Enjoy Your Dinner, Dammit!!!

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Rules of Engagement

Posted: 4/11/2013

My blog posting sabbatical is over. Lots more to follow soon.

I posted something similar to the following on Yelp Talk Boston yesterday:

I cringe when restaurateurs say, “I hate Yelp,” but I get it. They really hate the members of the community who don’t take their responsibility seriously. Yelpers who are uninformed and unfair give the powerful medium a bad name. Many posters exaggerate, embellish and lie, with no regard for their impact on the livelihoods of hard-working people. And unfortunately, the administration and moderation of many amateur sites, especially Yelp, is inept at weeding out the garbage.

The ubiquitous Boston restaurant critic, and Yelp regular, Mc Slim Jb, recently published the attached blog post aimed at errant posters on amateur review sites.

11 Reasons Your Yelp Reviews Suck, and 11 Things You Can Do About It.

[Yes, it’s long, but please read the entire piece before joining the conversation below. It’s great commentary.]

My favorite quote from Mc Slim’s post is included on his list of, “Common problems with amateur reviews,” where the reviewer:

“Betrays a lack of human empathy, often expressed by a condescending tone toward the staff. The reviewer doesn’t appear to have ever considered what it would be like to have strangers rating him on his annual job performance based on a single 90-minute meeting.” Touché.

Unless we continue to initiate, support, and contribute to these conversations, the proliferation of cowardly and irresponsible amateur reviews will continue. It’s worth the fight.

There are some thoughtful comments in response to Mc Slim’s piece on a separate Chowhound thread.

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In related amateur restaurant reviewer news, I came across a comical post in the Chowhound “Not About Food” category.

The Chowhound poster, ‘Tiamat’, decries the use of, ‘Enjoy!’, when a server delivers a dish. Here’s an excerpt:

“Don’t serve me a plate and smile then order me to ‘Enjoy!’ You can tell me you hope that I enjoy it, You can ask if it appears to my liking. Better, you can come back three or four minutes later and ask if I am enjoying the dish. Please DON’T command me to like it.”

Fuck off, Tiamat.

I posted Tiamat’s rant on Server Not Servant Facebook Page, and added the following comment:

I think you’re being a nitpicking asshole if you take issue with someone saying, ‘Enjoy.’ I agree with the poster who called the OP (Tiamat) out on Chowhound and said, “I see the ‘Enjoy’ as the shortened, ‘I wish you enjoyment’, not as a commend. I read it in the same vein as, ‘Bon appetite’ or ‘buen provencho’.” — Exactly!!!

Yes, these people are easy to hate, and stop smiling…

[Join the Server Not Servant conversation on Twitter @PatrickMBoston]

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Spontaneous Volunteers

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 12/17/2012

Thanksgiving is, by far, one of my favorite days of the year. I treasure the time spent breaking bread with my sister, Colleen Conceison, her husband, Bob, their children, Bobby Jr., MK (Mary Kathryn), Chrissy, Paul, and Bridgett, Bob’s niece, Kara, and anyone else who joins us. Our post-meal discussion always evolves into an opportunity to share what we are thankful for as we reflect on the previous year.

This year, my 24-year-old niece, Chrissy, on break from her service with AmeriCorps, shared a story, and I requested permission to share it with all of you.

Prior to returning home for Thanksgiving, Chrissy had been working on disaster relief in New Jersey and New York following SuperStorm Sandy. I received the following email from Chrissy a few days later:

After working the night shift (7pm-7am) in one of the Long Island shelters, my two co-workers and I were spent. It was going on about day 4 of no shower so the idea of going to bed finally with no shower seemed disgusting.

Like an angel sent to us, a woman walked in the building wearing an Irish knit sweater. Donna was offering her home to anyone who wanted to shower. This woman was unlike any other “spontaneous volunteer” to come through our shelter. She is an RN at a local hospital and came with just her stethoscope wanting to help out the nurses. When she found out that no medical help was needed, she offered her home and a hot shower. She lived 5 minutes from the school and was affected by the storm, but she had her power back. She wanted to volunteer to give back to her own community.

We walked into her house and I saw Irish blessings all over, pictures of her children, pictures of her grandchildren, and a lot of trinkets. She kept saying to us, “Don’t worry girlfriends, I will hook you up.” She did just that. She gave us her towels, soap, shampoo, and a hot shower. Once my shower was over, I sat on her couch and just teared up with all sorts of emotions. She made us hot tea and I just sat and talked with her while the other two showered, and learned so much about her, her family, and then she asked about all of us.

