Server Not Servant

Twitter Tit for Tat on Tipping Etiquette 2018

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 08/12/2018

I shy away from redundant posts about tipping here and on the Server Not Servant facebook page because tipping is not the primary focus of this project. However, we haven’t discussed tipping etiquette in a long time, and Christopher Muther, travel writer for the Boston Globe, wrote a “Help Desk” piece on 7/31/18 that was spot on.

The piece, ‘If they touch it, you tip it’: The definitive guide to tipping while traveling, included some recommendations for tipping concierges:

There are general tipping guidelines for all US travel services, but, according to etiquette expert Elaine Swann, if a concierge secures you an otherwise impossible show ticket, or a restaurant reservation in an eatery that is fully booked, consider going higher. Swann said consider at least $20 depending on the scale of the task. Ditto for others who transform your trips from exasperating to extraordinary.

And at the end of the piece:

With the help of etiquette experts, the American Society of Travel Agents, and the American Hotel & Lodging Association, we’ve assembled a handy guide for tipping while traveling in the United States. Remember to do your research before traveling overseas.

Who and how much to tip:

• Concierge

Tip from $5 to $10 depending on how involved the request, or a lump sum upon departure. Consider tipping higher if the concierge has gone above and beyond to procure something special. No tip is necessary for directions or an answer to a simple question.

The Boston Globe writer, Christopher Muther tweeted a link to the piece w/the message, “Ever wonder how much to tip the chamber maid? The hotel concierge? Wonder no longer! Here’s your guide to tipping while traveling.”

A Twitter Guy (TG) responded, “1) You didn’t touch upon the pervasive negative aspects of the American tipping culture. 2) You perpetuated the ridiculous idea that people (concierges) ALREADY paid generously to literally sit on their ass & provide help to paying hotel guests should be tipped. Seriously?!”

Christopher: “Hi, TG. I agree there are issues with American tipping, however this article is intended to inform people of how to tip while traveling rather than diving into the politics of tipping culture. That is definitely an entirely different story. This story is the opinion of experts.”

TG: “Christopher, that’s definitely a fair point, and thank you for at least consulting other experts vs. self-interested groups like the restaurant association, concierge assoc., etc. I hope you’ll cover the other story as well.”

Patrick Maguire (PM) response to TG’s original tweet about concierges, “What a sweeping, negative generalization about concierges. And I believe the article did an excellent job of acknowledging many issues that require a deeper dive, like tipping in America.”

TG: “Patrick, I’d welcome your thoughts on why concierges should get tips for doing their job. Do they make at least minimum wage? Also, please explain why flight attendants, teachers, bus drivers, nurses shouldn’t be similarly tipped for their work.”

PM: (in 10 tweets): “The best concierges I have spoken with while researching my #ServerNotServant blog/book project don’t expect tips because many of them are paid well over minimum wage. However, many seasoned concierges have cultivated a network over a lifetime allowing them to tap into their resources to provide the best restaurants, reservations, recommendations, tickets, tours, guides, events, and services their city/town has to offer. Folks who voluntarily tip a concierge realize that they are leveraging the goodwill that excellent concierges have cultivated. 

I believe that savvy travelers recognize that an experienced concierge can save them a lot of time, effort, and energy, and deliver results that exceed what they might have been able to produce themselves. They choose to show their appreciate via tip because of the access a concierge provides them to vendors in their city, the US, and around the world that they might not have via their own network. And I believe that the article and advice is accurate in that it states at the outset that “Tipping is completely voluntary,” and then proceeds to explain that the “guide for tipping” is a result of consultation from multiple sources.

What was recommended 4 concierges in the article, strikes me as well traveled, common sense, common decency, spot on advice. The only real “social contract” around tipping in America is for folks who are paid a tipped minimum wage, as I’m sure you are aware. That doesn’t preclude us from demonstrating our gratitude w/cash when hospitality, empathy, compassion, anticipation or reaction strike us as timely +/or exceptional, especially if we’re a little flush with cash after cashing a check or getting paid. And that can include flight attendants, bus drivers, teachers, or nurses. Some circumstances and employers may not allow cash and a little creativity in the form of gift certificates or gifts might be more appropriate.

I remember bagging groceries on hot, humid days like today (8/6) in Boston at DeMoulas in Billerica, MA in the 70’s and pushing/pulling 2 overflowing carts to a customer’s car, and carefully loading up the car. A buck or 2 was always greatly appreciated, but you learn not to expect it. That’s often what makes giving gratifying, when folks don’t expect it. Most service industry workers I’ve spoken with aren’t even looking for anything ‘extra,’ they just want everyone to be decent, kind people, and to be respectful. Thanks for asking. I initially jumped in because I disagree with your outrage at the article ‘perpetuating’ the notion of tipping concierges for ‘sitting on their asses.’ Obviously, in many instances, they’re doing a lot more than that, and it’s ok to show our gratitude if we choose. Cheers.”

TG: “Thanks, Patrick, for offering a thoughtful and detailed rebuttal to my admittedly snarky take. I do think our different take on this may be irreconcilable, however, due to opposing philosophies. You feel that showing appreciation for high effort/high expertise is appropriate in monetary compensation. I feel that this ironically cheapens and debases human interactions, and that gratefulness expressed in other ways is more noble and across industries, more fair.

