Server Not Servant

Hospitality Therapy-Screaming into the darkness, like a wolf on a moonlit mountain. #ServerNotServant

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 7/22/2017

This is priceless.

I’ve spoken with several hospitality industry professionals (many clients) who have adopted a policy of refusing to engage publicly or privately with amateur reviewers. The general philosophy is that they’re never going to please everyone, and they don’t want to waste valuable time interacting with a small minority when they’re slammed running their business. I get it, and I respect that position.

However, there are some business owners and managers who selectively engage and seize an opportunity in a cathartic, epic manor to defend their business and their people. It’s marketing brilliance when done properly.

Case in point:

Written by Tony Cuddihy, and reposted with permission from JOE.ie:

This, dear friends, is how you defend your business and the people you work with. This Doolin hotel manager is our hero.

When Donal Minihane, the General Manager of Hotel Doolin in County Clare, came across a poor review on TripAdvisor he decided to write one of the best responses we’ve ever come across.

A user called Lovnhawaii posted some quite derogatory comments about the hotel – giving out about everything from the receptionist to the Wi-Fi to the ‘grumpy ole men’ working in the hotel – which you can read here.

Anyone familiar with Hotel Doolin will know that the person in question was talking out of their arse, so Donal decided to defend Hotel Doolin in the best way possible.

This is what he wrote back:

Dear LovnHawaii:

Thank you for staying with us at Hotel Doolin on your recent trip to Ireland and for posting your feedback. We were very disappointed with the content of your review. However, after investigating the particulars of your stay in detail with all team members I was even more disappointed to learn that the content of the review was not an accurate reflection of what actually happened.

From the title of your review, other readers would think that you inadvertently stumbled into Hitchcock’s Jamaica Inn and that Hotel Doolin was full of brigands and cutthroats, that our staff wear eye patches and pantaloons and are hiding behind the pillars in the lobby, cutlass clenched between our teeth, waiting to jump out and pillage passerbys.

You say the hotel is deceitful and dishonest and that one of our staff members, Emma, is a liar when, in fact, it is your good self that is being liberal with the truth. Emma did make a mistake on check-in with the rate, this was spotted the following morning by one of our more senior receptionists and was rectified before you checked out so that you never paid €240 as you stated above.

 Also, the duty manager met you the following morning, apologised for the mistake and gave you a further reduction on your rate. We are 100% certain that Emma made a genuine mistake, as sometimes people do, and we feel it is very unfair and irresponsible of you to call her a liar and dishonest on a public forum.

I’m sensing a lot of anger in the review above and I know that you probably didn’t mean to let loose all that anger on us. Hey, sometimes people just need to vent. Sometimes at night when I come home from a long day’s work at the hotel, I check to see if everyone is in bed and then I go out into the field at the back of my house and scream into the darkness. I let it all out, like a wolf on a moonlit mountain.

I feel better after that and nobody gets hurt. I’m not saying howling into the night like a wolf will work for you, I don’t know your circumstances, you may have neighbours that’ll think it is weird, but there are other ways of channelling rage that don’t have to involve Hotel Doolin and slandering Emma.

With regards the Wi-Fi, yes, the Wi-Fi in the west of Ireland is the worst in Europe, there is nothing we can do about this for the moment, although I think we are getting high-speed broadband in the area pretty soon. in the meantime, to anybody else reading this review. DO NOT COME TO DOOLIN IF WI-FI IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN HUMAN INTERACTION, YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.

There are three men over the age of forty working in the hotel. Only one of them was working on the night you stayed, so we didn’t know how to deal with the ‘grumpy old men’ in your review, until my assistant manager came up with the only viable solution.

 We’ve decided to execute all three of these men to ensure that no other guests will have to endure the horrific ordeal you went through that evening in the bar.

Paul, Martin and Luis will be blindfolded and shot in the back of the head at Fitz’s cross after mass this Sunday. There will be trad music, cocktail sausages and face-painting for the kids and I can organise a pair of complimentary tickets for you if you wish to attend. I know this will not make up for what happened to you but we hope it will go some way towards showing you that we take your feedback seriously.

You see, even though you hurt us deeply with your review, we’d still like to be friends, we’d love if you afforded us the opportunity to change your opinion of us and hope that you will return to Doolin someday.

