an All-Star team behind the bar at a short-lived, white-hot restaurant called, Road Trip. With a collection of egoless talented bartenders from across the city, the bar became an instant success, probably to the detriment of the restaurant itself because every 25 to 40 single in the city was standing in line waiting to get drinks from this talented, fun, funny group of dedicated professionals. I was a fledgling wholesale sales rep when I met Josh for the first time at Road Trip,  along with several others who have become lifelong friends. These guys were a Renaissance of Bartenders in Boston, real restaurant pros and not just a collection of students and actors on their way to greatness…

Josh and a few others of his generation helped set a very high standard of hospitality. Silvertone became a place for industry people to congregate, share ideas, successes and dreams. Lots of the places we enjoy today came from post-shift drinks with waiters, bartenders, cooks, bussers and runners–people drinking and dreaming about better, different, faster ways for us all to eat and drink. Silvertone surely is one of the places that helped incubate the Boston’s restaurant community’s inclusive and supportive nature so prevalent in our city. I believe most people in this city could agree that Tuesday Night with Josh behind the stick at Silvertone was one of the best definitions of HOSPITALITY.

Thank goodness this is just farewell to a bartending career and the end of an era that we are honoring. Here’s to many more years of sharing thoughts, dreams and drinks with our exceptional friend, Josh.

Aaron Cohen: I don’t get to the other side of the river hardly ever, so I just want to thank Josh with warm hugs for Trina’s Starlite Lounge as often as possible.

Justin Ito-Adler (GM, Nantucket Prime): When my brother came back from a year abroad, I brought him to sit with me at Silvertone. When I helped design a new bar program and we needed advice, Josh personally came out to sit with us. When I brought a group out to celebrate my mentor, Tom Mastricola’s, birthday we went to sit at Silvertone. When I wanted to leave the hospitality industry and needed inspiration, a coworker told me to go to Silvertone and sit with Josh. When I lost my job at a law office downtown and didn’t know what to do for work, I went to Silvertone and sat with Josh. When coworkers want to truly understand hospitality, I send them to Silvertone to sit with Josh. A true standup guy in the industry, there are no joys, remedies and experiences in the world of bars quite like going to Silvertone and sitting with Josh Childs. I am happy to be able to say that I had the opportunity.

David Robinson: All I want him to know is that he has all my love and respect.

Joe McGuirk (Highland Kitchen): Josh Childs is Rosa Parks. Or maybe he is Babe Ruth. Or maybe Moses. Or is he Lewis & Clark? Michael Jordan? Maybe he is a bit of all of them. I am talking about his immeasurable impact on the way people tended bar and the way people perceived bartenders. Josh moved all of us bartenders to the front of the bus. He did it with grace and dignity, like Ms Parks. And when he turned his hand to tending bar, he was Ruthian in how he changed the game. There were very good bartenders before Josh but he was a celebrity bartender before every job under the sun needed a “celebrity” version. I’m not saying Josh can part the sea but he did bring so many to a promised land and gave them a code of conduct; he taught both the industry and its patrons how to act whether it was behind the bar or sitting at it. And he did it with patience and humor. He blazed a trail for us all to follow and he did it with a smile but also with a string of incredible successes that reveal his competitive streak. I leave it to all of you to talk about what a great dad he is, what a mentoring boss he has been, and how he made you your first cosmo. I am here to say, bartenders and servers, we need to get this guy a statue, because now when we tell our friends we are working in restaurants, they don’t ask, “What else are you doing?” They will ask if we are hiring. 

Here’s to the next chapter, Josh. Thank you for the nights you masterfully held court behind the bar while respecting the people you were serving on both sides. It will be comforting to see you on the same side more often. Cheers, brother.

Permalink | Posted in Human-to-Human Service | 1 Comment »

Boorish Banker or Suspect Server?

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 09/17/2014

My first reaction was, “Another entitled, mysogynistic jerk.” And then I became wary of the credibility of the server’s story. So I reached out to the banker and the bartender for comment, and both replied. But let’s start with the events from over the weekend.

A post on the Kitchenette blog yesterday titled: Server Posts Epic Facebook Response After Customer Harasses Her, tells the story of a male customer allegedly sexually harassing a female server:

From Kitchenette: Every server who’s seen the abuse heaped on themselves and their co-workers has wanted to see a horrible customer get their just comeuppance through a public shaming. Today, our prayers have been answered, because someone did just that.

Laura Ramadei, a server and bartender in New York City, was at the end of her rope after five years’ experience in the industry and more than her share of terrible customers. So when a New York finance bro named Brian Lederman allegedly sexually harassed her, it was the last straw:

The piece linked to Laura’s facebook page where Laura described the incident in detail in a letter to the accused, Brian Lederman:

Dear Brian,

You came into the restaurant where I work and ordered a Stoli on the rocks. When I asked you and your companion if you’d be eating, or needing anything else from me, you put your hand – ever so gently – ON MY ASS and asked if you could take me “to go”.