We sat with her until we were ready to go back to the shelter. She walked us back and continued to help out in the shelter where she felt it was necessary. Before I went to bed I hugged her with eyes full of tears and she just said, “You’re doing a great job. Keep up the good work.” That little confidence booster from a random stranger meant more than anything.

I often think about Donna and the fact that she was so willing to open her house to 3 AmeriCorps members who were exhausted and hadn’t showered in days. She just wanted to help in any way she could, and decided opening her home was the best way to do it. She has taught me that random acts of kindness go a long way.

On Thursday, 12/13/12, Chrissy graduated from AmeriCorps and was chosen by her peers to speak at the commencement ceremony. Here is an excerpt of her speech from within her blog.

Today was graduation day… I had the honor of being emcee, or “Ameridictorian” as my friends called it, for the ceremony. This is my speech I submitted to get chosen to speak…

It is hard to put into words exactly what the experience in NCCC  (National Civilian Community Corps) has been like. The only couple of words that I can possibly think of would be, ‘life changing’.

We started on February 27th where we entered a world that immediately I thought was MTV’s The Real World. We were strangers, picked to be in a program where people stop living their real life and start living in the ‘Ameriworld’, a world where real clothes were a thing of the past, and khaki and gray or green became something you wore, and wore it “looking good” daily.

Training could not have prepared us for what we were about to embark upon for the whole experience. Once we were assigned our permanent teams, we set out for our spikes (spikes are sites away from the main campus where teams establish temporary living arrangements for up to two months). Each day we were faced with adversity and we persevered. Our team became a family, a family that nobody else in the world would understand why. Spending each day together, working, eating, laughing, cooking, and dancing are experiences that cannot even be explained. You wouldn’t get half of the stuff each collective team went through unless you were on the team. I am forever changed because of the 8 members of my team, other team members, other team leaders, and our staff.

This program has taught me that when you think that you can’t, you can, and you realize you can because of your teammates. This program has taught me that no matter what is going on in your life, you will survive with the help of your team. This program has taught me that friendship goes beyond Massachusetts. Friendship is now in Ohio, Virginia, Georgia, North Carolina, New Jersey, Illinois, Indiana, Delaware and every other state in the country.

Most importantly, this program has taught me that you have a family you are born into and a family you create for yourself. I can honestly say that I come from a large family, but now it has significantly grown because of this program. I would not change this experience, every tear, every laugh, every terrible singing and dancing session in the van, every fight, every ISP(Independent Service Projects), every home gutted, every trail blazed, every ride with Roe, every tire slashed, every glass block installed, every WPR (Weekly Progress Report), every piece of drywall installed, every sleeping situation and every day with my team and others, for anything. How do you sum up what I have experienced in NCCC into words? You can’t, you have to live it to understand.

I was so happy I got to address the Corps as emcee for the ceremony. It meant the world to me.

I have met some of the most amazing people in the last 10 months. I am forever changed by each and every person I have met in the last 10 months. I am so grateful I have a supportive family that allowed me to leave a full-time job making money, to be in a national community service volunteer program. I am so thankful for my best friends, 5 girls I can now NEVER live without. I am thankful for my team and the year we had together. The members of River Ten will forever hold a place in my heart.

Tonight is the last night in Vicksburg (MS), our little community. I remember the night before I left home, we all googled Vicksburg and I was more nervous because of what I saw, different things than Burlington (MA). Weird. Now, I am in love with our little city. The sunsets, the Mississippi river, Highway 61 Coffee, The Tomato Place, Biscuit Company, Duff’s, Roe’s Cab service, and especially the Southern Region Campus. You can’t really explain this to anyone. I love the south, and I am moving the second I find work down here.

As I reflect on the last 10 months, I am realizing I am a totally different person than I was in February. I am happier, more open-minded, more skilled, and my cooking is at it’s prime. I really am trying my best to think of a good way to sum up what I am feeling, and what I have experienced the last 10 months, but I am at a loss for words. This program has meant the world to me and I am so happy that I joined. I will forever be an AmeriCorps member, and I will try my hardest to “get things done” even outside of my “A” uniform…

…I am going to end this post with a quote that was read at graduation, but is one of my absolute favorites. I thought about it a lot while in the program, and it has helped me through some of my days where I wanted to quit.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.” – Dr. Seuss

Thank you, Donna, for exemplifying the importance of “spontaneous volunteerism”, and kindness.

Welcome home, Chrissy. Congratulations, and thank you for your tremendous service to our country. I am so proud of you, and love you very much.