PM: “Please elaborate on expressing gratitude in other, “more noble” ways than “debasing human interactions” with monetary compensation. I’m all for seeking someone out to thank them, talking to their boss, and/or writing a letter or review singling out their ‘high effort.’ I also believe that there’s nothing wrong with the gesture of cash, gift, or gift certificate in the examples I mentioned regarding concierges, teachers, flight attendants, + nurses. My hunch is that the service industry folks wouldn’t feel demeaned. 2 more hypotheticals–If a consumer receives multiple packages a week from online orders and their USPS delivery person does a great job placing the packages exactly where they want them, is it demeaning to give them a card and cash or a gift occasionally or at year end? If you clean your house and leave an unusually huge pile of trash on the curb on pick-up day, is it demeaning to offer the trash crew some cold cash on a hot day? Bonus, if you freak out about going to the dentist (raises hand), and your hygienist uses novocaine and/or topical anesthetics, is it demeaning to give them a card with a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant or retail store at the end of the year? My gut says that if presented properly, most service industry folks would not be offended at a kind gesture that includes compensation.

TG: “I perceive the act of giving money to someone for doing their job inherently a power play, a way of saying, ‘Here, peasant, have a few coins from me, a person in a position of power over you.'”

PM: ” It’s not when a customer in America adheres to the unwritten, but well known social contract of tipping when compensating workers who are paid a tipped minimum wage, like bartenders + servers. In my opinion, it’s a lame ‘power play’ to say, “I don’t (have to) tip,” a la Mr. Pink.”

TG: ” Have you spent time in Japan? It’s so enormously refreshing going out to dinner there. Customers get wonderful service and, in turn, seem to typically show high respect to their servers. No tipping.

PM: “No, but I’ve spent time in Australia where the custom is not as ‘rigid’ as Japan. Australia reminds me of the “tipping included” restaurants in America that have a line on the receipt to include a tip on top of the ‘total,’ similar to Uber and Lyft.”

TG: “I do prefer the AU method to the US method; at least waitstaff are paid a decent base wage there, and tipping isn’t essentially *required*.

TG: “Read up on the sad history of tipping. Read the research on how it exacerbates sexism, discrimination (hint: white women with big breasts make hugely more in tips that short Hispanic guys, and undoubtedly get sexually harassed a lot more, too.)”

PM: “I’ve been living and/or ‘reading up’ and studying tipping for more than 40 years. A lot of the sources of the cherry-picked data + studies regarding the origin of tipping + commingling w/sexual harrassment need to be scrutinized very carefully. More here: https://bit.ly/2ALGbIo”

TG: “Regarding questions about the sexual harassment link…thanks for sharing that page.”

TG: “Also, in real life, nurses do not get tips and (from what my nurse friends tell me, almost never get gifts. My dad–repeatedly Teacher of the Year–probably got an average of 1 gift a year, if that. So tipping is inherently unfair occupationally as well.”

PM: “Thanks for the ‘real life’ lesson. I never said nurses get tipped. And as far as gifts, speak to more nurses, especially those in Oncology or Geriatrics. My father + 6 siblings taught school for a living. Their experiences of gratitude from parents differ from those of your dad.” 

TG: “Lastly, re: delightful surprises… I’m all for it! I gave a big gift card to a server in Singapore once because she was so astoundingly awesome to me. But that’s the opposite of the 20% tip, or “you should give $10 or more to your concierge when…” guidance. PS-You are awesome for doing things like putting in a good word to someone’s boss or writing a letter, review. I am 110% with you on such gestures! I need to do this more myself; I think it’s a powerful gesture and selfishly it makes me feel happy, too :-)”

PM: “I’m with you about letting workers (and their bosses) know when they do a great job. It’s not that hard, feels good, and often takes a lot less effort than the energy that some people expend to complain. Unfortunately, some people aren’t ‘happy’ unless they’re miserable…”

TG: “By the way, I *do* tip generously in restaurants, historically because of the tipped minimum wage, but now out of social pressure in non-tipped-min-wage states :p. And lastly, I’m glad we can both agree re: the awesomeness of unexpected kind gestures to recognize outstanding service… and I think a reasonable consensus on top of that might be that we both hope for a day when no one DEPENDS on tips for their livelihood :-).

PM: “I do hope that, and I thought that Danny Meyer’s ‘hospitality included’ at USHG in NYC was going to add momentum to that movement. The early ‘mixed’/troubling results indicate that American workers, consumers, and culture just aren’t ready for full adaptation of that method. And lastly, like stories, some blog posts ‘write themselves.’ I’ve enjoyed the repartee and have screenshots of every tweet. In the blog post, do you prefer your full name w/link to your twitter or anonymity with a code name? I won’t use ‘Mr. Pink’…” 😉

TG: “Hey, Patrick, it’s been a pleasure…I prefer my tweets not live forever, …at least not with my name on ’em. So if you’d be willing to anonymize them, that would be awesome; thanks! 🙂

It was refreshing to have a ‘conversation’ on social media that included disagreements and testy exchanges result in civil discourse rather than devolve into vitriolic rage followed by blocking each other. Thank you, Twitter Guy.

PS: “Twitter Guy” did apologize for painting all concierges with one brush. That’s the only tweet I didn’t take a screenshot of.

If you are interested in supporting the Server Not Servant blog and helping to bring the book project to fruition, please see the blue box on the right hand side of this blog post to make a contribution. Just don’t call it a tip… Thank you for your consideration. And please join in the conversation in the comments below, and share this post on social media if the spirit moves you. Cheers-PM

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