In fact, each year on the 30th February we have a party for our valued past customers who think we are liars, we all hold hands and dance around a campfire and sing songs that help us forget about the past and look with hope towards the future. We’d love if you could make it (that lying cheating ruffian Emma won’t be there, we promise).

Ends

JOE would like to thank Donal for giving us his permission to share his response, and Aaron Stone McHale for bringing our attention to it in the first place.

[Thanks to Darren Tully, living in Dublin, Ireland for bringing this to my attention. –Patrick Maguire]

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“Can’t You Read the Sign?” #Humans #LookUp

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Rules of Engagement

Posted: 7/9/2017

The Five Man Electrical Band 1971:

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

Blockin’ out the scenery, breakin’ my mind

Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?

Apparently, not.

I recently entered Staples and was greeted by this 20″ x 30″ sign immediately upon entering:

 

After walking around the sign, I heard some commotion at the check out line about 20 feet away. Following a minor ruckus, a customer loudly stated, “You should have a sign!,” and stormed out. [Of course I had to get the scoop from the cashier.] She told me that the customer presented a credit card to pay, she apologized, and informed him that their POS was down and for the time being, they could only accept cash. After pleading his case, to no avail, the customer kicked a cardboard display of tape, dropped his verbal parting shot about the need for a sign, and left. And yes, I confirmed that the sign was in place when he entered the store…

There’s no mystery as to why many online sites have shut down comments following their stories. Many lazy, caustic people spew their vitriolic comments based on the headline alone, without reading the article. Despite the fact that ‘Reading is Fundamental,’ we have some serious fundamental problems when it comes to internet etiquette, especially the content of comments. According to RIF, “43% percent of American adults are functionally illiterate.” Many people are more interested in invoking their established ‘worldview’ than engaging in a meaningful, enlightening conversation where they might learn something.

In the spring, Norway’s public broadcaster (NRK) implemented a novel approach in an attempt to mitigate the online debauchery. From TNW:

Comment sections on the internet can be a cesspool of human misery and rarely lead to fruitful conversations. Many news sites have given up on regulating comment sections and simply gotten rid of them, but Norway’s public broadcaster (NRK) has tried to find new ways to elevate the level of discussion in comments.

Nieman Lab reported that NRKbeta, the tech arm of NRK, has introduced a quiz that makes sure that people have read the article before commenting on it. People are required to answer three fairly easy multiple-choice questions about the topic and if they pass they are allowed to comment.

Perhaps comment sections will be able to shake their cesspool-image in the future. Forcing people to actually read what they are ranting about provides a glimmer of hope for a more informed discussion online.

Amen.

My go-to, neighborhood greasy spoon, the Busy Bee has been cash-only for decades. Despite a small sign in the front window, every day, on multiple occasions, customers pull out plastic to pay and the staff explains that they are cash-only. Tired of explaining why, and where the nearest ATM was, they posted this sign on the front door:

Nothing has changed. Every single day I go to the diner I see someone try to pay with plastic. ‘No one’ reads anything or follows instructions. If you doubt it, ask a bartender or server about their interactions with customers. No matter how detailed you explain something, customers often reply in a nonsensical way, oblivious of what was just communicated to them.

Server: “We only have A and B?”

Customer: “We can’t get C?”

No! No you can’t!! C is NOT A or B!!!!!

Bartender hands beer list to guest. “We’ve got 30 beers on tap on the front of the list, and 80 bottles and cans on the back. I’ll give you a few moments to take a look, unless you’re looking for something specific and I can help guide you?”

Customer: “Can you just tell me what you have for beers?”

And then this happened recently:

Nice example for our people. Let’s not even go there for now…

Lastly, while contemplating the fate of humans who never read anything, I happened upon this sign after working an event in the Seaport in Boston recently:

I wouldn’t have been shocked to hear that the customer from Staples ‘met his maker’ on these tracks…

If you work in a service industry interacting with humans for a living, please share your stories ( join the therapy session) in the comments below. Thank you.

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Restaurant Owner and Teenage Daughter Beaten by Grown ‘Man’ and ‘Woman’ Customers.