The facebook post included a copy of the receipt including Brian’s name, a bill for $15.24, a scribble in the tip line, and a printed total of $17.24, indicating a $2 tip. If you’re not on facebook, I’ve included the full text of Laura’s post in the first comment below.

As the story started making the rounds, I reached out to Brian via Facebook DM:

Me (9/16 4:09pm): I’m publishing a piece on this. Would you like to share your side of the story? Thank you-PM (I included excerpts from Laura’s Facebook post and a link to the Kitchenette post.)

(All of Brian’s comments were cut and pasted verbatim, without edits. Perhaps they were voice-generated?)

Brian (9/16 4:11pm): You want to publish a piece of fabricated lies bet guest you will also be on my attorneys list to sue for defamation you like to publish hearsay ! You know this girl ? Does anyone know her ? It’s a shame people believe what they hear not knowing the facts

Me (9/16 4:12pm): What are the facts?

Brian (9/16 4:18pm): My story ??? There is no story I went into a bar ordered a drink I was a bout to make a joke and stopped in the middle ” the girls says what can I get you – the joke if told 1000 times is how about you to go with nothing on it ” laughing kidding in the most joking manner not insulting nothing even remotely close the fact is I didn’t even finish the joke .. And I certainly never laid a finger let alone a hand on this girl she is simply fabricating a story to gain attention and get another Jon if I did anything inappropriate why didn’t she say anything to me I signed my check with my friend and left there is not one part of her story which is factual I never said anything derogatory and sexually harassing in any shape or manner never nog in anyway it’s a complete lie and I have a friend who was with me who witness everything and nothing because nothing but two drinks were serves we were not even drunk I remember EVERY think that occurred which as normal stop in a bar for a drink paid and left where this came from is shocking to me and my friend in fact my cc is missing since I left there and I believe she stole it and probably got does not quit . The girl is a psyco that’s the facts I’ve never had anything like this happen to me before so that’s a sick story to post especially when no one knows the facts except myself and my friend

Me (9/16 4:20pm): I’m waiting for statements from you and the restaurant you interacted with her at before publishing my piece. Obviously I want to get the facts straight. That’s why I reached out.

Brian (9/16 4:23pm): If anything happened why didn’t someone say anything to me not the girl not the Resteraunt no one I got a call from someone about this is all a complete shock to me . The fact is nothing what so ever happened if I was in any way rude I would have appologized I wasn’t I’m not that type of person I’m a married man 2 children this is like a nightmare what have I done but have a drink pay and leave What’s could possibly have happened why didn’t anyone in the Resteraunt say anything why suddenly 2 days later all this garbage written its 1000% untrue that’s the faxts

Me (9/16 4:26pm): If you want to prepare a statement, I’ll include it in the story. Thank you.

Brian (9/19 12:01 am): My statement is simple . This fabricates story is a clearly premeditated plan to leave a job and attempt to get sympathy from the public by slander and defamation of my character . The girl is clearly intelligent and calculated how is it possible is I sexually harnessed her she didn’t say anything to me or her manager ? Why ? Because it NEVER happened except in her mind . I never touched her or made any advance in any inappropriate sexual manner and this girl will be deal with my attorneys and paying for her lies this I can garantee . I’ve never heard of anything like this in my life ! It’s just a shock to me and I’m honestly speechless how she can create such a story maybe it was the tip …

Brian: (9/17 12:31 am) One more thing to take into consideration about what has been written Look how much time she spent taking about herself rather then the supposed sexual Harassment she is self promoting herself rather then making such a huge deal about the fabricated story and why she quit her job . If anything like that ever happened in a bar or public place the manager would have known imm and came to the table to say some thing or she would have said something she was super nice when she handed me the bill and never insinuated any sort or inappropriate actions on my part so when did it all occur after I left ? I guess on her mind ! That’s all I can say this girl is self promoting and getting to gain sympathy to get another job or try to defame and slander me to Gain attention for herself

Me (9/17 8:28am) : Got it. I’ll be gathering facts all day and posting tonight. Why only a $2 (13.12%) tip on $15.24?

Brian (9/17 3:32pm): I didn’t pay attention I was in rush that simple . I thought I wrote 3 and now find out 2

After reaching out to Laura via Facebook DM, we exchanged emails:

Me: (9/16 4:49 pm): Hey Laura. I write a blog advocating for people in the service industry. I’m working on a blog post about the alleged incident with Brian Lederman. I have a few questions.

#1- Would the MOD working when Brian came in be willing to substantiate your story and answer some questions?

