Server Not Servant

Karma? Tipping For Counter Service & Take-Out

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 4/23/2010

The Karma Jar kills me. It immediately caught my eye the first time I saw it in a sandwich shop a few blocks from my home in Boston’s South End. Maybe it’s the indifference of the hipster staff, or perhaps I associate it with the image of the uneasy elderly customer watching a brazen waitress practicing her ballet positions and singing to attract attention. But it’s mostly the guilt-inducing nature of the Karma Jar that bothers me. I tip very well if someone earns it, but the cutesy mind games are a turnoff.

A few weeks ago, I received the following email from Tom C., a loyal reader; One thing I’ve been thinking about is tipping. Specifically, who gets a tip? I go to a sandwich shop and order a pre-made sandwich to go. They hand it to me and I pay and leave. Do I leave a tip? Some people do, some people don’t. If I tip them, do I tip the cashier at the grocery store too? What differentiates these transactions? I know I tip the guy or gal that delivers pizza, Chinese, Thai, or whatever food to the house. If I’m going to do that, do I tip the UPS guy too? And for that matter, what about the guy that pumps out my septic system? Just curious on your input as I’ve noticed tip jars showing up in a lot more places lately.

Tom is not the only one feeling a little “tip fatigue” and confusion these days. Workers and businesses are pushing the boundaries beyond customary tipping environments. Sure, there are times we are inspired to tip when we’re not expected to, like the UPS guy in a driving blizzard. My dad used to send us out with cash for the trash men to encourage them to take everything, including an old appliance, or the aftermath of a basement or garage cleaning. Extraordinary circumstances certainly warrant special rewards.

Tipping is a loaded issue. Few topics elicit more spirited responses than politics, sexuality, science, religion, manners, and yes, tipping. The comment sections that follow articles on tipping are predictably vicious, and the “right fighting” that ensues is mind-numbing. Everyone has a strong opinion of what should transpire based on their own experiences. In many cases, there are cultural guidelines, but no right answers. Tipping is discretionary and discretion is subjective.

My blog and book aren’t going to spend a lot of time talking about tipping. Tipping is an important topic when discussing service, but the scope of my project is much broader than the restaurant industry and tipping. In addition, Steve Dublanica, author of the best-selling book, Waiter Rant, has just completed a book on tipping titled, Keep The Change, scheduled for release in November. I have corresponded with Steve, and encourage you to visit his award-winning site.

One of my first experiences receiving tips came as a teenager in the 70’s working as a bagger in a local supermarket. We called the position ‘sacker’ in those days. We always offered to help customers to their car with their groceries, and we often got a few quarters, and sometimes a buck or two. We didn’t expect it, but it was always nice to develop a good rapport with a customer and to make a little extra cash. It would have been unthinkable in those days to have tip jars at cash registers in grocery stores. Times sure have changed.

In a recent article on the OpenTable Blog, Caroline Potter mentioned seeing a tip jar at a dry cleaner. Caroline references another article by Susannah Cahalan of the New York Post who notes, Samantha Shepherd, a 25-year-old Ph.D. student from Queens, refuses to go to a C-Town Supermarket near her neighborhood because the grocery’s baggers have tip jars. “I had this conflict of feeling: I felt bad for not giving her money, but I didn’t feel she deserved it. I don’t go to that supermarket anymore,” she said. “You’re made to feel guilty. And I don’t like that.”

I’m with you, Samantha. The proliferation of tipping jars in atypical locations has gone wild, and some of them look foolish. And the kitschy signs on the jars that Ms. Cahalan alludes to like, Momma Needs a New Pair of Shoes, do nothing to motivate me.

Despite the increasing number of tip jars popping up in unusual places, I support tipping at restaurants with counter service and take-out, regardless of who prepares your order. A significant number of people never even think about tipping in these circumstances, especially on take-out. The staff who prepares take-out orders is often making well below minimum wage, and gratuities comprise the bulk of their compensation. They balance their other responsibilities while taking your order, wrapping everything, remembering special requests like the sauces on the side, the utensils, napkins and condiments, and packaging everything to-go. Even if a host or another staff member prepares your order, the extra money always helps.