Server Not Servant readers, please join the conversation, and share your experiences of how “spontaneous volunteers” have helped you with acts of kindness. Sometimes it’s the littlest things that can turn our world around and restore our faith in humans. Thank you.

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Heat ROCKS.

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 11/4/2012

 I have great childhood memories of spending many summer days on the Jersey Shore. My dad grew up in Atlantic City, and my mom is from Margate.

Feeling a bit nostalgic today after reading the stories in The Boston Globe and The New York Times about all of our brothers and sisters in New York, New Jersey and beyond who are struggling in the wake of Sandy. A text I received today from my cousin, Mickey Maguire, on Ravine Drive in Matawan, New Jersey inspired this post.

Before Sandy hit, Mickey picked up his spry, and very feisty, 91-yr old mom (my Aunt Marie) from her home on North Chelsea Ave. in Atlantic City and brought her to his home in Matawan to ride out the storm. My dad grew up in the same home on North Chelsea Ave. After the storm, I spoke with Mickey on his cell, then subsequently relayed an email to my siblings, that included the following:

As you know, Atlantic City suffered serious damage, and there is currently no access in or out. They won’t know the extent of the damage to Aunt Marie’s home for a while. Flooding in the basement is a given. Mickey can’t get to work yet in NYC, for obvious reasons.

Mickey and Beth’s home is without power, and the best estimate is another 7-10 days before it is restored. They are all safe, a bit chilly, but in good health. They are keeping warm by turning on the gas stove. Their home is surrounded by large trees, but only 1 of them went down, without damaging their home.

Mickey was losing juice on his phone, so we couldn’t talk long. He’s charging his phone using his car. He did want me to mention that they had a “Hurricane Party” last night with some of the neighbors, Aunt Marie had a few highballs, and Mickey enjoyed a bourbon or 2… You can’t keep us down!

Unfortunately, the news got worse when Mickey and his Mom were able to return home to Atalntic City on Saturday. I received the following text last night, 10/3, at 10pm:

Went to AC today. Mom’s roof blew off. Water in 2 bedrooms, dining room and kitchen. Heater and hot water heaters shot. Basement apartment totalled. Car totalled. Mom will be with us for the foreseeable future. We still have no power (Matawan), but are able to keep the back of the house in the low 70’s with the stove. Kerosene lamps work great. She (Mom) is upset but dealing with it. We registered with FEMA.

And then an update today from Mickey via text at 3:10pm today:

This morning our neighbor hardwired our gas furnace to his generator. We have heat! We contacted a roofer who is going to look at Mom’s roof tomorrow. Still no power, but heat ROCKS.

It sure does, along with everything else we take for granted. Mickey’s neighbor also rocks.

After my Mom died in 1993, we found a list among her personal belongings titled, Count My Blessings, and on the list of several things she was grateful for was  “A nice shower.”  (A hot shower was often hard to come by in a home with 12 people, one bathroom, and a small water heater.) That simple appreciation of the ‘little things’ resonates so strongly today. Unfortunately, it often takes a tragedy for us to appreciate the simple things in life and to be kinder to each other.

I know a lot of people are suffering, frustrated and very upset at their circumstances right now as a result of the storm. Several have been devastated by loss of life, homes and businesses. However, there are also some tremendous stories emerging about generous people pitching in and helping each other with basic needs to survive. In the bigger scheme of things, nothing else really matters. 

Today’s Boston Globe included an article by Tom Keane titled, A break, too brief, from us vs. them:

Sandiphilia is the condition of feeling empathy for one’s fellow man and woman, brought about by a catastrophic storm that takes lives and destroys property. It has been on full display for the last week and — at risk of sounding callous — one almost wishes events like this could happen more frequently, if only to remind us of our common humanity.

I reflected on this ‘temporary state’ in the Human-to-Human Service chapter in my forthcoming book:

The Blizzard of ’78 was a great human equalizer that rendered everyone powerless, and left many people stranded. Job titles, net worth, egos and diplomas didn’t matter. Everyone was equally helpless for a few days. Some people relied on total strangers for survival, and some people died, regardless of their social status. The storm fostered a camaraderie and cooperation nearly everyone embraced . Eventually, the strong bond faded as ‘reality’ crept back into our lives.

I thought about the transition from a galvanized, inclusive community back to ‘normalcy’ a lot after The Blizzard of ’78. It bothered me that people could be so good to each other when the playing field was level, and then gradually revert back to their old ways. I know it’s idealistic to expect people to act exactly the same way that they do during extraordinary times, but it sure would be nice if they could come close. Unfortunately, people have short memories.