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 6/25/2017

Subhuman. According to Merriam Webster, “subhuman” is defined as “less than human: such as (a) failing to attain the level (as of morality or intelligence) associated with normal human beings.” There aren’t too many other ways to describe the despicable couple who wantonly attacked a Qwik Chik restaurant owner and her 15-yr-old daughter in Baxley, Georgia on Thursday, 6/22, according to ABC WJCJ22. As the disturbing video within the piece by reporter, Tori Simkovic proves, the female customer physically attacks and beats the restaurant owner, then her husband sucker punches the owner’s 15-year-old daughter in the face on the way to fleeing the scene. The teenager easily could have died of a punch from the ‘man’ almost twice her size, especially if she hit her head after the horrific blow. Miraculously, she jumped up immediately to come to the aid of her mom who suffered a broken nose during the beating.

According to this piece filed by Vince Cestone of KRONE 4 TV:

The owner of a Qwik Chick restaurant … says the incident happened Thursday. A couple went to her stand and complained about their food being cold. After a few minutes back and forth, the owner says she refunded their money, but then she says the couple went crazy. They started cussing and beating down the window. The owner went outside to tell them police were on the way when the woman started punching and slapping her in the face. That’s when her daughter got out of the truck to help, and the husband punched the teen right in the face.

“The camera surveillance footage that we put out tells it all. That’s just brutality,” Baxley Police Chief James Godfrey said.

In the WTOC report: “I’ve been here, what, 41 years – 30 of them as chief. I have never seen anything like this. I’ve never heard of anything like this,” said Chief James Godfrey.

From the WJCJ22 piece: Mom/Restaurant owner, “When you see your child hit, by some grown man and she’s only 15, nobody deserves that.” The owner said that the customers came to the restaurant often, but had recently started becoming agitated in recent visits. This attack has made her question if she wants to continue working in the restaurant business. “Do I want to put myself, my employees, or my child at risk just over food? That’s so stupid. So senseless.”

When I spoke with the owner of the restaurant on Saturday afternoon (6/24) just before 4pm, police had not made any arrests, but were following several leads. The owner acknowledged receipt of my PM to the Qwik Chik facebook page, and I agreed to email her the same messages I posted there to make it easier for her to reply.

PM (Patrick Maguire): Reporter, Tori Simkovic from WJCL22 stated in her piece that the attackers came into the restaurant often, “but had started becoming agitated in recent visits.” Is that true?

Owner: Yes, they were irritated for the lat 5 or 6 visits, per my employees.

PM: And if yes, why were they agitated?

Owner: One example was ordering a large drink and then hollering at them when my employee brought the drinks back saying that they said they wanted a jumbo. Stuff like that…

PM: Did you say or do anything to upset them?

Owner: They said that the chicken was cold which it was not. It wasn’t right out of the grease hot, but certainly not cold. They were already irritated by the time I stepped in. I know they had already irritated my employee.

PM: In retrospect, would you have handled your previous interactions with them any differently?

Owner: Not really because there was no reasoning with them.

PM: Would you have handled your interaction with them the day of the incident any differently?

Owner: Probably not.

PM: Why is the video dated 2010?

Owner: Because our business had recently been hit by lightening and had some of the equipment replaced and the tech forgot to set the time and date. I had noticed the time was off, but had not looked at the date.

Ironically, this picture from 10/9/15, is one of the few pics on the Qwik Chik facebook page:

The caption under the pic from the owner of Qwik Chick reads, “You never know what someone is going thru. We deal with this everyday and try our best to be nice. Sometimes it’s better to just walk away and not be ugly!!!” Amen.

Based on my research of the restaurant (reviews, social media, Google search) and conversation with the owner, I cannot envision a scenario where the owner and her daughter deserved anything close to the brutal assaults they endured.

I left the following PM on the dormant facebook page of the male attacker:

I am writing a blog post about your attack on the owner of Qwik Chik and her daughter. Contact me if you’d like to make a statement. [No response as of 1:33pm on 6/25/17.]

When I called the Baxley, GA police dept (912-367-8305) at 1:11pm on Sunday, outgoing VM indicated “office hours” are M-F 8am-5pm. I suppose one could call 911 if they had a hot lead on the thug/attackers…

Please watch the video before commenting below. And if you don’t want to feel worse about ‘humanity’ and the world we live in than you do after watching the video, don’t read the comments following the related stories and social media posts. It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World…

Updates will be noted here as they are received.