For counter and take-out service, here are a few factors that influence whether or not I tip, and how much:

• Initial greeting/acknowledgement.
• Attitude, hospitality and service.
• Effort and hustle.
• Complexity and size of the order.
• Accomodation of special requests.
• Order being accurate and ready on time.
• Extraordinary circumstances, weather, holidays, etc.
• How often I frequent a place.
• If a place I frequent remembers my preferences.
• Acknowledgement and appreciation of tips.
• How busy the place is.
• The sign on the tip jar.

I mention appreciation of tips because I’ll never forget the day I walked into a pizza place for a slice and a drink. I was the only person in line. The drink was self-service and the gang from the kitchen delivers the slice when it’s ready. I put a dollar and some odd change in the coffee can in plain view of the cashier who watched and said nothing. Apathy is bad karma. I almost pulled the buck out of the can…

I invite you to participate in the discussion. As always, comments will be moderated and off-topic, vitriolic attacks will not be allowed.

Customers: Please relate your experiences, stories and opinions regarding tip jars. What unusual places have you seen them? What influences your decision about throwing something in the jar?

Workers: Please share as much information as you can about this topic. Most customers are genuinely interested in your perspective. Please share your hourly wage, percentages of people who tip and how much they tip. War stories, good or bad?

Business Owners: What do you think? What’s your policy? I’d like to hear from people across the spectrum, including owners who prohibit tip jars from their establishments. What is your philosophy, your rationale, and how do you compensate your staff? (Hourly rate, benefits, percentage of sales, meals, other?)

Note: All of the tip jars pictured are located within a few minutes of my home in Boston. Please be on the lookout and share your photos of tip jars in the photo album in my facebook group. Please note the type of establishment where the jar is located. Thank you-PM

4/24, Saturday morning update: I just came from a walk around Boston and spoke with an employee at a Dunkin’ Donuts who told me they had no tip jar because the owners don’t allow them. I then went to another Dunkin’ Donuts about a mile away with a tip jar that said, “Gratuities for Exceptional Service.” I like the message that sends. It would be interesting to know if there is a difference in the hourly wages and/or benefits at the 2 locations. The photo is on the wall of my facebook group.

Permalink | Posted in Human-to-Human Service | 34 Comments »

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Door Jam

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Manners / Gratitude

Posted: 4/11/2010

As I noted in my last post, a lot of humans are not very good at sharing public space. I’ve had countless conversations with people when discussing this blog and my book project that end with, It’s really not that hard. Apparently for a lot of people it IS that hard.

This post was inspired by a Yelp conversation on the Boston Boards titled, Rude People. Karl R. started the conversation by asking, Does anyone else hate it when you hold a door for someone and they don’t say thanks??  When I don’t get that “thank you”, I usually respond by saying, “I don’t get paid for this…”  How do you guys deal with it?

Yelp threads often digress into inane, sophomoric banter, but Karl’s questions prompted some thoughtful dialogue. The Yelp responses are generally divided into 2 camps:

#1- An eye for an eye:

D.K. Hate it. And I usually say sarcastically, “You’re welcome.”

My edited response: I’m with the camp that supports tweaking the ignorant people with a sarcastic, “You’re welcome.” It’s Pollyannaish when people say, “Don’t let them get to you,” or let “karma” come back to bite them. If enough people speak up maybe these unaware, narcissistic, people will snap out of it and change their behavior. When we ignore them, we encourage them.

Kerri O. You know, all politeness is, is an extension of being compassionate.  If someone is rude, it’s just that they are only thinking about themselves.  It’s best to shake them out of their mindset, by pointing out that other people exist, and it’s better to be considerate to them.

Didi V. (combined responses) This is about manners.  No matter your personal turmoil, to consistently act like a dick is wrong.  I do feel sorry for people who don’t realize it’s wrong. They’re sociopaths because their parents never corrected selfish behavior. Maybe they had a really sweet hippie parent who didn’t believe in “wrong” behavior… When I let cars in, and I don’t get the wave, it bothers me.  No wave?  C’mon!

#2- Turn the other cheek:

Anthony L. I’m not polite for the thanks. I’m polite because it’s the right thing to do. No need to be rude after not getting any thanks. Seems childish to me.

Michael N. I’m with Anthony. Some people suck. I prefer to forget about them and concentrate on those that don’t.

Mary M. (combined comments) If someone didn’t ask you to hold the door for them, and didn’t expect you to hold the door for them, and you’re doing it out of your own sense of politeness, and you then get cranky and angry when you’re not thanked in the manner that you expect, doesn’t that rather take away from the graciousness of your act? If I hold the door for someone and they don’t thank me, I can honestly say that it doesn’t even momentarily bother me.  I think there are a couple of reasons for this: 1) I don’t have an expectation of thanks when I hold the door, 2) I don’t read a lot into their behavior.