#2- Did you tell the manager that Brian put his hand on your ass?

#3- What action did the manager take? Did they confront Brian?

#4- What do you say to the people who are speculating that this is a ruse? (Your “commercial” at the end of your facebook post has raised more than a few eyebrows.)

Laura (9/16 9:48pm): I have answered your questions so as to clear up confusion. I am hoping the noise my post has created will die down soon, as things seem to have gotten out of hand, and attacks are being made that I have strongly advocated against. I hope that in reaching out to me you like wise seek to promote awareness and education, rather than malice and accusation.

[Laura's answers to #'s 1-4 above.]

#1- He was not a witness to the incident, and therefore would only be able to provide further conjecture.

#2- Yes, almost immediately after the incident, the customer asked for the check. I told my manager what happened as soon as the customer left and he took down a description of the man and his name.

#3- After conferring with the general manager, the decision was made not to allow this customer back into the establishment. He was not contacted or approached by my managers, and I never requested they do so. The organization has been very supportive of me as an employee.

#4- I posted the story to spread awareness, and to inspire friends to treat each other and their servers with kindness and consideration. The post script was a genuine call for help and advice from friends, who face similar challenges pursuing careers in the arts while making ends meet. By no means was it meant as a “commercial”. I can’t imagine that any significant career opportunities would arise out of this incident. Only support and input from friends and colleagues, which I’ve been grateful to receive.

I also sent Laura a facebook DM on 9/16 at 4:50pm stating that Brian denied touching her. In a separate email sent by Laura on 9/16 at 10:07pm, Laura responded:

Oh and to address your follow up facebook message – he did touch me. It wasn’t a “grab” or a violent act the way certain repostings or stranger shares have implied. It was subtle but clear contact. To me it felt like three fingers gently resting on my left buttcheek. I hope you understand how horribly ridiculous and uncomfortable it is to talk about the details of this, but in the interest of clarity I hope my candor is helpful. I know that he has denied the event to other publications, and to my managers, but I stand by what happened, as do my employers.

If the quotes in today’s NY Post are accurate, Brian Lederman did nothing to endear himself to anyone defending him.

Excerpts from The NY Post:

“I’ve grabbed plenty of girls’ asses in my life,” Brian H. Lederman boasted to The Post. “But I’ve never grabbed hers.”

The married moneyman went on the defensive Tuesday after server Laura Ramadei made a tell-all Facebook post saying he ogled her like a piece of meat as he fondled her derriere at Lucky Strike on Grand Street.

Lederman, a 57-year-old managing director at Swiss Performance Management & Fiduciary, angrily denied any physical contact — and threatened to sue Ramadei for defamation.

“I clearly remember making a joke when the girl said, ‘What would you like,’ ” he said. “I kiddingly said, ‘I would like you to go with nothing on it.’ ”

He said he was furious that she claimed he did more than spew sleaze.

“That f–king c–t, for her to do something like that is pretty ridiculous,” he told The Post.

He then threatened to make sure she doesn’t serve lunch in this town again.

“I will make sure she doesn’t get another job in New York City. I know everybody,” he raged. “The bar owners, the club owners — that’s a terrible thing to write about somebody.”

Ah, another rendition of the old, “Do you know who I am?” rears its ugly head. Because of his reaction alone, a few hundred thousand more people know him…

If a 57-year-old guy doesn’t know that it’s not funny to make a sexist comment to a stranger, there’s a good chance he’ll never learn. The old, “I was just kidding” excuse just doesn’t fly, especially in a case like this. It’s bad enough when servers hear the same ‘jokes’ thousands of times (“Hated it” from a customer pointing to a licked-clean plate), but personal, sexist, abusive “kidding” is unacceptable, cover-your-ass backpedaling.

Despite the hint of opportunism, I’m siding with Laura.

Permalink | Posted in Customer Hall of Shame | 3 Comments »

Boston-area Restaurant Playfully Embraces Yelper

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Confronting without Confrontation

Posted: 07/31/2014

This is too good not to share. From Eater National:

Yelpers and restaurateurs have long had a shaky relationship, but one bar in Massachusetts has come up with a clever way to fight Yelp hate. According to an Instagram postState Park, a bar in Cambridge, is poking fun at a one star review left on the site by quoting it at the bottom of their checks: “Lucy D. on Yelp says ‘Overall, a pretty lousy experience.’” Other restaurants have also gotten creative with responding to the antics of Yelpers: One restaurant in Portland fired back at a sexist joke left on their Yelp page by turning it into a fundraiser to benefit victims of domestic violence. In New Mexico, a food truck bit back at a one star review with a genius song featuring a ukulele.

See receipt on Instagram here.

Love it.

Permalink | Posted in Confronting without Confrontation | 1 Comment »