6/26/17 9am: I received a call from the Baxley PD. They’re following several leads, but no arrests yet.

7/4/17 approx. 12:30pm. Facebook message from Qwk Chik owner:

Hello everyone. Just wanted to take a moment and tell you that you have no ideal how much your phone calls, messages, cards, gifts, donations and encouraging words have meant to me and my family. You would never think that something like this would happen in our town but it did and it’s getting worse all over the world. It is nice to live in a little town where everyone steps up and helps anyone in need. Again Thank You for everything. Please keep your eyes open for these two so we can get them where they belong. Happy Fourth of July and God bless our nation and keep us safe.

July 5th. Attackers surrender.

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100 Days of Trump-The Unabashed Era of Arrogance and Ignorance in America

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 4/30/2017

The lack of grace, humility, and class are stunning. We knew he was a narcissist, but the true colors revealed in Donald Trump’s first 100 days as President of the United States are truly disgraceful. And just when many of us thought we couldn’t sink much lower during The Era of Ignorance in America, ‘Trumpers’ who elected him doubled down. According to a recent piece in the Washington Post:

There are no signs of major slippage in support among those who voted for Trump. His approval rating among those who cast ballots for him stands at 94 percent. Among Republicans, it is 84 percent. Asked of those who voted for him whether they regret doing so, 2 percent say they do, while 96 percent say supporting Trump was the right thing to do. When asked if they would vote for him again, 96 percent say they would,…

 Hate is still winning, and we’re still far from “smarter than this,” as many optimistic Americans wanted to believe following the election.

The  ABC/Washington Post poll sample size is small (1,004 adults), but even if we triple the margin of error (+/- 3.5%), and use 10.5%, then 85.5% of Trump voters surveyed said voting for him was the right thing to do, still an overwhelming majority.  Consistent with their demagogue, Trumpers can’t admit they made one of the worst mistakes in American history. Despite all of his disgraceful words and actions, has Trump ever put forth a sincere, contrite apology? I don’t believe he has the capacity to, and that lack of humility is one of the most loathsome flaws in his character. It often takes time, but arrogance, hubris, and/or elitism are often what topple the once ‘mighty.’ As I’ve said before, my gut still says he’ll never last. Despite his cunning and manipulative ways, I believe he’s too dirty and incompetent to survive a full term.

On April 28th, Robert Reich posted the following on facebook:

In his weekly address today, Trump touted the accomplishments of his first 100 days in office: “My fellow Americans, I truly believe that the first 100 days of my administration has been just about the most successful in our country’s history. Our country is going up, and it’s going up fast.” [One can only hope not literally ‘up’ in smoke. -P Maguire]

Reich: If Trump sincerely believes what he’s saying, he’s delusional. If he’s in touch with reality, he’s a bald-faced liar.

Whether it’s pathological or not may be up for debate, but there is no dispute when it comes to the fact that Trump is, at the very least, a habitual liar whose supporters are willing to defend him at all cost. ‘Self preservation’ of ideals is a strong, often blind, motivator. I had the following exchange on 4/28 with a Trumper discussing Trump’s first 100 days on facebook:

Trumper: Funny……I think he’s doing great!!

Me: (Trumper), surely you jest?!? If not, 3 questions:

#1– After seeing Trump’s true colors over the last 100 days, when it comes to intelligence, research, preparedness, example, social skills, business acumen, savvy, intuition, focus, and integrity, are you proud the he is the leader of our country and representing us on the world stage?

#2– What specifically has he done to improve your life and/or the lives of your loved ones?

#3– At the core, do you believe he’s a good and decent human being? Caveat, your responses cannot include references to Hillary or Obama. Thank you.

Trumper: I have no response to your rebellion of our president!!! My answer…. He is doing everything he needs to do….