Richard M.  Expectations outside of yourself will:  ALWAYS let you down. Better to spend the little time you have above ground building your own karma. Others may have more pressing concerns, that you can not know of:  Until you walk a mile in their shoes. Imagine for a moment that they might be absorbed dealing with; cancer, a dying spouse, an incurable sick child or infant, or just something you can not imagine. A gift of kindness is a GIFT OF KINDNESS.

Benjamin K. Sociopaths and narcissists suffer from mental illness that they can’t help.  It doesn’t mean their behavior is okay or should be excused, but perhaps understood as more complicated than just losing their shit on you when you serve them a coffee. Best to avoid these types as often as possible because their behavior will never change, even if they want it to…

My response to Benjamin: I disagree. I believe that if enough people push back and let rude people know that their behavior is unacceptable, the rude behavior can eventually change. The passive, karma, tolerance approach only encourages bad behavior. More people need to speak up and say what everyone is thinking about the rude, obnoxious behavior. And when someone does speak up, more people need to back up the person who confronted the unacceptable behavior. Too many people are afraid to speak up or get involved.

I understand Benjamin’s point about the extreme cases where behavior will never be modified. Some people are incapable or unwilling to learn how to work and play well with others.  However, the majority of entitled, rude people perceive themselves as exempt from the basic tenets of mutual respect and common courtesy. As I noted in the Yelp thread, There is something ingrained in people and our culture that makes it ok to remain silent and tolerate abusive, offensive behavior. Most people are confrontation adverse because it’s awkward and uncomfortable to speak up. It seems that we always think of the perfect response when it’s too late. Confronting without confrontation is an art that takes practice. I’m working on speaking up more often rather than dealing with the regret that often follows silence.

I’ll be discussing the origin and reasons for bad manners and how to deal with them in the Confront Without Being Confrontational chapter in my book. We have become so inured to bad behavior that we accept it as inevitable.

Quantifying the epidemic of bad manners is easy. Articles on bad manners always generate record numbers of comments online. (As of this post there are more than one hundred and four thousand fans in the If I hold a door open for you, I expect a “thank you” fan page on facebook.) Raising awareness and fostering change are the real challenge.

Notes:

• Thanks to all Yelp commenters. Please read the entire Yelp thread to understand the full context of all comments.
• People who don’t let the door slam in your face are the same people who don’t say thank you when you hold the door for them.
• People who go through the unopened door when you are holding a door open for them really suck.
• ABC News had a program with hidden cameras called, What would you do? A modern day Candid Camera, they interviewed people after secretly filming their behavior in staged social contexts. I’d like to see a program called, Why didn’t you?, where they would catch people being rude and ask them why they didn’t thank someone holding the door, wave to a driver who let them go in traffic or cross the street.

What are your thoughts and experiences? Which camp are you in? Thank you.

Permalink | Posted in Manners / Gratitude | 28 Comments »

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64 Suggestions for Bar Customers

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 3/30/2010

Sharing public space is something a lot of humans don’t do well. When you throw alcohol into the mix, a lot of people really suck at it.

 A few caveats and disclosures:

• The list is geared towards bars in restaurants, rather than dive bars, nightclubs, sports bars or beach bars where jungle rules apply.
• I minimized the overlap between this list and my list of 64 Suggestions for Restaurant Customers.
• I omitted some of the obvious items that endlessly appear on every other list about bar etiquette.
• Some obvious items made the cut because they need to be reinforced. (Will people ever get it that yammering on cell phones is obnoxious?)
• There are 2 sides to every story and exceptions to every rule.
• My blog and book do not defend “whining waiters” as one anonymous reader commented. I am advocating for workers who do a great job and understand all facets of customer service and hospitality.
•  Please don’t comment that all of these suggestions could be summed up with the golden rule or other platitudes. We know that. We love lists.

 Sources and Credits:

• Personal experience from 33+ years of drinking and dining at the bar.
• Bartending experience (dives to fine dining) scattered over 10 years from 1982-1992.
• Conversations with thousands of bartenders, servers, restaurant industry workers and customers.
• Questionnaire responses from 200 former and current customer service industry workers.
• Hundreds of comments and emails from readers of this blog and the facebook group supporting it.
• Thank you to everyone who contributed.