It shouldn’t take extreme weather, music, disabilities, food, religion, nature, tragedy, common interests, politics, violence, art, babies, sickness, dogs, hardship, religion, ethnicity, death, sports, natural disasters, film, trauma, science, war, holidays, smoke breaks, cancer, or an attack on our country to unite people, and to remind us how amazing, fragile, and short life really is. Unfortunately it does. People slip back to their ‘old ways’ until the next shared celebration or crisis hits.

Great human equalizers, like natural disasters, make people reach out and take care of each other, and they restore your faith in people. They make total strangers realize that they have a lot in common, and that we truly are “all in this together.” I’ve been referring to this phenomenon as “The Blizzard of ’78 Effect” ever since the big storm. It shouldn’t take a snowstorm for people to be nice to each other.

I hope the generousity, goodwill, empathy, and spirit of cooperation that is helping so many people survive right now, continues long after power is restored and the cleanup and rebuilding is complete. Thank you to everyone who is working tirelessly on rescue missions, and in every other effort to provide food, water, shelter and supplies to everyone who is in need.

Sending love to Aunt Marie, Mickey, Beth, their families, neighbors, friends, and everyone impacted by the storm. Love your spirit. Keep the faith.

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Dignity and Respect-Jeremy Smith Guest Post (Pep Talk)

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 9/24/2012

Waiter and Blogger, Jeremy Smith, seems like the type of guy I’d love to have a few drinks with. Jeremy writes a restaurant blog called, You Just Got Sat. After reading his blog, he appears to be whimsical, funny, blunt, and ‘good people’. Jeremy works at Blue Fin Sushi & Grill in Rome, GA, and is someone whose writing and perspective, often resonate with me.

From Jeremy’s first blog post titled, I Love The Restaurant Business on January 9, 2011:

Over the years I have attained a set of skills that will ensure that I will be employable no matter where I go. I found a way to parlay my personality into profit and I don’t even have to take my clothes off…

There appears to be a negative stigma attached to working in the service industry, though. A lot of people seem to think that restaurant workers are greedy, stupid, mean-spirited people who lack drive, talent or worth. They treat us with disdain and contempt. Almost unanimously they will reply to any complaint made by a restaurant industry employee that they should just ‘Get a real job’. Then they’ll usually leave a crappy tip.

I firmly believe that working in a restaurant is a valid occupation and that those who do so are worthy of the dignity and respect accorded to those who work in other occupations. Maybe that is a silly idea, but what can I say? I’m a silly guy.

I love the restaurant business.

And I’m not ashamed to say it. 

Pep Rally May 25, 2012 JerBer:

 

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The World Has Gone Mad

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Shame

Posted: 9/4/2012

Every time I watch National Geographic, Discovery Channel, or Animal Planet, I am reminded that there’s not much difference between wild animals and some human beings in shared public space.

 This story, courtesy of Utah’s KSL.com, takes the cake. You have to watch the video.

LEHI — A young mother of twins took potty training to the table — the dining table — in a popular Utah deli Tuesday.  And the picture an onlooker snapped and posted on Facebook has a lot of people talking.

If anyone understands how stressful potty-training can be, it’s mother of three, Kimberly Decker. In fact, she just finished potty training her little boy and couldn’t leave her house for several days during the process. That’s why she was so shocked at what she witnessed Tuesday at the Thanksgiving Point Deli.

“I noticed that this lady was having her two — she had two twins, two little girls about 2-and-a-half years old, sitting on what I thought were booster seats,” Decker said.

But after doing a double take, she realized they weren’t booster seats, they were child port-a-potties.

“She had to undo the jumpsuits, and take them all the way down so they were completely nude, with the jumpsuits down to their ankles just eating their chicken nuggets, sitting on little toddler potties,” Decker said.

Decker snapped a picture on her cell phone, while she and her friend stared in awe.

“The more you thought about it, the more unappetizing everything looked around me,” Decker said. “I was like this is not ok, we’re eating, there was a business meeting with about five or six businessmen going on right next to me. The place was packed.”

Spokeswoman for Thanksgiving Point, Erica Brown, said they received several complaints from patrons. Their staff didn’t realize what was going on among the crowd until after it was already over, but she added they would have asked the woman to leave and take the potty training into the restroom.

“I think state and local health codes were probably an issue, as well as just social norms,” Brown said.

You’re probably right, Erica…

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