Me: No response could also be called “willfully ignorant.” “I’m done learning and blindly supporting my demagogue, no matter what.” More than 900 people in ‘Jonestown,’ Guyana worshipped their leader in a similar, naive fashion and died. Trump is a manipulative, narcissistic, maniacal, incompetent, unhinged and extremely dangerous human, using/preying on people unwilling to see him for who and what he is. Not surprisingly, his supporters can’t even admit they fucked up by electing him. I can’t recall a time when their deity ever issued a contrite apology, even after bragging that his wealth entitled him to sexually assault a married woman by grabbing her by the vagina. That blind faith in a ‘leader’ like that is beyond frightening. We are living in an Era of Ignorance in America, and if people don’t wake the fuck up and resist this scumbag and his regime at every turn, he will destroy us. His first 100 days mark one of the worst stretches (by comparison) in the history of our country.

Sometimes I wonder if ‘resisters’ (me included) are guilty of the same thing we accuse Trumpers of, lack of critical thinking and insulating ourselves with like-minded opinions. After all, a common refrain from the 96% (Trumpers) when accused of being uneducated or ‘willfully ignorant’ is that we’re being condescending and elitist. The irony here is that their teflon hero is the king of arrogance, elitism, and entitlement. And the facts are the facts whether you want to learn them or not before formulating an opinion. Ad-hominem attacks and avoidance are knee-jerk, protectionist responses from people unwilling to support their ‘worldview’ with research, facts, and sound, intelligent reasoning. (I know, “Damn elitist.”)

Renée Graham of the Boston Globe concluded in her opinion piece on 4/28/17:

On Saturday, his 100th day in office, he’ll host yet another rally, this one in Harrisburg, Penn. He’ll bask in the anxious love of supporters who know that recognizing his failure as president is to admit their mistake in voting for him, and they won’t do that. For Trump and his true believers, it is a perverse delusion that blind adoration will be enough to stave off the botched policy decisions, mounting calls for impeachment, and the unshakable reality of a hapless, toxic presidency in free fall.

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The Economics of Restaurant Survival in a World Where “Everyone’s a Critic.”

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Confronting without Confrontation

Posted: 3/29/2017

John Howie, chef/owner of Beardslee Public House restaurant in Bothell, WA, wisely exercised restraint and took the high road with an excellent, professional response after an amateur ‘reviewer’ scolded him about his prices being too high, and claimed that his ‘high’ prices demonstrated disregard for his community. As current and former (myself included) restaurant owners know, operating most restaurants is a very hard, high-risk, low-margin way to make a living. Most customers have no idea how hard, and aren’t aware of the perpetual stress and grind involved. The insightful content within John Howie’s response sheds some light on the economics of surviving. More restaurants than you know are a couple of bad months or a mildly catastrophic event away from closing.

After reading John Howie’s response, I posted it in my Server Not Servant Facebook group and reached out to John requesting permission to reprint his blog post here. I also asked him a few follow-up questions that I’ll address at the end of this post.

Reprinted with permission from John’s blog:

Below is a review we recently received for Beardslee Public House, our Northwest-inspired, family friendly eatery and brewery. I removed the guest’s name as I am not out to shame anyone.

“First of all, I use to love this place. I’m sitting here at Beardslee now disgusted with their current price hike. I have one question for the owner, do you want to alienate your faithful customers that come here 2-3 times a week? Charging 14 dollars for a basic burger and fries is crazy. Especially when you are located right by 2 colleges and TONS of student’s come here to eat. Congratulations, after today I will never come back. Your disregard for your community and clients in an effort to make a buck because you are now popular won’t fly…… I’m 100 percent sure that others will take my stance…. based on your food and beer items that are overpriced. Yes, you just alienated your college based customers.”

I personally wrote back to our guest and my response is below:

I’m sorry you feel this way. I’m also concerned that you attacked me by stating that I had no regard for my community or clients in an effort to make a buck. I have yet to make a buck on the Beardslee Public House, I hope to someday be able to repay myself for all of the expenses to open a restaurant like the Beardslee Public House. But I do have a question for you … what is a fair profit for an owner of an establishment like Beardslee Public House? 15%, 10%, 5%?

In the time that we have been open, we have been able to pay back about $350,000 so far. We just looked at our business pro forma for 2017, and we were projected to make $80,000 on $4,500,000 in sales, that’s less than a 2% margin. Cash flow would have been a negative $150,000-$160,000 just to cover the debt payments of $260,000 a year.