—————————————————————————————————————————–

1. Research the bar/restaurant before you go. Consult with several online resources to determine whether or not a place is a good fit. You’ll improve your experience by knowing what to expect and what questions to ask when you go. (Email me if you need Boston recommendations.)
2. If all of the barstools are occupied, ask the bartender or host if there’s a waitlist for bar seats. You’ll avoid jockeying for position and the mad scrum when a seat opens up. Don’t argue with a bartender who tells you that the barstools you’re trying to claim are for someone who has been waiting longer than you. Don’t tell a bartender that the person who vacated a stool promised it to you.
3. Never move barstools without asking. Barstool positions are often numbered for the bar staff and food runners.
4. Acknowledge and greet the bartender, or reciprocate her welcome with a simple greeting. Don’t ignore a welcome or blurt what you need in response to a bartender’s greeting. (This is still an epidemic, and it’s rude.)
5. Let the bartender know if you’re saving seats for friends who will be joining you for dinner.  Find out what the house rules are. The bartender will often put out placemats and water to save seats if your friends won’t be long. Don’t hoard seats in a busy bar knowing your friends will be a while.
6. Look at the taps and bottled beers lined up behind the bar or ask for a list before asking, What kind of beer do you have? Don’t expect a bartender to recite 30 beers on draft and 40 in a bottle, especially in a crowded bar.
7. Don’t ask a bartender you don’t know, What should I get?, or What’s good? If you’re looking for direction, communicate your preferences and be specific with your questions.
8. Never say, Can I have a Bud, Bud?,  I don’t need sugar, I’m sweet enough, Tell me a joke, or any of the other hokey, clichéd lines that bartenders have heard more than they care to remember.  Seriously, where do these people come from???
9. Introduce yourself and learn your bartender’s name. Discretely using a bartender’s name  makes the interaction more respectful and human. But, never shout the bartender’s name down the bar to get his attention.
10. Seek your bartender’s opinion and guidance regarding the menu, wine and cocktails. Professional servers are proud to share their knowledge with you and show you a great time. Be open to their input.
11. If you’re standing behind someone sitting on a barstool, don’t hang your coat, bag or anything on the stool without asking.
12. If you’re standing in the bar area, be aware that the folks seated at the bar need space too, particularly if they are eating.  It’s annoying for a seated customer to get bumped repeatedly by people standing behind or around them.
13. When walking through a crowded bar, don’t push your way through. You’re not playing rugby. Say Excuse me or Pardon me before you proceed. In a noisy bar, a light touch on the shoulder, along with Excuse me, or Can I sneak by, please?, works better than pushing. Conversely, if someone is trying to get by you, accommodate them. There’s no need for a curt, snarky, Sorry in response to a polite, Excuse me when someone is trying to get by.
14. If you leave your stuff on the barstool next to you, don’t make noises and get upset about requests to move your belongings when the bar starts to fill up.
15. If you enter a relatively empty bar, don’t sit right next to customers who might be enjoying some privacy. At least leave a few stools between you. (I’ll never understand why people crowd each other. Whether it’s the gym locker room, a sidewalk, public transportation or a bar, give each other some personal space.)
16. If you’re sitting at a bar with an open stool on either side of you, and someone asks you to move down so they can sit together, do it without sighing or making a big deal of it. Even if you’re in the middle of dinner, it only takes a moment to slide one stool. Better yet, offer before the guest or bartender asks you to. It will put everyone at ease. And, no, neither the party you accommodated nor the bartender owes you a drink because you cooperated. You might get one, but don’t expect it or ask for one.
17. Keep in mind that you have almost as much to do with the success of the interaction as the bartender does. Treat all members of the staff and other customers with civility, respect, and common courtesy. Great service is a participatory sport.
18. Bars are communal tables. Don’t freak out if someone tells you your dinner looks good, asks what you’ve ordered, or attempts to make polite conversation. Some things go with the territory when you’re at the bar.
19. Take a hint if people don’t want to talk with you or if they are involved in a private conversation. If your repeated advances are met with, I’m sorry, but I haven’t seen my friend in 2 years and we would really appreciate it if you would respect our privacy, that means they don’t want to talk to you. It doesn’t mean be persistent. Move on.
20. When you’re standing and trying to order drinks at a packed bar, politely alert the seated guests so they can accommodate you. Hopefully they’ll yield some space, (passing drinks and money if necessary), but never push in between two seated customers and start passing drinks over and around the heads of other guests. It’s obnoxious. If you are the seated guest and someone is trying order drinks from behind you, help a brother or sister out. Don’t ignore them.
21. Standing customers should not reach between seated guests and place empty glasses on the bar on the bar next to them. If you’re placing an empty glass and trash on the bar, excuse yourself, and be sure to push it all the way forward away from guests and within easy reaching distance of the bartender. It’s not the responsibility of folks seated at the bar to handle your garbage. Most people will help you, but it’s rude to push through, drop your glass or beer bottle near a guest’s elbow and run.
22. If you’re going to be ordering multiple rounds in a crowded bar, tip generously on the first round. The bartender won’t forget you the next time you’re ready to order.
23. Don’t be rude when you’re trying to get the bartender’s attention. Eye contact, a raised finger, pushing your empty glass closer to the bartender, holding up a bill while standing, Excuse me, Pardon me, and, When you have a moment please, all work well. The following are off-limits; Yelling barkeep, barmaid, cheesy nicknames (Captain, Kid, Tiger, Chief, Big guy, Champ, Sport, etc.), Hey, Gimmee, Get me, followed by anything; rattling your empty glass on the bar or snapping your fingers.  Flagging is for cabs and whistling is for dogs. Simple rules even cavemen should know…
24. Don’t order an obscure drink that you had during Spring Break, on a cruise, in a foreign country, or on a tropical island several years ago and then ask, What kind of bartender are you?, when the bartender doesn’t know what’s in the drink. She’s probably the kind of bartender who doesn’t like you…
25. Respect the fact that restaurants and bars can’t accommodate every single request about room temperature, music, inventory of beers and liquor, special food orders, etc. (I witnessed a customer complaining to a manager about the cold air whenever guests went out an “emergency only” exit that had a sign on it asking guests to use the main door. After bitching her entire meal, she proceeded to use the same emergency exit when she left…)
26. Remember where you are, and don’t put the bartender or other customers in an awkward position by making unrealistic demands. For example, a Bostonian staying in a New York hotel cannot expect the bartender in the hotel bar to show a regular-season Celtics or Bruins game  during a Yankees World Series. I’m staying in the hotel doesn’t carry more weight than the majority of fans who want to watch the World Series.
27. Never ask the dreaded, insulting questions, Is this your real job? or, What else do you do? Believe me, the job is real.
28. Don’t stare at other customers. I was a regular at a bar where the staff dubbed a frequent customer, “The Listener” because she would stare and lean in to eavesdrop on conversations. (Bartenders, please comment on some of the great nicknames you have for guests.)
29. Be discreet when you are talking about other bar customers. It’s rude to repeatedly look at someone, then look back at your dining companion and whisper.
30. When it’s your turn, be ready to order and pay, especially in a busy bar.
31. Excuse me, Please and Thank you. It’s not that hard.
32.  Don’t block the service station where waiters and waitresses pick up their drinks. If a bartender encourages you to come to the service station to pick up a drink,  make way for servers trying to do their job.
33. Don’t chomp on gum, snap your gum, or blow bubbles at the bar. Chewing gum is tacky and trashy.
34. Don’t chew on toothpicks or long stir sticks or straws, letting the end dangle out of your mouth in circles. It’s gross. (I saw this at the bar in one of Boston’s best steak houses.)
35. Don’t twirl your hair, pick your teeth, ears, face, skin or any other part of your body. Don’t be hygienically inappropriate, period.
36. Bringing in beverages from outside of the restaurant is a no-no.  
37. Don’t lean over and read another customer’s book, magazine or paper while they’re reading at the bar. It’s creepy.
38. Respect local traditions, zoning & licensing laws, and house rules. Bartenders don’t make all of the laws and rules that they have to follow. Just because you allow your underage child to drink in your home, doesn’t mean a bartender will look the other way. The guy on the stool next to you might be a spotter or work for the liquor commission.