We have approximately 25 people a day working around 6 hours each making minimum wage and tips. That’s 150 a day or 1050 hours a week. In 2017 we were required by law to increase minimum wage to $11.00 an hour up $1.51 over the 2016 set rate, that is approximately $1585.00 in additional wages every week, times 52 weeks, that is $82,000+ a year, add on 25% for payroll taxes, medical insurance, FETA, FICA, state industrial insurance and federal and state unemployment insurance and now it is $103,000+. Now add the other employees who want raises because all of the minimum wage employees got raises. Now add on all of the increased costs for food, beverage ingredients, and other increased costs because all businesses are dealing with the same problem, and you can start to see how this adds up.

People don’t realize how difficult it is to make a dollar in the restaurant industry; they just look at the food cost and think they could do it for less.

Take this into consideration … we pay approximately $1,260,000 in product costs. $600,000 a year in rent, $450,000 a year for management wages, managers, brewers, chefs, and none of that goes to ownership. A grand total of approximately $2,025,000 in all wages including the taxes and benefits. $130,000 a year in promotional costs, $50,000 a year for Repair & Maintenance, $150,00 a year in water, sewer, gas and electric costs, $36,000 a year in business insurance, point of sale costs, 3% or around $135,000 a year to the credit card company, janitorial costs of $50,000 a year, cleaning supplies $26,000 a year, dishes and utensils $25,000, we discount or give away food to employees worth over $60,000 a year, this as you can see can add up … and I have not even listed the other 25-30 cost accounts, paper supplies, dues and subscriptions, dish washing machines and supplies, city business taxes, state business licenses, health department licenses, federal alcohol production taxes, light bulbs, point of sale system, management information system costs, software, hardware, menu covers, menu paper, copier, copier paper, office supplies, business cards, delivery van, delivery van gas, and there is so much more that I can’t even think of it all right now.

I do take exception to your comment about disregarding my community. I’m sure you are unaware of the information I’m about to provide you…If you are a student nearby then you probably remember the massive fire which destroyed much of downtown Bothell last year. We were among the first to bring much needed supplies to the first responders, the following Monday we gave all of our after-cost proceeds to the Cozy Corner Café owner, who lost her business that day. Beyond that, we have supported Bothell schools, sports teams and many other community projects. Last year we provided over 800 gift certificates to different charitable organizations throughout our area.

This is not the greedy owner trying to fleece the college student … it is a legitimate business that employs 92 people in the Bothell community, pays its employees well, and pays all of its taxes, values its guests, the guests that value good service and good food. We use USDA Prime for our regular burgers; no one else uses USDA Prime for burgers. We bake our own buns, we make almost everything we do in-house from scratch, that takes time and effort, and we do pay our crewmembers a fair and living wage.

If my goal was to fleece anyone, my restaurants would never survive…it’s my hope that I’m able to provide people a great place to work, a great place to enjoy their friends and family, and a great place that supports its community.

But, There is a cost to doing all of these things and that cost is an additional $1.00 on our burgers and $.50 on a pint of beer. If that is too much to pay, then I’m sorry, and we will miss you. But I think most people will realize that this is a cost of doing business the right way at a high level and will be willing to support a living wage in Washington State by supporting those who chose to do business in this state.

Sincerely,

Chef John Howie

I asked John if the amateur reviewer replied.

John: The person has not responded to my response of their post, depending on how often they check their Google Reviews, they may not see it for a while. The good news is we have not had any other complaints from fellow students at this time.

[Update: The review has been removed, but John’s response to the reviewer remains as of 9pm on 3/29/17. I’m following John’s lead and not shaming the ‘reviewer.’]

I also asked John if there was anything else that he wanted me to share in this blog post that he would like the public to know.

John: I love what I do. I love the people who chose to work with me. I value them not only as co-workers, but as people. I love what my business has allowed me to do for my community. I hope to be able to continue doing what I love and providing for those who are less fortunate.

Tweet from John Howie (@ChefJohnHowie) at 8:43 pm on 3/29/17: Thank you to all of you who have responded to my blog, your comments and support have been incredible. I think I may have touched a nerve!

You sure have, John. Good luck to you and everyone else in the industry grinding it out every day. And let the voices of the positive, thoughtful, respectful amateur ‘reviewers’ drown out the anonymous keyboard cowards. Cheers.

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