39. Don’t bore your bartender with your life’s story and monopolize his time when he’s busy. Cut to the chase.
40. Don’t be that loud guy. Yelling and slamming the bar like a hockey player pounding the boards after a goal, is juvenile. The rest of the bar is not amused.
41. Don’t be that annoying woman with the shrill, high-pitched, piercing laugh. Everyone wants you to have fun, but you’re making enemies all around you.
42. Don’t reach over the bar without permission. (Yes, there are people who still think it’s ok to eat olives out of the garnish trays.)
43. If you’re temporarily leaving your stool for any reason, let the bartender and/or your neighbor know. Put a coaster or bar napkin over the top of your drink to save your seat. If you know your neighbor is returning, alert customers who try to take their barstool. You’d want them to save yours.
44. Stay within your space in your barstool. Be aware and respectful of your neighbor’s space and others around you. That includes backpacks, bags and coats hanging off your stool, as well as elbows and hair tossing.
45. Don’t ask, Why don’t we get one?, loud enough for everyone to hear when a bartender announces something is on-the-house  to someone sitting next to you. There’s a reason why they’re getting a complimentary treat and it’s none of your business.
46. If you want the benefits of being a regular in a restaurant or bar, earn them. (This will be covered in future posts and in my book.)
47. If you have a nice rapport with the bartender and are pleased with the service, offer him or her a taste your bottle of wine. Bartenders don’t always get to taste all of the wines on their lists, especially expensive bottles. You’ll be helping them gain more wine knowledge, and you’ll be one step closer to becoming a regular. Showing your appreciation for good service is not always about money.
48. Don’t bully barbacks, food runners or support staff. Don’t embarrass them if they can’t get you a drink, get change from the cash register, or perform any functions beyond their scope.
49. If you have a concern or problem, communicate it in a timely fashion to the bartender and/or a manger so they can work with you to correct it. They can’t fix what they don’t know. Don’t storm out without giving the establishment a chance to make things right.
50.  If you witness someone being abusive or inappropriate to the staff or other customers, speak up, or at least alert staff or management. According to my research, one out of every five customers is impolite, disrespectful or downright rude. Don’t be one of them.
51. Sharing your personal issues (especially quarrels between couples) with the rest of the bar makes everyone uncomfortable. Remember that you’re sharing space with other people. Be aware of your volume.
52. Crying and drama: not at the bar. If a situation escalates, take it outside or take it home.
53. Cell phones at the bar; added for emphasis only. Do I really need to elaborate?
54. Police your own crowd if they’re being jerks. Your fellow diners, the bartender, and the entire staff will really appreciate the help.
55. Couples: don’t suck face and maul each other at the bar. It’s tacky and awkward for everyone. You’re humiliating yourself and embarrassing your whole family.
56. Don’t linger forever after you’ve paid your bill whenyou know people are waiting for barstools.
57. If you’re sitting at the bar waiting for a table and your reservation will be coming up shortly, offer your bar seats to guests who are waiting to dine at the bar.
58. If you’re heading into the dining room after drinks at the bar, pay and tip the bartender before going to dinner. When you transfer the tab, the bartender usually loses.
59. When tipping, use 20% of the after-tax total as your baseline for good service. Round up and don’t leave change. Don’t play dumb if you’re visiting from a culture where tipping isn’t customary.
60. If the bartender, manager or owner comps a portion of your bill or something you ordered, you should still base the tip on the full charge. The same applies when you use a coupon or gift certificate.
61. If there’s an open kitchen, oyster shucker or special food prep (garde manger) station behind the bar, tip that person separately, above and beyond the bartender, if they provide great service and hospitality.
62. If you’re pleased with the  service and hospitality, track down your bartender before you leave and tell him or her they did a great job. Also, be sure to tell their manager on the way out.
63. If you’ve been shut off, save face, cut your losses, and get home safely. Don’t ask a different bartender or server for a drink. You’ll only make matters worse.
64. Don’t hang around forever at the end of the night. At the least, pay your bill so the home team can close out their finances. As my old boss, Vinny Dimauro, owner of John B’s Café used to say back in 1983, You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

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We Are Each Other’s Customer

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Human-to-Human Service

Posted: 3/23/2010

I’ve met and corresponded with some really wonderful people as a result of writing this blog. There is a growing army of people who truly get the core message and mission of this project. I frequently get calls and emails from family, friends and readers who can’t wait to share their stories about their interactions with service industry workers and fellow human beings.

When I started writing this blog in October, I didn’t know what to expect. There’s always a risk when you put yourself and your opinions “out there” that no one will give a damn. From the initial feedback I’ve received, the topic of Human-to-Human Service and Civility resonates with a lot of you. Your stories and opinions are invaluable and critical to this project. I am grateful for your participation and feedback.

In early March, I received an email from Jean Marie Johnson that included a story that cuts to the core of what my blog and book are all about. Jean Marie is an independent business consultant who focuses on the human experience at work (see LinkedIn profile). She is also co-owner of The Mountain View Inn in beautiful Norfolk, CT.

A few weeks after reading Jean Marie’s email, I got out of bed in the middle of the night and emailed her, requesting permission to share the story she told me. Jean Marie promptly responded the next morning, and included a critical message in her response; The point I make in my work is that the most powerful influencer of others’ behavior is our own. Preemptive empathy can go a long way to shifting the energy.

 Email from Jean Marie Johnson Fri, March 19, 2010 at 9:13am:

 Subject: We Are Each Other’s Customer

…As a person who has traipsed across this country “training” service people for the last 15 years, I get it, I get it.  One of the most important things I do in my workshops is acknowledge and empathize with the raw deal they get on the “server” side. And, the small help that I can be to them is to suggest that they work their influence on those mis-behaving customers by the choices they make. Here’s a little story, a case in point: 

I was in New Jersey some years ago waiting for one of those “limo services” (a van, really) to drive me back to Connecticut.  I was eighth or so in line and I knew that by the time the woman behind the counter got to me, she would be about ready to chop my head off.  The vans were all late or broken down, and the weary travelers were taking it out on the counter lady.  I prepared my strategy…

When it was finally my turn to be told that I’d just have to wait my turn, take a number, take a seat, I stepped up to her counter.  I looked her in the eyes and told her that I could see she was having a really tough day.  I went on to say that it must be really hard when the drivers don’t do their part, or the vans break down.  She melted in a flash at the human moment I had created.  She thanked me for understanding, and our partnership was sealed.

Oh, I had to wait, just like everyone else, but when I had to use the restroom, she gladly watched my bag.  She even complimented me on my straw hat.  We were in this dilemma together. When I saw someone raising his voice at her, I’d look her way and wag my head from side to side, as if to say “Ain’t it a shame the way some people act.” She would shoot me a glance and a little smile would appear on her face. You get the picture.  I’d like to think that I helped her get through that day.  I know I did, in fact…

…I am also an innkeeper, so I know a thing or two about customers, the server and the served.

Thank you, Jean Marie.

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Customer Service Workers; Would You Sacrifice Money For Manners?

By: Patrick Maguire

Book Chapter: Customer Hall of Fame

Posted: 3/19/2010

Ok, I realize this is hypothetical and idealistic because unfortunately, we’re never going to change them all…

Nonetheless, I’m curious to know where you stand.

As I’ve been receiving emails and questionnaire responses from readers, I started thinking, Would customer service industry workers be willing to give up some of their compensation if they were guaranteed that all of their customers were good people? Is respect more important than money?

Here’s a little context:

The results from almost 200 current or former customer service industry workers who completed my questionnaire, indicate that 19% of customers are either impolite, disrespectful, or downright rude. Two follow-up questions ask workers to use adjectives to describe their best customers over the years, as well as the types of customers that they prefer. The responses are still coming in, but a quick poll of the top 5 results looks like this (I grouped  similar adjectives together.);

#1- Aware/Empathetic/Gracious.

#2- Respectful/Polite/Courteous.

#3- Friendly/Fun.

#4- Real/Genuine/Easy-going.

#5- Patient.

(I omitted generous, big tippers, etc., and interestingly, the adjectives about money didn’t even make the top ten.)

So, for everyone who interacts with customers for a living, would you trade money for manners if you were guaranteed that all of your customers would be empathetic, respectful, cool, fun, easy-going, patient, or any combo of 1-5 above? Would you forgo a portion of your tips or compensation if you were guaranteed that you wouldn’t have any rude or abusive customers? If yes, what’s the trade-off? How much of a cut in pay would you take for the peace of mind knowing that every customer you come in contact with was going to treat you with mutual respect, the way that they would want to be treated? Run with the idea any way you would like, and please include your industry and job description. Thank you very much for participating.

PS-This blog is currently leading in the balloting for Boston Magazine’s Readers’ Choice Awards. I’m grateful to everyone who has voted. If the spirit moves you, please click on Boston Magazine and place your vote. Be sure to click on the box at the bottom of the ballot if you don’t want to receive communications from Metro Corp. or Boston Magazine. You don’t have to vote for all categories, and you can vote as often as you’d like until May. Thank you for your consideration.

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